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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bust a cake-related catsbumface?

28 replies

ViviPrudolf · 12/12/2011 12:18

Its my SiL's (SiL2) 40th on Saturday. My eldest SiL (SiL1) is hosting an evening meal at her house for SiL2 (they are sisters). Ages ago, I emailed SiL1 to ask if there was any way DP and I could contribute to the food/preparation to lighten her load. She gratefully replied asking if it would be ok if I made the birthday cake, which we could have as pudding. Great - I love baking birthday cakes so enthusiastically agreed and have spent a small fortune on ingredients and taken Friday afternoon off work to bake it.

I've just had an email from SiL3 (SiL through marriage - not a sister) saying that she is making the pudding for SiL 2's party, and asking my opinion on her choice of dish. I assume SiL3 has just asked SiL1 how she could contribute, and SiL1, not being particularly organised, has either forgotten I was making a cake, or has run out of tasks to hand out to willing helpers and thought it wouldn't hurt to double up on desert options, and told SiL3 to liaise with me over pudding.

Rather than get all angsty about my toes having been trodden on, I replied with positive encouragement at SiL3's choices of dish and added that SiL1 had asked me to bake the birthday cake, and perhaps we could have the cake with coffee or take slices away in doggy bags. I copied in SiL1. There was not a hint of subtext in my email.

I'm really trying to rise about any potential pettiness here, but I can't help but anticipate a bit of catsbumface on my part when everyone politely declines a slice of lovingly prepared birthday cake as they are so stuffed from SiL3's pudding. I'm outletting on MN at having to be adult IRL when really I want to stamp my foot and scowl that I'M supposed to be making the effing pudding Xmas Angry

AIBU to have a little catsbum to myself at the inevitable rejection of my cake? Or have I handled this all wrong? Preying LeQueen drops by to help me have a word with myself

OP posts:
VFVF · 12/12/2011 12:21

Catsbum all you like! This is what AIBU is for IMO!

P.S. If cake is being taken home then just think of the yummy noises people will make with their cup of tea and cake!

Pandemoniaa · 12/12/2011 12:23

Your cake will be a longer and happier memory. But feel free to be Chairman of the Feline Arsehole Club this morning. It is so restorative at times!

Original poster
ViviPrudolf · 12/12/2011 12:24

Arf Xmas Grin feeling better already, ladies

OP posts:
PerUnaBomber · 12/12/2011 12:56

OTOH, this could backfire on SIL3 as it did on my MIL this year. DP loves my Victoria Sponge and asked me to make one for his birthday lunch with family that we were having at MIL's. MIL laid on one of her 'puddings' as well as a nasty, dry, shop bought personalised icing-fest of a cake (despite being told by DP several times that I was doing the cake, but she has form for that sort of thing) - nobody wanted her cake, everyone had my cake as pudding once DP had set the lead by saying that was what he wanted and her blueberries with cream was also ignored. Catsbumface was on her!

I'd rather a slice of lovely cake over a trad 'pudding' any day. Can you see if SIL1 minds them being offered at the same time on the day, rather than having to wait until tea for the cake? Plus it's more likely that everyone would still be there if you did candles and cake earlier.

Rhubarbgarden · 12/12/2011 12:57

Well if I was there I would have no problem accommodating both pudding and cake! If it's a long drawn out meal it should be fine. But I'd make damn sure the cake is in evidence at the start of the meal not produced as a surprise at the end, so that everyone has the chance to save some space. Yanbu to make a catsbum face though. I would be.

Hotpotpie · 12/12/2011 13:02

Rhubarbgarden my thoughts exactly, Im a pregnant piggy Id easily eat both :)

Original poster
ViviPrudolf · 12/12/2011 13:07

Well PerUna, I wouldn't want that to happen as SiL3 is lovely (Luckily all my SiLs on DPs side are) although I'm fiercely competitive so couldn't help but enjoy a frisson were my cake favoured .

The thing is, its an adult, evening meal that, given previous form, won't get swinging 'till fairly late, so the chances of people being able to manage a slice of cake as well after a massive meal and pudding that late in the day are slim. Reading back, I did actually suggest in my email that perhaps we could have a slice of cake along with pudding or coffee or doggy bags...

