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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That they grow up too quickly

18 replies

PieCherry · 13/12/2011 09:27

I accept at 10 it's unrealistic to expect my world wise son to still believe in Father Christmas.

He came home from school yesterday and whilst helping put the tree up he basically told me he didn't care about Christmas anymore, because people had no money and children were starving in Africa.

I love him to bits and part of me is happy he is aware of what is going on in the world, but the other half wants him to be my baby:(

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 09:46

Nope, I'm quite happy for my children to understand that they aren't the centre of a very happy world.

DD (5) saw an advert a few months ago from WaterAid (I think it was) and she asked lots of questions about it. It was a perfect opportunity for her to begin to learn that not all children are as lucky as her. We spent the evening watching . All the children are orphans. And we talked about their lives and how they might be different to hers - about the things she takes for granted like a cuddle when she's sad, her dinner on the table every night, turning the tap on for water...

She talked about it a lot afterwards and after visiting a charity shop for a local children's hospice, brought one of their collection boxes home, put her pocket money into it and 'encouraged' visitors to the house to do the same.

I thought it would be better for her to start with a local charity where she can relate it to her own life. She understands that the hospice helps children who are very ill and might never grow up. She now regularly sorts out clothes and toys she's grown out of to donate.

I think it's very important for her to develop a sense of compassion and empathy, and of gratitude and respect.

bejeezus · 13/12/2011 09:48

you should be very proud of him

squeakytoy · 13/12/2011 09:58

I would say 10 is fine for being aware of some of the worlds problems. Even when I was at junior school many years ago, and much younger than 10, we were encouraged to raise money for 3rd world countries. I remember little booklets with photos in them of children, and we had to sell them to family for the charity.

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 10:00

OP, 10 is about the age when children become really concerned with the plights of others - it's why the Blue Peter appeals have always done so well! They target children at just the right age.

If our children don't care about others then the world will be a very sorry place in the future.

Whateveryousaymustberight · 13/12/2011 10:03

I agree with the above posts, but I'd also be inclined to watch some good ol' Christmas films with him. You know the ones,' A Christmas Carol', 'It's a Wonderful Life', etc. They have the feel-good factor, and show Christmas in a better light than we get through all the blaring adverts and spend, spend message. I know loads of people who are paring down Christmas this year, just because the uber extravagance is so out of step with the world right now. I bet that's how he feels. And he'll always be your baby. Xmas Wink

banana87 · 13/12/2011 10:03

I would be very proud if he was my son, not at all Sad

AwayinaKayzr · 13/12/2011 10:06

I'd be very proud too. As well as a bit Sad that's he's growing up.

DS1 is 4 and is always taken by the adverts for charities. As a result we have 'adopted' a snow leopard and a jaguar and give money to water aid too.

lesley33 · 13/12/2011 10:09

I do understand where you are coming from. But the alternative is that he continues to grow up in a bubble with no concern or awareness of people outside his immediate life, for whom life is much harder. And that way imo lies the intolerance and nastiness that some people have to those who struggle more in life.

So it is really a good thing that he is developing this awareness.

The one thing i would say is that you don't want him to feel despair at the world as a whole. So maybe get him involved in doing something practical to make someone else's xmas better e.g. delivering presents to local kids hospice or raising a bit of money for a charity. So that he can see although people do struggle, that it is not all doom and gloom.

SantaDesperatelySeeksSedatives · 13/12/2011 10:10

As others have said you should be very proud of him, he sounds a very clued up, thoughtful boy.

Has he had a sort out of his stuff lately? Maybe in the new year he could go through all the stuff he no longer wants or needs and either donate it to the local childrens' ward or refuge or even sell it on ebay and donate the proceeds to a charity? If he wants to obviously.

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 10:12

AwayinaKayzr You sound very generous! Can I point you in the direction of a little known charity for Girls of Folk....

Original poster
PieCherry · 13/12/2011 13:08

Thanks all - it's really conflicting. I like the idea to get him to sell some of his stuff for charity, and then have a film/PJ day just me and him watching some Christmassy films:)
xxxx

OP posts:
TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 14:24

That sounds like a fantastic idea!!

It is a shame they have to learn about the harsh realities of life. But, far sadder for those living the harsh realities Sad

But I would much rather have a child who cared and was shocked enough to say what your son did, than one who didn't care.

He deserves an extra big hug for being a sweetheart.

lljkk · 13/12/2011 14:46

That is well done, none of mine really get the idea of charity giving yet (sigh). Mind, one friend has kids (under 10) who always think of "poor children in Africa" first, and i think it's maybe too much too soon... just because they are so out of touch with what their peers are like & thinking about.

I got The Boy in the Striped Pajamas for DS (12) to read, I felt obliged to explain to him what the Holocaust was. It's funny, we've already covered some awful things (child-snatching, sexual assault, sexual assault on children :(), but explaining the Holocaust was the very toughest by far. I think (hope) he was ready. He says the book was utterly fantastic read, but we agreed I probably couldn't take it (I am too soft).

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 15:05

lljkk Has he read Private Peaceful by Michael Morpurgo? It might be too much for you, but it was an amazing book. And I'd be happy with a 12 year old reading it. It moved DS to tears, and me... and my grandma. We all read it!

DS read The Boy in The Striped Pyjamas and Private Peaceful when he was 10 (I think).

It can be too much and too soon. The children need to understand which is why when my daughter showed an interest in orphaned children and water supply in Africa, I found a local charity she could support. My grandparents used to wheel out the "what about the starving children in Africa" line but it was too far removed from me for me to be able to relate to it or empathise.

AwayinaKayzr · 13/12/2011 16:15

Folkgirl do the girls of folk have an advert that will make DS1 go awwwww?

I swear he will bankrupt me. I've just refused to give money to some other animal charity.

Whateveryousaymustberight · 13/12/2011 20:15

Hey there Pie, I hope you and your son have a great Christmas. I know it's not the same as when he was tiny, but I reckon the charitable work and film day will be just as good. Different, but good.

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 20:22

AwayinaKayzr Not like a snow leopard would Sad

He sounds like a lovely boy Smile

Feminine · 13/12/2011 20:48

Squeaky ...they were sunny smiles books right? :)

For Dr Barnardos ...

op its great he cares.

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