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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To withdraw DD from nursery after this?

45 replies

Mydelilah · 13/12/2011 00:54

Today I discovered my DD (age 3.5 yrs) had had a tooth basically knocked out when head butted by another child during playground time at nursery and they did not even notice! As soon as I got there to collect her she showed me her very wobbly front tooth, the gum was also bleeding - this was 5.30pm. I asked the teacher what had happened and she said nothing, she'd had a knock at playtime at 10 am but they didn't see anything else wrong all day.

DH took her to the emergency denists tonight and she has to have the front tooth removed, which both DH and dentist chickened out on tonight as she was 'too traumatised'

I am absolutely raging furious that she spent basically a whole day in nursery with bleeding gums and front tooth hanging off by a thread and the teachers did not notice! Slightly weird that she told me straight away and said it hurts but hadn't said anything to her teacher all day... To me it's totally obvious, I can see bleeding and the fact that she's feeling it with her tongue all the time, and lisping a lot when she talks. I should add that there were 2 full time teachers and only 5 children in class today. Also no bump report/accident report was filed, no trace of the incident at all in nursery although teacher admitted there were 'a lot of tears' at the time

AIBU to wonder if she is safe in this nursery? I'm not sure if I can bring myself to leave her there again but frankly, I have a job to go to so need to act fast and find somewhere else, which is inconvenient if I'm overreacting.....(I've had issues already regarding their diligence in making sure children eat/go to loo etc during the day)

Thoughts welcome

OP posts:

spiderpig8 · 13/12/2011 10:01

DeWe- I beg to differ.the school should have pursued the 'thick lip' with your DD and her friends to get to the bottom of what happened.

Op -that is shocking.Really shocking.The 'headbutting' incident was probably a playground collision.It happens and baby teeth do come out quite easily.But for them not to notice, speaks volumes about the care and attention the children are receiving.

HecklerNotKoch · 13/12/2011 10:06

thats a long day for a little one to be stuck in a nursery :(

choceyes · 13/12/2011 10:13

YANBU at all. This is completely unacceptable. At my DC's nursery even a bite from another child will be recoreded and I have to sign it upon collecting the kids.

I would be fuming and reporting to Ofted.

HecklerNotKoch - huh? not that little...her DD is 3.5yrs. My £yr old DS has to be dragged away from nursery at 4.30pm when I go to collect him, he is having too much fun with his friends.

choceyes · 13/12/2011 10:14

meant to say my 3yr old DS

crapistan · 13/12/2011 10:23

Hmm...well it's up to you of course OP and how you feel instinctively but I actually think these things happen now and again, unpleasant as they are. How would the situation have turned out differently even if they had called you?

Maybe I'm a bit clueless but are nurseries actually responsible for "making" children eat and use the toilet?! Isn't that up to the children themselves?

Zondra · 13/12/2011 10:23

Yadnbu!!!
Absolutely shocking.
Definitely report to Ofsted & take your wee one out from this nursery. The trust has been broken & your DD would no doubt always feel unsettled if she was to return.
Hope the dentist visit goes well. Take care.

humblehippo · 13/12/2011 10:27

YANBU and not precious at all! Not sure how the nursery could miss it or how come they didn't even check teeth after something like that. I hope your poor DD is feeling a bit better now!

Greenshirt · 13/12/2011 10:41

Crapistan-Are you for real? Why bother with childcare at all ? Just leave the kids to fend for themselves and leave a plate of food on the side? Stupid comment!

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 10:43

I think crapistan was referring to the forced nature of 'making' rather than facilitating, enabling and encouraging.

Nurseries can't 'force' children to do anything. "Not doing something is as much of a child's choice as doing it" as I got told repeatedly during my first year of reception teaching!

tulipgrower · 13/12/2011 10:43

My brother smashed a front tooth in kindergarten (many moons ago), and didn't bother to tell anyone. (He'd been doing something he shouldn't have.) My father picked him up, and didn't notice either! My mother noticed at tea time, the front tooth was hanging by a thread, so we all spent a long family evening in the emergency dental hospital. This kindergarten was otherwise very concientious in informing my parents of my brothers frequent mishaps/scrapes.

How has this nursery behaved in the past regarding playground accidents? Do they usually inform you? I think these things can happen and sometimes go unnoticed without it always being a case of failed supervision. But if this is yet another incident, then you should perhaps find a better staffed nursery.

