...not to splurge this money on my OH?

[tigermoll]

Another money thread, I'm afraid!

Briefly, my partner and I have v different approaches to money, - he earns a lot more than me, but his income varies wildly (he is self-employed, and so can go a few weeks/months without any money coming in at all, but then work for two months and be back in the black again) I have a steady-but-minimum wage job. We don't have any DCs or joint account/savings and split all household expenses totally down the middle.

I have recently had a large (three grand ) tax rebate. We are going on holiday in Feb, and I was planning to put 500 quid towards the holiday (my half) spend a further 500 on christmas, (including a few hundred on OH) and save the rest.

My partner thinks I'm being unreasonable, and that the money is 'free' and so can legitimately be spent on stuff, fun, nights out and luxuries. He has suggested more than once that we go away for a weekend in a hotel somewhere, named a few expensive restaurants we could go to, and pulls a slight face when I say 'sounds lovely, but I can't really afford it'.

The thing is, I know I am really uptight about money, - I have worked v hard to clear my debts over the past few years and I also have several long-term things I want to do (such as continue my studies and go travelling) and regard this money as a boost to those chances.

My partner is hugely generous, - when he has money he likes to spend it straight away and has bought me extravagant gifts and taken me away to posh hotels in the past when the living was easy. That was all lovely, but not something I ever expected/asked for.

So: AIBU not to take this opportunity to 'treat' him back? He loves luxury and extravagance (it makes me uncomfortable) and would love a bit of spoiling. But then the money will be gone [tight face] What should I do?

Actually, LifeBegins, that's made me think about finding something to invest in for him for a hundred quid or something. There must be something on Google....

He spends his money as he sees fit.

You spend your money as you see fit.

You are planning to treat him over Christmas as well as save some. Just because he doesn't like spending money on savings doesn't mean you are unreasonable to do so.

And at him expecting posh hotels etc for your holiday- is that off your money?

The first thing I'd do is sit with DH and say "we've got xxx back from the taxman, is there anything we need for the house?" and we'd decide if a new boiler / kitchen / sofa etc is needed and the money would go on that. If nothing is required for us as a couple, i'd be tempted to say "500 each to treat ourselves or 1000 total for a cracking holiday". The rest would be saved.

You both need to sit down an discuss essential money needs first, but as a couple who has a joint bank account, i would see the money as BOTH of ours.

YANBU - out of £3k, to spend £1k on holiday / Xmas and save £2k seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Although I suppose if you were planning to go on holiday anyway, that money actually sort of goes towards your savings too. But still.

Maybe one really nice meal out for the two of you, as well as the extra Xmas presents?

Basically I think he needs to respect your attitude towards money. Being a tight cow is a GOOD THING, and much better than frittering away money on unnecessary luxuries.

Can you tell I'm a tight cow too?!

You can start him a pension and give him a one off payment, and it will be up to him to contribute the rest, or an Isa or something.

I would be a bit vary to be with a man who earned a lot, but had so little financial sense.

tigermoll for the £100, what about something like Premium Bonds or wine that would age well? those are both "investments" but a bit more fun than normal savings...