To think a sit down breast-feeding protest is a pointless and exhabitionist?

[WhiteTrash]

Totally prepared to be flamed for this.

Im from sunny Brighton and a post on facebook recently did the rounds regarding one women breastfeeding in a cafe to be approached by several 70 year old women who told her she should have been more descreet.

Yes they're out of line.

Next day theres posts going round about a sit down breastfeeding protest in town that Id been invited to.

My first thought was why?! I come from a very open minded, accepting, earth-mother (aka middle class hippies)ish town. To have a sit down breastfeeding protest is purely exhabitionist 'look at me! Im breastfeeding, in your face- ACCEPT ME. SEE ME.' bullshit.

I feel I (we) make far more a point by simple breastfeeding 'normally' around town as and when we need to. Why the need to get a group. Of women together for boob time?

It is merely feeding a baby. I fed 3, anywhere and everywhere-no one noticed, and if they did they didn't comment. It wasn't some great achievement, and no way would I join demonstrations.

I must say though that I agree with the OP - I don't really think feed ins are appropriate in this situation tbh. Plus I don't see the point.

I think that we have got lost from the OP and I agree with GetOrf.

Yes, the point of the ops thread has drifted a way somewhat.
I'll just say I totally agree with bf in public and don't give a shit if I see a breast.
But these demos are just stupid and attention seeking.
I'm now hiding the thread. Bored now.

What racingheart said. And I have never heard anyone (even 13 years ago ) make an unpleasant remark about someone BF in public.

IMO a sit in will get far more derision than praise and be counter productive.

I think that says it all LadyBeagle-nothing to add-I agree.

by exoticfruits Sat 17-Dec-11 14:22:15
There are lots of things that I do at home that I don't do when out. e.g. if on my own I might lick a plate-I don't in front of other people. We can't just do what we like, when we like and say 'to hell with other people'!

Well, thank goodness the law disagrees with you there.

I am quite entitled to say to hell with other people, if their views are unreasonable or unlawful.

People claim to be offended by all sorts of inoffensive things; the smell of someone's perfume, someone wearing a headscarf, mixed race marriages, gay relationships, an exposed breast which is feeding a baby.

By all means, feel aggrieved by whatever you wish. Your issues are your own. But when you expect ME to move/ hide/ change my behaviour or my countenance to accommodate YOUR feelings, you've crossed a line. Morally, and legally.

There was a thread a few days ago where MN was unanimous in their disgust of a person who asked a colleague to remove her headscarf because "it offended her". Quite right of course.

The irony that people can then expect a mother to cover herself up to respect the beliefs of similarly ignorant fools is apparently lost on some.

It isn't anything to do with the law. Of course there are lots of things that I can do if I want-like ignore a queue and barge in front, lick the crumbs off my plate in a cafe etc. I don't do these things out of politeness and consideration for other people. I have bf all over the place, but I am 'not in people's faces' -it is perfectly possible to do it quietly without the least fuss. No one has ever even commented-I can't see why they would-it is a perfectly normal function.
Why would I have an issue with it? The only reason I could see was if there was a very militant bfeeder who was determined to make it an issue.

I live in Brighton and saw it on tv and the general consensus amongst many here inc very pro breast feeding earth mum types was that it was a bit cringe

It was a bit cringe to me too and people like verylittlecarrot, who don't think that you need to be in the least discreet, put me off entirely. People quietly bfeeding, the way they would normally is far more effective.

It is never dirty, or rude, or inappropriate, or impolite to breastfeed in public. Whether you do it discreetly or you have a breast exposed.

Anyone who suggests otherwise is, simply, wrong. And bigoted. And I don't have much truck with bigots. So I can live with putting you off, thanks exoticfruits, with your smug namecalling and nasty attitude. And I'm sure you can live with the knowledge that I despise your rather cowardly hypocrisy in having breastfed unhindered yourself, yet still wish to judge and condemn and make rules for other women who want to breastfeed their way.

Each to their own.

Each to their own indeed-but the people who put me off the whole thing are the strident types who have to make sure everyone knows what they are doing. Everyone can manage bfeeding or any other type of feeding (including themselves) without fuss. The reason that I wouldn't have anything to do with a mass bfeed is that it would be taken over by the strident types.

What I've never understood is that if you can't manage to breastfeed with relative ease in public, why would you bother at all? Admittedly I had twins so it was never going to be easy for me to manage it, but sometimes I felt as though it was only the perceived pressure from others for me to conform and breastfeed happily in public that made me feel I should continue to do so, when in fact I found the experience profoundly upsetting and stressful. Again perhaps because I had twins I let go very early on of the idea that my life should be able to continue as normal with no disruption. Actually, it's not necessarily 'normal' to go to cafes with other mothers and breastfeed your child - it's only something women have been doing for a relatively short period of time. I think if you can breastfeed anywhere happily you should continue to do so, but for me to keep my back straight for 1/2 an hour (or more), sitting in a chair which I wasn't used to, without my exact arrangement of pillows etc, I just found it exhausting and difficult and was happy to accept defeat until such a time I could manage to go to a cafe without needing to feed my children.

