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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with my mum about the DCs christmas presents

46 replies

azazello · 13/12/2011 15:43

My mum has dropped round the Dcs Christmas presents to go under the tree, For DD (4) she has: Playmobil, A fairy castle plus furniture and fairies and a dressing up costume.

DS (2) has a fort, a dressing up outfit and more playmobil. She has also given them a ride-on outdoors toy.

I'm a bit annoyed about this firstly because PILs and my parents are both coming over for Christmas and I suspect she has gone this overboard in part make it clear to PIls that she is top granny as she's never been this bad before.

Secondly, I know she currently has about £20k's worth of cc debt and it is only going up. She's planning to pay it off with her retirement lump sum but that is just such a silly waste of money.

The DCs are verging on the spoilt anyway and I don't think she should be getting them this number and type of presents. A book or two or a little train or something would be just as much appreciated. I know she loves them (and they love her) but think I should say something about how it has all got a bit out of hand.

OP posts:

fluffygal · 13/12/2011 17:40

When I was a kids we opened Father Christmas pressies when we woke up (anytime from 3am!) and presents under the tree was about 1pm just before lunch. Thats what we do now. Why do they need to open every present before breakfast? Gives them a chance to play with the presents from Santa before getting even more things!

valiumredhead · 13/12/2011 17:43

What tryharder said really, they sound like nice gifts and her debt is not your business.

Ragwort · 14/12/2011 16:18

We always had presents after lunch too - stocking from FC first thing, then Church, drinks with the neighbours, (light) lunch, walk, presents, Christmas Dinner ! And that's more or less how I do it now that DH and I are in charge (nearly said now I am in charge ........... ). Much prefer to space the gifts out. One year we waited until Boxing Day as someone - can't remember who - ended up having to go to A & E !!

exoticfruits · 14/12/2011 16:46

If it is your mother I think that it is a lot easier to deal with than PIL. Be honest, tell her that you know that she could have better use of the money and that one thing is enough and she could get a refund on the rest.

If she is unreasonable I would just put one present from PIL and one present from your mother under the tree for the day and tell her that there was so much that you are saving some for another day and spacing them out. That you think they will appreciate the gift more.
(top granny will be the one that spends time not money)

exoticfruits · 14/12/2011 16:48

her debt is not your business

This is her mother! The mind boggles at her losing her home and DD saying -'well that is your business-I'm not getting involved'!

Rhubarbgarden · 14/12/2011 16:51

I don't think there's much you can do about it this year, but I would make a point of gently telling her that while she has been most generous, she's putting the in-laws in an uncomfortable position and you'd really rather she didn't spend so much in future.

exoticfruits · 14/12/2011 16:56

You can't do much about giving them but you can organise when you open them.

slavetofilofax · 14/12/2011 17:10

I think it would be really unkind of you to put away one of the presents until Easter unless your Mum is completely in agreement. Don't do it if she disagrees at all, that would be horrible for her to have her gifts that are given with love rejected in that way.

It is nothing to do with your PIL's, so while it's nice that you consider their feelings, they can feel glad about the fact that they won't have the debt. They do not have more right to have their feelings considered than your Mum does.

I understand that you are worried about your Mum's debt, but that is for her and your Dad to sort out. Your Dad should be holding her back from spending money she doesn't have, it is not your responsibility and it is certainly not that of your dc's. Your children should recieve what they are given imo. If your Dad can't get through to your Mum about her spending, then maybe you could have a chat with her to tell her that you are concerned, but you shouldn't link it to the Christmas present situation. That will just hurt her and make her less likely to listen. It would do that to me if someone, especially my own child, started telling me how I could spend my money or my credit.

She is an adult, you shouldn't be expecting her to do what you think she should do when it comes to her finances.

exoticfruits · 14/12/2011 17:13

You don't have to put them away until Easter and you don't have to put just your mum's away!
Put a whole pile away until the next day.

