DGM has dementia - AIBU to take my toddler on visits to care home? (long, sorry)

[blondieminx]

DH's Grandma with fairly advanced dementia has been in a home for the past week and will be in for the forseeable while Grandpa recovers from major surgery/undergoes further treatment for cancer. We (me, DH and 23m DD) all went to visit yesterday. Grandma LOVES babies and we're one of the few family members she hasn't "lost" in the last year.

She lit up when she saw DD and so did most of the other ladies in the lounge at the care home. One of the ladies had been slumped in her chair looking really zoned out - till she caught sight of DD.

The home comes with good recommendations but yesterday there was one man wandering up and down the corridor in his pajamas gabbling and invading some people's personal space rather (bit scary for an adult let alone a toddler). DH also spotted another lady exhibiting "difficult" behaviour (trying to undress herself) on his first visit.

So I am torn - I want to keep DD out the way of the more erm, tricky residents but don't want to deprive Grandma of seeing her much loved granndaughter, and on top of that I'm not sure the care home is the most stimulating toddler friendly environment (but she's very well behaved, and will happily play with cars/stickers or happyland stuff and obviously I keep a very close eye on her).

So, AIBU to expect DD to spend 30 mins or so a week visiting her grandma, or am I being a bad mummy to let her see dementia patients so regularly? Talk some sense into me please....

Thanks ever so much ladies for taking the time to reply and reassure me, I do love MN! :)

The thing about toddlers' expected norms of behaviour hadn't quite occurred to me really and that's made me feel a lot better. Think we'll be popping in on Thursday and on Christmas Eve :)

Please do continue to take your DCs.

I work in a residential home and you would not believe the joy that it brings to all the residents to see children within the home.

If you don't want to stay in the lounge then there should be other places that you can go to - either their own room or other public areas, or the grounds or take DGM on a little outing.

FWIW we have a couple of residents with some inappropriate behaviour, all the staff know who they are and watch out for them so we can act swiftly if need be. If you are concerned then a quiet word with DGMs keyworker should put your mind at rest.

Yes do take your DD to see her, it will mean a lot to her.
My Dad had alzheimer's, and we have some lovely photos of him taken towards the end of his life, holding his great grand daughter. His face is lit up with pleasure.

I would keep taking your DD.

I take my 5 year old DD to visit my gran who has alzheimer's every week. My gran still remembers my DD and they mutually adore each other. DD who is what is known in Scotland as a 'bit of a nippy sweetie' is so patient with my gran. She will answer the same question over and over again. If I was to repeat myself just once I would get pulled up about it by DD! If my mum or aunt visit without us my gran always asks for DD.

The other residents really enjoy her visits too. We went up after her Summer concert and she gave a rendition of the songs her class had learned. All the residents in the lounge joined in singing Viva Espana (before anyone asks - yes the school had omitted the bits about knee tremblers etc). One of the other residents is a single lady with no surviving family. She was a nursery worker and a nanny. She never speaks just smiles. What a suprise everyone got when one visit she started speaking to DD!

Just a quick update... we went for a visit today and it went really well.

There was a lady who got a bit shouty, and the staff just took her out leaving the rest of the lounge to coo over DD :)

Meanwhile DGM was like the queen bee for having a lovely DGGD to show off visit her.

Thank you all again, so so much for helping put my mind at rest. Wishing you all a very happy Christmas

Happy Christmas! I would definitely carry on the visits.

My Gran has dementia and has been in a nursing home for the last 6 months, I take my 14 month old son to see her every weekend and he loves it, she loves it and the rest of the patients love him visiting. Some of the patients go from being a bit unpredictable to gushing all over DS. On the other hand my eldest son whos 13 feels very uneasy going to visit as he doesnt know what to say or how to act around her. I would say take him for as long as you and your son feel comfortable.

Take her, I worked in care homes for 10 years so my two eldest children grew up around people with dementia. It brightens up most patients days to see young children, most of them well probably think she's a member of their family ( grandchild, niece ) she's young and it's probably not as scary for her as you think. I think my children learnt alot from being in my working environment, and even though some residents displayed challenging behaviour my children were never scared.