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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a sit down breast-feeding protest is a pointless and exhabitionist?

251 replies

WhiteTrash · 12/12/2011 19:07

Totally prepared to be flamed for this.

Im from sunny Brighton and a post on facebook recently did the rounds regarding one women breastfeeding in a cafe to be approached by several 70 year old women who told her she should have been more descreet.

Yes they're out of line.

Next day theres posts going round about a sit down breastfeeding protest in town that Id been invited to.

My first thought was why?! I come from a very open minded, accepting, earth-mother (aka middle class hippies)ish town. To have a sit down breastfeeding protest is purely exhabitionist 'look at me! Im breastfeeding, in your face- ACCEPT ME. SEE ME.' bullshit.

I feel I (we) make far more a point by simple breastfeeding 'normally' around town as and when we need to. Why the need to get a group. Of women together for boob time?

OP posts:
LeQueen · 13/12/2011 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TandB · 13/12/2011 09:50

I don't really see the point of this protest. If it was a public body or a restaurant or shop that had taken issue with someone BFing then I would fully support everyone descending on those premises and BFing to make the point that it is fully legal and stop it happening again.

But what is the point of protesting against random, judgemental old ladies? They are everywhere! If I had organised a protest everytime a random, judgemental old lady harassed me about carrying DS in a sling I would never have got anything else done. All this will do is cement those particular women's opinions - if they even hear about it. Everyone who was already OK with it will remain OK with it and everyone who was judgy about it will probably get more judgy.

I agree that the best way to normalise BFing is to normalise it - just get on with it. Challenge ignorance when confronted with it, by all means, but don't make a song and dance about it.

HoHoOpotomus · 13/12/2011 09:59

Biscuit Biscuit

it's attention getting yes, but surely that is the point?

It's hardly exhibitionistic though - do you think they are waving their boobs around "look at me, look at me"???? Er no - they are feeding their babies, collectively - making a point that BF is normal, and Mums should be free to do it, without harrassement, anywhere their baby needs a feed.

HoHoOpotomus · 13/12/2011 10:02

There are reasons why the UK has one of the lowest rates of BF in Europe you know. These women are confronting one of them.

choceyes · 13/12/2011 10:03

Completely agree with Kungfupannda!

I can't see what it will achieve. I agree with those that say it will just make the BF mothers look militant, rather than just getting on with feeding their babies and carrying on as normal.

Why is this woman (Claire I believe) even care what an ignorant 70yr old woman as said to her? She knows she is in the right, so why even care? I'd have just rolled my eyes at her, and if she's ask me to stop BF, then just say, I'm not going to.

I BF my 16 month old DD everywhere. Nobody has ever said anything negative to me.

choceyes · 13/12/2011 10:05

making a point that BF is normal, and Mums should be free to do it, without harrassement, anywhere their baby needs a feed.

Ofcourse it is. Anyone with an ounce of brain will know that. Those that don't, this it not the way to sway them IMO.

Serenitysutton · 13/12/2011 10:18

I'm not sure, I think it's the reputation bf has here, tbh. It seems like in the states bf is associated with anjelinas and Miranda kerrs, beautiful women back in their skinny jeans weeks after birth, bf in the office, Getting on with fabulous lives with good hair and sparkly eyes whereas in the uk it has an assocation with overweight unmade up stragily eyebrowed hippies in Jesus sandals wooping their boobs out in cafes with 13 of their best hippy mates to make some bizarre protest and get attention for "the cause"

LeQueen · 13/12/2011 15:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

exoticfruits · 13/12/2011 19:04

Well said LeQueen. Xmas Smile

LeQueen · 13/12/2011 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NinkyNonker · 13/12/2011 20:53

Many people on here consider it an achievement as it is something that they find very hard, painful and tiring...so in that respect yes I would agree with them. Many are told to stop being martyrs on here, if they choose to continue for the good of their child then I see that as an achievement in a way too. Many proclaim it to be hard etc, so it obviously seen as something to overcome.

However for me, it was the opposite. Easy peasy, never had an issue. Not because I am some awesome earth mother, but because DD had no problems latching and I had no problems producing! But for some, yes it is an achievement, and with DC2, who knows...it may be different.

I've also never had an issue BF-ing in public, and have done so in many different situations. Likewise I wouldn't bat an eyelid at anyone else, although I must admit to never really having seen anyone doing it. I have known someone who was on the receiving end of a few odd looks apparently, but apart from that no issues round here.

I can udnerstand people wanting to make a stand if they are on the receiving end of such odd attitudes, however this prob won't work. Just going back again and carrying on as normal would probably be more effective.

