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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to wrap everyone else's presents?

60 replies

joshandjamie · 12/12/2011 18:23

Ok, I know very well that I am being unreasonable and I should instead just be grateful and shut up and stop being so miserable and should appreciate how lucky I am etc etc etc. But it annoys me nonetheless.

For the last few Christmases/birthdays when family/godparents have bought gifts for our kids they order them online and send them direct to me. They then send me an email saying: 'Hi, have sent gift. Please wrap for me and give to child.'

Yes I am very grateful that they are making the effort and spending their money on buying my children presents. But I have my own heap of Christmas presents I have to wrap. What's more, it feels really impersonal - like here's something I found on Amazon, it took me two minutes, happy Christmas. No note or card.

Yet when I send presents to their children, I order them, get them sent to me, wrap them and put a personal note on them and then pay more postage to post them on to them. Am rapidly thinking that I am the fool here and that I shall just do what they do. It will save on wrapping time, postage costs and general effort.

Bah humbug. I'll just give myself a

OP posts:

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 10:09

OP YANBU.

We have a different gripe if it makes you feel better! We end up buying presents for our children on behalf of all the members of our families!!!

I don't so much mind doing it for my family (although I do mind, very much!) because at least they give us a few weeks notice, but DH's family have a habit of phoning us on Christmas Eve asking what the children want and "are we going out?" and can we "pick something up for" them and "drop it round"....

No! We're not going out. We plan so that we can spent Christmas Eve in on our own doing nice stuff and have an open house in the evening. but then we don't have a choice because otherwise our children would get no presents. In fact, the year before last, DH and I were very ill and couldn't go out so our DCs didn't get any family presents until the New Year. Fucking Shit!!

Dh was really this year because we dropped off the presents we'd spent the morning buying for our DD's from my mum at my mum's house and then in the afternoon her FB status was "Have done all my Christmas shopping. Feeling very pleased with myself" What made it worse was we still haven't done ours because we've spent all the time we have had to go Christmas shopping doing other people's. GRRRRR!!! And breathe...

SantaDesperatelySeeksSedatives · 13/12/2011 10:21

FolkGirl how ridiculous of your family to do things that way?!

I get inundated with texts/phonecalls/emails from family asking exactly what DC want while they sit poised on Amazon with their credit card at the ready but if they ever asked me to buy stuff for them I'd tell them to swivvle!

Apart from my very elderly gran who sends me a cheque in time to clear in time to get them something from her because "they're only wee, they need something to unwrap, not a boring old cheque!"

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 10:37

I know it is ridiculous, isn't it!

We have got some of our presents, but not all and we didn't enjoy the shopping trips because they're so rushed and then we have to contend with all the "what did you get for them from X?" from my mum in particular because she places value judgements on what we chose.

So for example, this year she is giving DS some clothes he really wants and DD some craft things. She's a bit catsbumface about the clothes because she thinks DS will think clothes are boring and also about the craft things, because they're not 'toys' in the traditional sense . Well if you're not happy, buy them your fecking self then!!!!

And to add insult to final injury, my mum won't even look after the children for a couple of hours so that we can get this shopping done. Argh!

I do love Christmas though! And I just tell myself that at least we know they are getting things they want!

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 10:39

My great aunt and grandma used to do the cheque thing. Now that I don't mind. That makes complete sense!

Every year DH says "we're not doing this again next year" but after the very Christmas of no presents (other than ours and I'm not joking I was livid!) because we were too ill to do their shopping for them, we've decided to just go along with it.

sb6699 · 13/12/2011 10:42

My mil rings me and tells me to get something from her for the 3 dcs and dh.

I then have to put up with daily phonecalls asking if I've bought anything yet and when I eventually get round to getting everything have to contend with snorts of disapproval because she doesn't like what I've chosen for them.

I probably wouldn't mind just doing the wrapping - at least she would have made some sort of effort.

4madboys · 13/12/2011 10:42

havent read the whole thread but no you are NOTbu, we have this issue as well and i have masses of presents needing wrapping, its not even as if our relatives wont see us, they are coming next week so could have got the stuff delivered to the, wrapped it and brought it over when they visit! but NO they ordered it to be delivered to us and now i have to do all the bloody wrapping! ds4 has been bought a massive cardoabrd rocket playhouse thing, it arrived yesterday nad is fecking huge!!

WhoopsyLa · 13/12/2011 10:44

YADNBU. It's lazy and presumptious....especially when a little bit extra will see Amazon do it for them!

sb6699 · 13/12/2011 10:45

Oh and because I'm not buying my own I invariably end up with ferrero roche and the cheapest nightie she can lay her hands on (think see-through peach t-shirt type with scarey teddies complete with 1.99 price tag still attached!)

AKMD · 13/12/2011 11:05

YANBU, 'tis lazy and presumptious. I would just give it to them in the box, no harm done.

at some of these - why are people doing everyone else's Christmas shopping?! Mad. I'd prefer no presents TBH.