I just think this is a non-issue; like plenty of other sane women I managed to breastfeed in public without anyone batting an eyelid, but I actually think some people love the drama surrounding bf 'issues' and old ladies apparently tutting etc. It isn't actually polite to whip your baps out in public, imo, and it is perfectly possible to feed a baby without showing any flesh. So why not just do it liek that and carry on as you are? I have to say I have seen a full topless 'look at me' bf fandango (East Duliwch no less) and I thought it was totally ott attention seeking.
But when you get beyond that stage of babyhood in your children you tend to gain perspective, i find. Honestly, who frigging cares?

In four and a half years of breastfeeding I've never met a strident type. And just because I can be discreet, doesn't mean everyone can. Nor should it mean they SHOULD.

The way you speak, it's as if you want to create an acceptable face of breastfeeding (quiet, apologetic, discreet, no-one notices) so that you can distance yourself from your unacceptable face of breastfeeding (normal volume, normal clothes, visible, unapologetic).

I think it's cowardly - it's like a way of saying "I know some people find the whole concept of breastfeeding disturbing, quite right too, but, look, I did it so nicely, you don't even know I'm doing it, so please don't have a problem with me, direct your disgust to ooh, look, those women over there - they are Blatantly Visible - disgraceful!"

It's supporting the concept that in fact, certain ways of breastfeeding are wrong.

And yes, if no-one knew what you were doing it's not surprising you avoided unpleasantness. It would be great if every woman managed to avoid unpleasantness, not through hiding, but because no-one thought to dish it out.

verylittle carrot, you are being very nice about this in the face of my meanness, but I still don't understand how it is remotely hard to be discreet? I am far from an apologetic person btw, I'm confident, even strident about stuff I believe in, but this isn't an issue about shame, imo. I genuinely believe it's polite to not show your entire bosom when feeding a baby. Rightly or wrongly, this can make some people (especially the elderly) feel uncomfortable. You may not believe this but I am coming from this from the angle of politeness.
It's just creating angst where there needn't be angst.

My 6mo cannot feed at the moment without doing sit ups, rolling over, shouting, pulling my hair, tugging all my clothing around and then burping loudly enough to be heard a substantial distance away.

This is not me being indiscreet this is my daughter being who she is. If I try to feed her in public then people are going to see flesh/nipple if they look over at the wrong moment.

So should I stay at home?

Mine is just from an angle of politeness. I don't go around unnecessarily upsetting people and making them uncomfortable when I don't have to. You don't have to hide, you can be friendly and put people at their ease.
I don't find it cowardly to behave in a different way outside the home. If you want to change outlooks you do it by politeness and friendliness-arguments and 'rights' get you nowhere.

YABVU

There are two issues:

1. Can all mothers be discreet? Entropyglitter's post should bring some insight into that question, and a cursory search of the boards here will quickly dispel the myth that it is possible for all women. From what I recall, it is often larger breasted women who struggle, also those with distractable or refluxy babies. For myself, I own numerous "discreet" nursing wear tops and dresses, but if my 22 month old wants to create a public display, he's more than capable.
2. Why should a mother be discreet? I was going to post this earlier but deleted my post, however here's an analogy. My mixed race marriage doesn't offend reasonable people. However, a sizeable portion of the population, those that voted BNP, feel my marriage is an aberration, and should not be acknowledged. Should I be polite and respect their views? After all, the presence of my husband and I offends them, should we leave their presence, or pretend we are not married? By confronting their prejudice and asserting my rights am I "creating angst where there needn't be angst"? They have a right to their views, should I be polite and make myself invisible?

It's such a no-brainer. We can accept the right of someone in our society to hold an unreasonable view, but we should never accept them imposing it on others.
The same applies to requiring a bf mother to cover up. It's not on. People balk at applying the same principle to breastfeeding because they are reluctant to accept they could possibly be holding an unreasonable view. Yet breastfeeding women are exempt from charges of public indecency because the law recognises that there IS no indecency in nursing.

It's a relatively recent thing in the UK to be so prudish about nursing breasts. (especially whilst completely tolerant of breasts exposed in any other context) A backward step. Something that should be reversed as soon as possible, for all the damage the attitude is doing.

Well said slinking

There has been a lot of insecurity about bf on this thread - there always is

Bf is important and the benefits of it stay with a person for life however much some people are desperately trying to refute that fact

I don't know where you get the relatively recent thing from? How recent? My mother's generation were not very open they generally stayed at home more.
Going back women used to have wet nurses. Jane Austin didn't even live with her family for the first 2 years-she was farmed out to a village family-which was common practice. Just curious as to when the 'golden age' was. I would have said that we are far more relaxed about it now.