To think a sit down breast-feeding protest is a pointless and exhabitionist?

[WhiteTrash]

Totally prepared to be flamed for this.

Im from sunny Brighton and a post on facebook recently did the rounds regarding one women breastfeeding in a cafe to be approached by several 70 year old women who told her she should have been more descreet.

Yes they're out of line.

Next day theres posts going round about a sit down breastfeeding protest in town that Id been invited to.

My first thought was why?! I come from a very open minded, accepting, earth-mother (aka middle class hippies)ish town. To have a sit down breastfeeding protest is purely exhabitionist 'look at me! Im breastfeeding, in your face- ACCEPT ME. SEE ME.' bullshit.

I feel I (we) make far more a point by simple breastfeeding 'normally' around town as and when we need to. Why the need to get a group. Of women together for boob time?

I see we're in the Guardian - nice article, Claire.

Maybe it's true that women who are proud to have breastfed have certain unexamined attitudes - but I think women who get very angry/irritated by lactivists have unexamined attitudes too. Including (but not limited to) discomfort with the dual role of breasts, alienation from their roles as mothers, need to fit in with what broader society expects of them (broader society being hugely hostile to the day-to-day business of mothering IMO), fear of being seen as feminists, etc etc.

yabu. I live in a town where it is totally acceptable to breastfeed in public, every time I have to feed outside my little bubble I am shocked at how uncomfortable I am made to feel, nobody has ever made a comment directly to me but I have had lots of sideways glances, people moving away from me and whispering to each other. This has made me cover up on ocassion, which is absurd, why should breastfeeding women have to pander to other people's perverted sense of what a breast is for? Anything that makes us more visible should be applauded, you should thank her for trying to make a difference.

Reading comments from those who say that negative comments should be shrugged off and get on with feeding, it's great that you all have such confidence that you can do this but what about those that don't? A large part of society does still frown on it and that does put people off breastfeeding, anything that brings it to the public's attention is one step in the right direction, why do you all feel the need to be so negative and assume that just because you found it easy to feed in public that others do too?

at LeQueen, well said.

One of the things I am most proud of in my life is breastfeeding my kids - although I dont shout it from the rooftops... I dont think there is anything wrong with that, but like anything you are proud of, it's not something to use as a superior tool!

I agree totally with LeQueen and would also extend her comments to the perfect, unassisted birth. BF and natural childbirth are both very small constituents of being a mother and children remember neither. They do, however, remember being loved, being supported, their favourite dinners, mum's safe arms on the first trip to a&e, dad yelling from the touchline, fun times on holiday, touching moments, their first day at school, their first detention and reasoning it through. All far more important imo.

I think that in a long list of accomplishments as a mother it comes pretty low. I am pleased that I did it but, once I had got the hang of it, it came easily-a lot easier than faffing around with bottles etc.

Odd that those who think the topic so mundane and banal actually have more to say on it than anyone else.

Lol at slinking's very accurate observation!

YANBU.

In this very instance, unless all of those babies were hungry at exactly the same time (by miracle of coincidence or starving them earlier in the day), then it was exhibitionist and simply "that type of mother" getting her Tits out in public, which, i think fulfils the criteria.

You know, I've never met a woman who breastfed who is smug about it, or who thinks she's somehow 'superior'. You can be proud of having done something without it being anything to do with how you feel about other people. I am inordinately proud of the fact I managed to breastfeed my twins, but that says TONS about what I think about myself (I never thought I had it in me to succeed at it) and fuck all about what I think about other people.

The thought of a BF protest makes me shudder. It does nothing to normalise breastfeeding; in fact all it does is polarise those who do even more from those who don't, or didn't, or didn't succeed at it. BF'ing mothers are not all lunatic extremists, we're normal people doing something entirely normal. I've never wanted to turn my ability to breastfeed my children into a political statement. There will always be occasional oldies freaking out about ANYTHING, roll your eyes and leave them to it.

I've never seen a BF mother 'getting her tits out' either.

I've seen a BF mum getting her baps out & I though it wasn't nice. Didn't say anything to her but it made me cringe. If you do it, do it quietly & don't make a fuss.