AKMD · 13/12/2011 11:06

Oops, snap Whoopsyla!

mrsmellow · 13/12/2011 11:21

I now feel very bad - we are overseas and not seeing any family so are shopping online- we didn't just sit and click, we spent quite a long time researching and thinking and choosing. But £3/item on amazon does add up and other websites don't even offer this or the gift note. So yes, I feel bad, but posting from here is extortionate and unreliable. I would rather go shopping myself, wrap and give, but not an option. I would never do this if I was in the same country, promise!

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 11:26

AKMD I know, it's pathetic isn't it.

AKMD · 13/12/2011 11:52

Yes, stop it! Your DC won't die from present starvation :) I'd actually prefer it if DS only got the present DH and I bought him; there are a lot of children in our family and it gets expensive for everyone.

stealthsquiggle · 13/12/2011 11:59

I do this occasionally, when the cost of shipping it twice gets ludicrous, and SIL does it to me sometimes as well - I agree with the OP that I massively prefer to get a present delivered here and wrap it and post it if I can, but I would certainly prefer to spend an extra £3 on the present than on Amazon wrapping it - and I would rather others didn't waste their money on Amazon wrapping either, TBH.

This year, DN's presents are unwrapped and sitting looking at me now will be wrapped and posted to France today but DB and DSIL's will be delivered directly and unwrapped. Such is life.

birdsofshoreandsea · 13/12/2011 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

joshandjamie · 13/12/2011 13:05

Oh I'm so glad it's not just me that finds this annoying. And in comparison to FolkGirl's issue, I have it easy. And to be fair, many of my family are overseas and that's probably why they do it. But then again, they are overseas to me but I still wrap and send to them (even though the postage tends to cost more than the gifts!) It's the ones that are local ones that don't wrap who drive me nuts.

OP posts:

Bunbaker · 13/12/2011 13:15

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that YABU. My sister and I live 250 miles apart. The only practical way of getting presents to each other is by Amazon. To pay extra to gift wrap presents for 4 people would add a stupid amount to the cost. We budget £20 per person so it would mean that we would simply spend less on each other. As my sister also has to wrap presents it equals out between us.

Just leaving gifts in the box wouldn't work because you would get presents for the entire household in one box, and it may not be obvious which present is for whom.

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 13:50

AKMD It's too late for this year in the main... (although we still have the last minute Xmas eve phone call from BIL to anticipate!) but from now on, I think we are just going to say "No" and if DCs don't get presents from family, I won't be too upset. I think the part that bugs me the most is that it is every member of both of our families. Not all of them every year, but many of them every year and there is not one member that this hasn't included!! And these are all people who pride themselves on doing things 'properly'. Oh well.

You speak much truth, oh wise one!

Original poster

joshandjamie · 13/12/2011 14:05

FolkGirl - I assume they give you the money for these gifts? If not, I'd definitely stop. If they do, I'd spend a fortune and hand them the bill. They won't ask again

OP posts:

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 14:12

Ha good idea joshandjamie. Yep, my family give us the money up front, DH's family give it upon delivery of the purchase but we have a budget. If we get anything that falls outside of the budget (because we think the children would really like it) then we cover the extra.

We've always just assumed that it meant our children get something they like. I don't so much mind the advance warning shopping, it's the last minute Christmas Eve panic I can do without! Especially because if we can't get out on Christmas Eve then the children don't get a present and we are the ones who end up feeling guilty because they would have had a present if only we'd been prepared to fight our way around the shops and car parks...

I know, I know. Small fry in the grand scheme of things, but hey!

nikon1968 · 13/12/2011 20:13

I have just spent half a day spending £150 of other peoples money on DS.

I quite enjoyed it.

They send it to me I spend it on stuff I know he wants and likes, I am trying to look at it as fun rather than a chore]

nikon1968 · 13/12/2011 20:15

When people send money for his birthday I just give him the cards and money.

But christmas is about waking up and seeing shed loads of pressies..................and I cannot wait.

TroublesomeEx · 13/12/2011 20:25

@ nikon1968

Then you are a better mummy than me!

Although, ours do it because they've got "better things to do than traipse round the shops" and the requests come in dribs and drabs and also at the last minute.

So it isn't quite so easy to find the heart warming fuzziness of the Festive spirit.

nikon1968 · 14/12/2011 07:27

I understand a last minute request would be annoying and tiring if you have already finished.

We usually get most of the money two or three weeks before Christmas and I usually have things in mind for when it arrives.

I always have all my own Christmas shopping done before December begins so I then enjoy the build up to Christmas and then spending other peoples money.................

Merry Christmas to all.

Sirzy · 14/12/2011 07:31

I hate wrapping my own presents yet alone other people's!

I would go for the give them in the box option!

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