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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect a think you for a baby gift?

16 replies

flixy102 · 13/12/2011 18:17

Bit of history, DH has a DD from a previous relationship, the relationship broke up about 6/7 years ago and I've been with DH for 5 years. His relationship with his ex has not always been great but over the last few years contact has been minimal as their DH has gotten older and they really don't need to speak.
Anyway, DH's ex and her husband have recently had their first child (a sister for my DSD) and so we sent a few little gifts and a card. My mum also gave me a present to pass on from her and my dad. We did this because, although the ex, my DH and me do not exactly see eye to eye, we thought it was important to show that we were mature, sensible adults and to show my DSD (who is 13) that there is no animosity (on our side anyway) towards her mum, stepdad and new wee baby.
So, fast forward about a month and there has been no thankyou forthcoming. I understand that a new baby causes a lot of upheaval and maybe these things aren't really that important, however AIBU to have expected a text to my DH to say thankyou (even if it was through gritted teeth). My DH sent a congrats text when he heard the baby had been born and received a 'thankyou' about 5 minutes later so it's not like she doesn't have his number.
Sorry maybe that was a tad longer than I wanted but I just wanted your opinion so that if I WBU I could get over myself!!!

OP posts:
mummymccar · 13/12/2011 18:22

Hmmm...maybe wait another few weeks and then if you haven't heard anything by the middle of January I'd gently enquire as to whether all was ok with the gift.
Some people just don't thank though, just know that you have the moral high ground.

RillaBlythe · 13/12/2011 18:22

Erm, I didn't send any thank you cards till 8 weeks. That was when I got around to getting cards with photos of the baby made up. I dust text to say thank you because I knew I was going to be sending the cards. So as far as I am concerned yabu.

RillaBlythe · 13/12/2011 18:22

Dust? Didn't.

mathanxiety · 13/12/2011 18:24

YAB a bit U. There is a lot of upheaval associated with the arrival of the baby. Give them another month.

YAB a bit disingenuous if you are trying to convince anyone that there is any sort of burying of the hatchet here though.

larks35 · 13/12/2011 18:25

Does it really matter? I wouldn't worry tbh. When I had DS I had grand plans of sending thank-you photos to everyone who'd sent stuff but I'm afraid in the end I spoke to most people on the phone and some people didn't get any TY at all Blush.
Maybe life is too hectic OR maybe she feels a bit weird about you and your parents Confused sending gifts and has chosen not to acknowledge them. I really don't think it is worth worrying over. It isn't like you sent them just to get a thank-you is it?

bemybebe · 13/12/2011 18:25

yanbu

rockinhippy · 13/12/2011 18:27

YABU - you've probably already achieved what you claim to have set out to achieve as regards showing a positive example to your DSD, so anything else should be viewed as a bonus, not an expectation - it IS early days for the DSDs Mum & new baby, so even if expecting a thank you in itself isn't that UR, you are been unreasonable hasty -

IMHO you should "just get over yourself" as "job done" & if you do eventually get a thank you, it will be a bonus rather than an expectation Wink

planetpotty · 13/12/2011 18:28

I can't even remember if I sent thank yous Hmm it's a busy old time dint take the absence of a thank you letter as a snub.

DunderMifflin · 13/12/2011 18:30

I don't think you should send a gift in expectation of a thank you card - especially if there's a new baby in the house!

Original poster
flixy102 · 13/12/2011 18:32

I'm not expecting a card, just maybe a text at the time? I will go and get over myself now!

OP posts:
ChristinedePizanne · 13/12/2011 18:38

I don't think I sent any thank you cards. I sent texts but that was as much as I could manage. I am a single parent and was struggling with breastfeeding/sleep/infection in my CS/really painful SPD. By the time I felt together enough to get cards (couldn't walk until 2 weeks after birth and didn't leave the house until five weeks) and get cards and stamps and find everyone's address, he was nearly 4 months and I thought it was a bit late in the day.

Meglet · 13/12/2011 18:41

yabu. After I had my first DC I was still sending out thank you's when he was 3 months old.

There's a good chance they lost the cards if they had a lot of presents and lost track of who gave what. Or they're just too busy and worn out to think of writing out cards.

TeWiharaMeriKirihimete · 13/12/2011 18:45

I don't know really! I did thank you cards for my PFB (and will do them again if PSB gets given anything) but not until about 2mths later when I got round to it!

I think we spoke to or saw most people before then so they did get an informal thanks, I think it is very likely that they have forgotten as you don't speak regularly anyway.

1Catherine1 · 13/12/2011 18:48

YABU... She is busy. She may have forgotten and now feel it is awkward to bring up now. Let it go. Be the sensible grown up with no hard feelings.

My IL bought a gift for my DD when she was born and took offense that I didn't say thank you... I'd like to see how their manners hold up when they're sleeping in 2 hour blocks! It is not like I asked them to buy anything for her or needed it. I didn't thank my family either but they didn't take offense.

Being a little sensitive imo.

LemonDifficult · 13/12/2011 18:51

YABU. This is a big deal to you but to her it's a Jelly Cat toy and people who've also been there and should/will therefore understand if the thank you gets lost under a squillion piles of laundry.

3inABIRDsnest · 13/12/2011 18:52

yabu. She probably barely has time to eat or shower, weeps half the time, and is up most of the night. Don't you remember what it's like?

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