About my mum and christmas

[freakazoidroid]

I live 2 hours drive from my parents who are fit and active in their 60's.
For about the past 5 years mum has expected us to go down to them for boxing and day and stay over. My dc's are 12 and nearly 4.
This year my Dh has asked not to go mainly as he thinks it's unfair for the kids. My mum and I have a pretty crappy relationship anyway. She is not at all interested in her grandchildren.
I also have a 30 yr old brother who is going down on the 23rd and then going to stay with his girlfriend on boxing day.
I phoned her today and said we cannot come down on boxing day and could come this weekend OR I said they could come here. She got a bit funny and said she needed to check with dad.
Surely it would be lovely to come here and see her grandchildren with all there Xmas toys.
I have invited them over the years to nativities , sports days etc and they never come.
Am I being unreasonable to ask them to come here for a change?

No.
It's only fair for her to do it your way for a change.

YANBU.

YANBU as you well know

Yanbu - she should be delighted to have an invite

YANBU -but your parents are, unless there is a specific reason they cannot travel ie: health problems. Your parents are stuck in their ways and need to realise that you also would like to enjoy time in your home at Christmas. I know from my own situation how deep the hurt goes when Grandparents are not very interested in their Grandchildren. THEIR LOSS!

You've made your offer, leave it at that. Good luck :)

yanbu

or if it's just two hours meet in the middle for lunch, just an hours drive for both of you

set off at 11am, eat at noon, have a wander round nice place where restaurant is , bugger off home at 3pm or 4pm , comfort of your own home by 5pm

perfect

They actually have not stayed the night at my house for about 2 years.they made a fuss about having to sleep in our living room. Yet they manage to stay with my brother in his 1bed flat for 2 nights!

I know there excuse will be that my bro is going down to them for Xmas . But surely seeing my family would be lovely. So on Christmas day it will be just the 3 of them.

May I add that is also sleeping in his living room!

Also I hate having to wake up boxing day morn and get all the stuff ready for an overnight stay. It is so much easier for them to travel

Yanbu

stand your ground, you have offered and it is up to them to accept or decline!

And remember if they decline that is the end of the matter, you do not have to appease them, staying at home is their first choice, and you do not have to come up with a consolation prize!

Enjoy your at home christmas. x

I think that itsstartingtofeellikechristmas has a very good suggestion. It is a lot of extra work to get ready and make sure you've got everything for a long jouney and stayover but especially at Christmas. I know you are feeling torn about this but i think you need to please yourself this year at least. Have a family Christmas at home. Maybe chat to a therapist about the relationship with your Mother in the New Year? You deserve to be at peace with your decisions.

What more can you do? You've done all you can. Shameyour Mother cannot see what a loving Daughter she has. ((hugs))

Could they all join you for christmas? My siblings and parents come to us more than we go to them as with 3dc's it s a lot of work for one night where as an adult needs very little!

Thanks everyone I think my mother has a narcisstiv personality