I hate those who want to tell the world by proclaiming in the streets "look at my tits - baby hanging off them".

Just do it somewhere I can;t see.

How is it "exhibitionist" to do something that it is perfectly normal to do in public, in public?

Is it exhibitionist to drink a cup of coffee in public?

YABU

I agree with you OP although a lot of people are picking on your wording I know what you meant.

The most effective protest would just be to carry on BF as and when you need to regardless of whether people object. Not to all meet up and feed those babies regardless of whether they want feeding or not seems a little odd to me.

I understand the need for less confident women to get used to it around others. To get together to do this is a complete different matter and a need for most. I know it helped me to meet up with other new mums for an afternoon catch up and feel confident that I could BF, struggle a bit but not feel under pressure of anyone possibly questioning me on it.

YANBU but if it has knocked that woman's confidence then it would be nice if you are her friend to go out with her, just for moral back up.

I don't understand why it has to be exhibitionist.
On 2 occasions I was breastfeeding my LO and people were at my shoulder talking to me and not realising what I was doing.
One was my Husband!
The other an older lady.
Chatting away, when she asked to have a wee look at her face, I had to say 'In a mo, she is feeding just now'
She was completely thrown because she obviously hadn't been aware.

So, if I can BF without someone, standing right next to me, noticing, why can't everyone else??
Problem solved.

I was not using any attention seeking shawls or anything else.
Once was tucked into a couch at a cafe, the other was on an open seat in a different cafe.

I think it depends on the situation. If the mother was breast feeding discreetly than that is fine, but I have been in a cafe where a woman got out her breast for about five minutes before feeding the baby. She just sat there with it hanging out for about five minutes. Would not have believed it if I had not seen it! That sort of behaviour is out of line. I should also say this woman was just a pain, and insisted on bring her buggy into the cafe, and then insisted on sitting in front of another table and blocking the aisle, so no-one else could use the other tables, and refused to move it when asked to let people pass. I really do not know what her issue was, but people like her make all mums look bad. I think rushing to breastfeed in protest because one person asked someone to be discreet is rather stupid. Apart from anything feeding your child should not be used as a form of protest. I have heard plenty of people be unpleasant to bottle feeding mothers, without hearing of a bottle feeding protest.

How is it "exhibitionist" to do something that it is perfectly normal to do in public, in public?

Is it exhibitionist to drink a cup of coffee in public?

On both counts it depends on how you do it. Most people manage both without drawing attention to it, they just treat it as a normal, everyday happening.

kookikookchoo,
What do you mean they made you cover up, were you just feeding with your boobs sticking out? And why did you think it was a sexual thing? Just because someone does not want to see your boobs does not mean they think of your boobs as sexual. I think it gets very annoying when breastfeedin women who hang their breasts out insist that if people do not like this it is because they see their breasts as purely sexual, as if it never crosses their minds someone might just find it unpleasant to look at whilst they are eating.

I dont think a sit in is useful unless it was the staff of the shop that caused the issue...

On a separate issue I just made the pro vice chancellor of my university rearrange a meeting so I would have a slot to express....

not sure if I am chuffed or terrified....

I am sh!t at breastfeeding - first time round I had twins and they had synchronised feeds and had I managed to pull myself off the floor and get breastfeeding established they not been largely bottle fed there is no way that I would have attempted a tandem feed in public. In my experience, you end up largely naked from the waist up

Second time around with a singleton I breastfed but I was still totally sh!t at feeding in public, so I found it stressful. My boy was heavy and a lazy latcher and I had an aching c section scar so feeding him wasn't effortless and required cushions and all sorts of faffy props for the first month or so. I exposed myself to most of London at one point or another and always felt rather mortified about it. Breasts have a dual role in my life. Yes, they've been for feeding but they also have a sexual function. Although I'm very body confident and have no problem with nudity with nearest and dearest, I wouldn't go topless on the beach for example. I wouldn't feel comfortable showing my breasts to strangers. And because I was an hopeless breastfeeder, feeding my baby in public did usually involve a flash of nipple/breast at some point, although I tried my hardest with faffy, drapy scarves, etc. I cringe at the memory of exposing myself to an entire and packed bookshop/coffee shop when my scarf slipped and my baby decided at that point to latch off. Awful. No one said a word though. They probably saw how flustered I was.