LeQueen · 13/12/2011 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyBeagleBaublesAndBells · 13/12/2011 21:14

YY to LeQueen Grin.
My opinion exactly, and I did both too.
No one even noticed when I was BF, and I never had little old ladies tutting at me, though little old ladies tutting seems to be a permanent feature on MN.
The whole Brighton thing is ridiculous.

skybluepearl · 13/12/2011 22:31

breast feeding is simply a baby having its food. I wouldn't call you an exhabitionist if you were to eat your tea in front of me. there is nothing preverse or rude - breast feeding is what nature intended. BFing
is lovely

exoticfruits · 13/12/2011 22:46

Of course it is just a simple thing, so there is no need to make it anything else. No one ever noticed me. The only comment I did get was when I was a bit self conscious on a train and a lovely woman said that she bf on a commuter train in Surrey in 1950's in an old fashioned carriage full of men with bowlers and brolleys and they just opened their newspapers and ignored her. People have always managed-you don't need the militant making a huge fuss.
It is only a very small part of mothering and no one knows or cares a few years on. I agree with LeQueen-there are much more important things such as hearing your DC read every day.

Laquitar · 13/12/2011 23:30

Grin @ LeQueen 15:41:30. So true!

MrsChemist · 14/12/2011 10:01

I've been old lady confronted (there was a thread). I stood my ground, but I'd pay money for it not to happen again. I hate confrontation and now I'm just that little bit more self-conscious about BFing in public, and that makes me angry. Angry with her and angry with me, for letting it get to me.

Having said that, she's the only one. The rest have been lovely. Indeed, many people jumped to my defence when the woman was horrid to me.

I wouldn't dream of protesting. It was just one bigot out of hundreds of positive people.

AnotherMincepie · 14/12/2011 10:48

True British manners and courtesy - wonderful :)

"an old fashioned carriage full of men with bowlers and brolleys and they just opened their newspapers and ignored her"

HoHoOpotomus · 14/12/2011 11:00

But there are also women who manage to turn BF-ding into some sort of event with much kerfuffle and 101 teeny-tiny gestures proclaiming - GoshLookAtMeI'mBreastFeedingAren'tITheNuturingEarthMotherBondingWithMyBabyWhilstSimultaneouslyChallengingDatedParochialAttitudes... Hear. Me. Roar.

Seriously, I've never encountered any of these women!

But BF'ers are very much in the minority. Out in London with my babies I notice the very rare other Mum BF'ing - it's much more common to see babies bottle fed.

I wonder how many of those babies having a bottle are having breast milk expressed in advance of the outing because the Mum feels uncomfortable BF in public?

GrimmaTheNome · 14/12/2011 11:13

True British manners and courtesy - wonderful

Well quite. If you don't want to look at a woman feeding her baby just don't look.

NinkyNonker · 14/12/2011 11:34

No not at all, I am talking of their motivations...fairly obviously. If they choose to overcome significant personal difficulties for the benefit of their children (perceived or otherwise, yadda yadda) then they can feel they have achieved something in my opinion.

Like I said, bf was no achievement for me, nothing to be proud of and I never understood those who told me it was when dd was 1yr plus...simply because it was the easier option for me. I stopped when dd was 15 months because I was pregnant and it was agony... I didn't persevere through anything. However for my friend who is still bf-ING post one yr after suffering an undiagnosed tongue tie, repetitive mastitis and then blocked ducts for about the first 3 months to have persevered is an achievement. Persevering with anything tough for perceived 'selfless' ideals is always something to be proud of in my book.

Doesn't mean I think this sort of protest works though!

exoticfruits · 14/12/2011 11:43

Seriously, I've never encountered any of these women!

You are very lucky! The reason that I wouldn't get involved with a mass bf is that they would be out in droves!

miaowmix · 14/12/2011 11:49

Agree with lequeen and other voices of reason...
A Brighton titathon... good grief!
I was another one who discretely breastfed and never got a negative comment or even a second glance. Breastfeeding wasn't actually the be all and end all of my life, thank god.

TraceyI · 14/12/2011 12:54

I have been reading all the posts on this thread and a few things jumped out at me to make me want to comment.

I am a Brighton mum whom bfs very discreetly, for those of you that have never run into the negative attitudes i'm really happy its great news, But this isnt the case still for to many women still.....even with the changes in law to protect bfing mums.

I am a quiet shy person and in the summer I was told to move by a very rude duty manger at a establishment in Brighton whom told me it was indecent. I was with both my children and was a very difficult thing to deal with,
complaints to the company afterwards resulted in the company involve being made aware of the law, and that the behaviour of the manger was unacceptable. They now have BFing friendly sign and better trained staff as to regards of the rights of bfing mums.

I fully support this Flash Mob BECAUSE to many people are not aware mums and babies have protection by law that harassment of bfing mums is not acceptable behaviour in this day and age of political correctness.
if the flash mob makes just one more person aware of this FACT. Then it has done its job. Then that one less mum to face the horrific feelings I went through in the summer.

exoticfruits · 14/12/2011 16:12

I do wish that someone would make a complaint in front of me so that I can support them but although I see plenty of bfeeding I have never heard a negative comment.
I wouldn't mind a flash mob if I knew who else was in it Tracey, but it is generally hijacked by the type of mother that irritates me.(the sort mentioned by LeQueen)

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