TubbyDuffs · 14/12/2011 17:17

A 4 and a 2 year old have no idea how much anything costs, so I don't know why your pils would be put in a difficult position. Everything comes from Father Christmas at that age anyway.

I don't think I'd be putting anything away, but I would have a word about spending less next year, at a later date, and mention that it upsets you when you know about the cc debt and that you want to have a nice Christmas too, not worrying about your mum's debt.

aldiwhore · 14/12/2011 17:23

I think you are overworrying. It doesn't seem massively excessive, though I understand why you're worry regarding your mum's debt.

I don't understand though how anyone puts anything under the tree until Christmas??????! Santa delivers everything (everyone send santa the gifts they've bought and he decides if we've all been good enough - stops us being the bad ones if we forget christmas I suppose).... nothing goes under the tree apart from a growing array of anamatronic toys (arrrrgh). I ABU of course.

If the pile is huge, we tend to drip feed gifts over Christmas Day an dboxing day, for example, we've replaced the dead Wii this year, so its a family gift and bought a few new games, but we're not planning on revealing this present until boxing day... nothing wrong with drip feeding, not if its presents!

aldiwhore · 14/12/2011 17:24

I left out a whole sentence, regarding tree gifts sorry, it came across as a bit judgey... there should have been also "because the cat will eat them all/my youngest will open everything/I will shake something too hard and break it"

duckdodgers · 14/12/2011 17:28

I dont think the gifts are too much actually but what is it that is driving a need to be seen as "Top Granny" Is it a competition between them all then, thats a bit sad.

exoticfruits · 14/12/2011 17:30

I don't think that a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old needs lots of presents on the day. FC certainly doesn't bring the presents in our house-he sticks to his own!

andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee · 14/12/2011 17:51

You cannot control what your parent spends. Believe me.

I know it is heartbreaking seeing them go into debt especially when it's on frivolities (if that's even a word?!) but you are not the parent and it is not your responsibility.

exoticfruits · 14/12/2011 18:06

You can, however, control when they open it.

slavetofilofax · 14/12/2011 18:15

Father Christmas doesn't bring all the presents in this house either.

He fills the stockings and puts something under the tree, but the dc get presents from us and all their other famil as well, and they go under the tree. It looks nicer, and FC shouldn't get the credit for things that Aunts and Uncles and Grandparents have bought - how are the children going to say thankyou to the right people if everything comes from FC?

biddysmama · 15/12/2011 15:57

my mil goes mad at christmas, apparently my 16 month old has got a scalextric! she got him a £70 rocking horse hes too small to use for his birthday, ds1 is getting a kinect,last year it was a £100 table football dunno what shes got dd actually but those are their big presents from her... my mum only buys a token present, she gave ds2 a box of bath toys she got for £3.99 for his birthday so they cancel each other out iyswim?

Original poster

azazello · 15/12/2011 18:06

Sorry for not coming back sooner. I spoke to mum when she was in a good mood and she has agreed to give the DCs the outdoor toy when she is over at Easter so they can play on it straight away and DH and I don't need to be pushing them round the garden up to our knees in mud. The playmobil is going to be added to the stockings but granny gave that to FC.

The way I was brought up to do Christmas has the stocking from FC whenever the children wake up, breakfast, get dressed, church (leaving my dad cooking - now with DH's help) back and open tree presents which are all from the real people - not FC.

It is nice to get out and have a nice walk and a bit of a break before the real present session.
Afternoon is collapsing on the sofa and watching telly until you fall asleep.

OP posts:

andaPontyinaPearTreeeeee · 15/12/2011 19:56

Sounds like a really good compromise :)

winterreise · 15/12/2011 20:51

I am astounded at what some grandparents are buying for Christmas. My mum has 8 grandchildren and told me her budget this year is £20 each. MIL doesn't spend any more than that either. You'd need to move house if each kid got 12 bin bags of toys.

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