I think if people feel strongly then they should protest. I do think there can be a prevailing attitude that it is something that should be covered and concealed and done 'privately' so in that sense, anything that breaks this attitude is a good thing. If that involves a bunch of slightly mad-eyed women feeding in sub-zero temperatures on a Brighton pavement then all power to them. My theory is that the more we do something the more we normalise it. If people get used to seeing women breastfeeding in cafes and on park benches and on trains then it becomes everyday and less shocking, less eye-catching and that in itself makes it 'easier' for everyone. Easier for the mother doing it, who might not be that comfortable with the process of public feeding, and easier for those out there who feel a bit awkward when they see it. It's precisely this reason that made me go out there and feed my baby in public, when my instinct was perhaps to go and hide in a cramped public loo.

So yeah, I admired them for getting fired up about something and making a stand. It's easy to write them off as breastmilk nazis who view feeding their child as the acme of personal acheivements but I doubt many/any of them are actually like this. it's easy to throw a lentil-weaver tag on them, to compartmentalise them when in fact they're acting on something they feel strongly about. That has got to be applauded, right? The more women who get up and protest the better in my humble opinion. Better than grumbling at home over a packet of jaffa cakes anyway. Besides, I loved their faces in the photos. You could see the charge and adrenalin that comes from doing something positive, something for other people; the cohesion of a good and common cause.

How is it "exhibitionist" to do something that it is perfectly normal to do in public, in public?

Is it exhibitionist to drink a cup of coffee in public

If you sat there topless it would be! :)

Whenever I go in the Starbucks at my supermarket, there are women who are feeding their babies. At least that is what I assume they are doing, because they are doing it discretely, and nobody is taking a blind bit of notice.

Oh, and twinklingfairy

"So, if I can BF without someone, standing right next to me, noticing, why can't everyone else??
Problem solved.
I was not using any attention seeking shawls or anything else."

Well done, dear! So you nailed feeding? Aren't you fabulous.

It's a bit like saying, well I had an all natural, drug-free vaginal delivery so why can't everyone else? Why does everyone else need ATTENTION SEEKING (nice!) epidurals...?

People might need 'attention seeking' shawls and other devices because they're just not as A-star fan-fucking-tabulous at feeding as you are. Maybe their stomach still hurts because they've had an hideous c-section with healing issues and an undiagnosed tissue infection and it hurts to lift and rest a 10lb baby against their stomach. Oh, and their baby has a tricky latch because it's got oral thrush (and you've got nipple thrush and a milk blister). All of these things. Don't just brush off everyone else because they can't feed effortlessly. Your attitude sucks. Instead of watching someone struggling with feeding but still feeding regardless you just view them as a lesser, attention-seeking, specimen who just isn't trying hard enough. Not very supportive or empathetic is it? Not what you'd expect or hope a fellow breastfeeding mother would be.

Wow! What a lot of assumptions you have made about my character Kits, made me
I was thinking of one woman I knew, in particular, who brought far more attention to her Breastfeeding by faffing about with a big black shawl in an attempt to be discreet. It seemed a very upside down way of doing it and a bit of a shame for the baby to be in darkness as a result.
Also my thoughts were on the type of people that Kelly mentioned.
I had a friend who would give you a full view of her boob before putting baby baby on. I don't get that.

I just think mothers ought to practice before feeding in public and if they feel they show too much flesh, try to minimise it. If they don't think that hanging a boob out for an age before putting baby on for a feed is too much, then I would find that odd (not the best of wording I know) But come on, be reasonable, think about where you are and who might not want to see your boob.
Breastfeeing in public is great, it normalises it and advertises it as a Great thing to do, but if you do it in a way that even your best mate is squirming??
It is great that mothers BF, I have no issues with them doing it in public especially if they are doing it through pain and hard work. I was not without my own bouts of mastitis, but you can still be discreet.