to find it so tough entertaining the inlaws so often!

[Newmummytobe79]

DH works all week and some Saturdays so we like to spend time together at the weekend with DC.

I used to see the inlaws frequently ... but not too much! (say once every three weeks/month) and they are 'hard work' - description by DH.

I thought he was being a bit tough on them but now understand what he means.

Since I'm on maternity leave I now see them at least once a week and it's getting me down.

They are overbearing, are competitive grandparents and spend over 4 hours at our house at a time.

I've tried to steer visits to their house, which usually last 2 hours, but I think they don't think this is long enough so always suggest coming to ours.

I found them lovely people when I saw them infrequently but as I've spent more time with them my MIL is manipulating and FIL passive aggressive.

They don't understand how busy DH is and think I sit at home with my feet up all day. FWIW - I don't!

I loathe the visit day and get worked up about it a couple of days before! But know they only want to see their GC and would never dream of not letting them spend time with DC.

They are both retired and quite old so I don't want to leave my DC with them at such a young age so am currently left to entertain them for 4+ hours and make endless cups of tea and small talk.

Sometimes it's not that bad but sometimes I just can't cope!

I'm having a can't cope day today.

I've made up excuses like needing to go shopping before, but they just come with me.

I don't mean to be nasty, it just tires me out (especially without DH's support) and I'm not stupid enough not to realise that they may feel the same way about me but put up with me so they can see GC!

AIBU? And how often do you see your inlaws?

never, they are dead

Fortunately my mum and dad moved to the other end of the country when I was pregnant with my first.

I was a bit at the time, but love the to pieces IF I only see them every couple of months.

YANBU.

You need better excuses!

"Since I'm on maternity leave I now see them at least once a week and it's getting me down."

How has this arrangement come about? Are they just inviting themselves? Do they phone up and suggest coming round and you feel obliged to accept it every time? Or has is come a same-time-every-week arrangement?

You have my sympathy as I have had this issue with inlaws for the past 16 years!!

We go there for dinner every sunday and since I had dcs they would come over to mine once a week and stay for 4/5 hours

However I have gradually been reducing the visits. This year for the first time we are not going to their house for xmas-they werent happy but tough! Also I have told dh that going every sunday is out. He doesnt even enjoy it but feels obligated as his mum uses emotional blackmail if we dont go.

I have also discouraged them from visiting every week by making sure I am busy or just ignoring the phone!

They are welcome to see the dcs as often as they like-funnily enough they babysit once a year

I do need better excuses!

Yep Vivi - I feel obliged.

They know I see my parents weekly (have done since I left home 12 years ago!) and I think it's tit for tat now we have DC.

They see their other grandchildren daily so probably don't think once a week is that often.

Snap! I'm off mat leave now so thankfully those types of visits have stopped. I eventually managed it by pre-empting any self-invtitations by emailing and offering them various days, rather than being told they were coming on such-and-such a day. I also insisted my DH saw them without my being there (as I would see by folks without him being there) occasionally. Now we maybe see them once a fortnight or once a month at a weekend - I still get screwed up about seeing them but now I don't see them on my own it's easier.

Do they live nearby?

I can understand that if they are old and fragile that you feel a bit uneasy about letting them carry or play too much with the DC, but surely they can help you with making tea?

Does your DH ever see them, or is it just you that gets the lovely pleasure of their presence?

Perhaps they are doing what my in-laws do and linger about at the end of the visit in the hope that DH (their son) will come home from work early or that the traffic will be light? Perhaps.

My in-laws come up about 3 times a year, as 'it's too far to drive' (even though FIL drives 3 times as far for his hobbies and the distance to our house is just as far if we drive!!!!)

Anyway, YANBU to find it tough, but think about all the lovely memories you're giving them with the DGC and brightening their days.

How old are your DC?

You say your ILs are 'both retired and quite old' but that could mean anything, surely if they are in good health they can look after one of your children for a short while (assume you have two) - could you then pop out with the other child to do some errands or something? Or could you at least say you need to lie down and leave the children and ILs all watching TV .

Sympathies - but I'm another one with no ILs left .

It's hard, but I think you have to stop "entertaining them" as such. It could be their age - people of a certain generation would not expect to dive in and make a cuppa in someone elses house; but once they have been asked to help - "could you pop the kettle on while I go and see to dc's nappy" they might be glad to.

Oh and PS - we are losing my mum so I have had to force myself to not "mind" the in-laws as much and to remind myself that the main thing is that they adore my DD, so I am trying to learn to ease up a bit...trying!

I don´t think that once a week is that often tbh.

Having said that, when I asked my ILs if they would like to come & see their only children once a week, in the week, so that they would only have seen their son for an hour or so after work, they said no.

They only wanted to visit at weekends so that they could have the whole day with their son!!