Heckler - ditto choceyes - my DS1 3.5y can only be forced home at 4pm, because I can tell him the the kindergarten is about to close, and he can see that the cleaning lady has started. (Closes at 4:30pm) As I'm currently a SAHM I wanted to pick him up earlier, but after several weeks of daily drama, I gave up. His best buddies are there until 4:30pm and they have endless amounts of toys, games, books, a gymnastics room, an art room, a huge outdoor area,..

breatheslowly · 13/12/2011 12:05

We probably get 2 accident forms per week for the 3 days of nursery DD does. They are all for minor bumps and bruises (so far). There is no way that they wouldn't notice a tooth being knocked out, contact us, fill out the paperwork etc. YANBU - what did the director say?

BalloonSlayer · 13/12/2011 12:14

YANBU but I am compelled to call you up on the way you are describing her injury.

All in your OP you put:

"tooth basically knocked out"

"very wobbly front tooth"

"has to have the front tooth removed"

"front tooth hanging off by a thread"

most of which contradict each other. If it is hanging by a thread why do you need a dentist to take it out?

You need to make sure you stick to the facts and do not exaggerate when you make your complaint.

cece · 13/12/2011 12:24

Something similar happened to my DS at school when he was in Year 1. I didn't have a problem so much with the fact another child knocked into him and hurt him. These things do happen... However, the school did phone me up and ask me to collect him due to the bleeding and half hanging on tooth (and incessant wailing). However, DS was crying and making quite a fuss!

Did your DC actually cry/spit blood/tell the teacher about her tooth? Not that I am defending them at all, just wondered really.

choceyes · 13/12/2011 12:47

If it is hanging by a thread why do you need a dentist to take it out?

To take out the tooth hygenically? I'd do the same. I won't be trying to cut the "thread" with a pair of kitchen scissors. And what about aftercare? Ofcourse a dentist must be seen.

maypole1 · 13/12/2011 13:31

I am afraid of you want your child to have virtual one to one care

The choices are
Childminder
Nanny
Or look after her your self

This would of most likey happened any nursery

5Foot5 · 13/12/2011 13:41

This would of most likey happened any nursery

Agreed the original accident could have happened at any nursery or school. But what is unacceptable is the way it went unnoticed and unreported all day.

When DD was in nursery this sort of thing would have been brought to our attention straight away and when she was in after school club any accident involving a bump to the head had a special form

RitaMorgan · 13/12/2011 13:43

I don't think it would happen in any nursery - and 2 adults to 5 children is nearer one to one care than you would get at a childminder! No excuse for the staff not to have noticed what happened.

Original poster

Mydelilah · 13/12/2011 14:08

Hi all. Many thanks for comments. She did cry when the knock happened but recovered after and there wasnt much blood, she also doesn't seem to have felt much pain because she did not tell the teachers (this is a concern for me but as per tulipgrower's post I think it's possible for the tooth to be hanging out without actual pain with milk teeth, and she perhaps didn't want a fuss). She's also a very robust kid and seldom cries much when she falls over etc

We do need it extracted by a professional as half is still attached next to the other front tooth and the gums are very bruised/purple today, off to the denists shortly and DD wont enjoy that one bit. (she dislikes dentists already hence the difficulties DH had at emergency care last night)

I've spoken to the teacher and the director, the general view is that they comforted her as you would expect from a bump but as there was very little blood and she was raring to get back in the playground they let her go and forgot to write it up as they were onto the next activity. Given that she wasn't complaining and even continued on to lunch I think that's understandable, although pretty shoddy following of process. The nursery director had been in her classroom a few times in the afternoon and reports that she was happy and involved in the activities, not sad in the corner.

My issue remains that the bleeding gums and dislodged tooth werent noticed at all throughout the day (I don't believe they really checked the tooth as other posters have commented you would expect a normal reaction to this type of accident to be) and they also didn't write it up - its taken all morning and several calls to piece together the events which really shouldn't be the case. On balance I'm going to give thought over the next week over whether it's the right place for her, but my immediate concerns over safety are reassured a little.

I do agree that you don't get one on one care in a nursery but I think at her age, interaction with other kids and the structured play are absolutely essential so I would have her in nursery even if I did not choose to work outside the home. It's just tough when something goes wrong and you weren't there to sort it out...

OP posts:

MayaAngelCool · 13/12/2011 19:32

That depends on the cm, Rita. Not all of them max out on their child quota.

jade80 · 13/12/2011 19:44

I wonder if it was that they didn't realise exactly where she had bumped? If a child was crying because they had bumped into someone/something, you'd comfort them, and if you didn't see the incident, perhaps ask where they were hurt. If your daughter didn't say her mouth hurt, I'm not sure why they would have looked in it? If a child came to me having bumped into something, I wouldn't automatically check their mouth unless they said it hurt/an injury was obvious. I would probably assume it was their forehead or something.
They should have written it up though.

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