SiL1 is pretty laid back and probably wouldn't give a fig when I offered the cake. I could be a massive ARSEHOLE and perform an elaborate cake reveal as the plates are being cleared from mains and SiL3 is out in the pantry busy dusting icing on the pavlova. But I'm far too nice for that

OP posts:
HeidiKat · 12/12/2011 13:12

I don't really see a problem tbh, the last couple of family birthdays when we have been out to restaurants for a meal people have ordered dessert as part of the meal with the cake to come after with tea and coffee. Birthday cake is as well as pudding not instead, everyone knows birthday cake is special and has no calories anyway Grin.

Original poster
ViviPrudolf · 12/12/2011 13:15

Rhubarb thinking about it, your scenario might be right. There will be 4 greedy pigs BiLs and my DP in attendance so I might actually be underestimating appetites.

SiL1 is probably posting in a parallel universe about how does she ensure there will be enough pudding for all the greedy men at her sister's 40th without offending cake-baking SiL4 who is really catsbummy...

OP posts:
Ihavewelliesbutitssunny · 12/12/2011 13:18

I really don't understand the issue Xmas Confused

Original poster
ViviPrudolf · 12/12/2011 13:24

OK, Ihavewellies, imagine you have spent a small fortune buying ingredients to bake a cake for a party, taken half a day off work for which you won't get paid as you are self-employed to bake said cake, only for it to be declined at the party as being the straw that might break the stuffed-persons waistband.

Fair enough, though. I can see how this might seem a non-issue to people who aren't as dictated to by their inner Monica Geller

OP posts:
JeremyVile · 12/12/2011 13:26

Vivi - you know this isnt a normal way of thinking, dont you?

The cake is not an extension of you, and the people attending the meal are there for your sil - you know, to celebrate her birthday?- its not a Come and Eat Vivi's Cake And Validate Vivi And Generally Obsess About Vivi Party.

Although that might be fun Grin

Maybe because I dont bake I am missing something massive, but its just a cake Confused People will either eat it r they wont but the point of it is that you have made it for sil? Which is Nice.

Original poster
ViviPrudolf · 12/12/2011 13:31

its not a Come and Eat Vivi's Cake And Validate Vivi And Generally Obsess About Vivi Party.

Its not ?! I'm going to have to seriously rethink my attendance then Xmas Shock

Seriously though, JV, thanks, I needed that.

OP posts:
wahwahwah · 12/12/2011 13:36

So when she brings in the desert, sneeze all over it, do a wet snort and ask 'anyone for birthday cake.'

Rhubarbgarden · 12/12/2011 13:39

Hotpot my excuse exactly Grin.

Mishy1234 · 12/12/2011 13:39

Just make sure your cake is an absolute show stopper. That way you will trump SIL3's pudding off the table and all people will be talking about is your cake! Bringing the cake out is the highlight of a party.

Just sure your cake appears in good time. I made a lovely Christening cake for DS1 and everything overran, so I never got the chance to bring it out. I sent it on to people, but it wasn't the same.

Ihavewelliesbutitssunny · 12/12/2011 13:40

But it hasn't been rejected yet has it. And everyone involved seems lovely so I don't really see why its such a big issue. Its quite normal to have more than one pudding at a party esp if one is a birthday cake.

Original poster
ViviPrudolf · 12/12/2011 13:44

No, Wellies, I guess you're right.

Xmas Sad

Impressed at the vehemence of wahwah & Mishy though! God forbid I ever end up in a pudding-off with you ladies!!

OP posts:
Dozer · 12/12/2011 13:50

Think you're going a bit OTT to take half day and lose pay, if you're good at baking just do something super-quick and cheaper one evening, work the half day and use the swanky ingredients to make a cake for yourself and whoever. Yum!

Original poster
ViviPrudolf · 12/12/2011 13:57

I don't have one evening really. I work till 8 most days and am too knackered after that to do anything other than pass out in front of Masterchef. Anyway I really wanted to go to big efforts to make a fabulous cake for SiL2 as she is great and deserves a massive treat. But JV's right. I'm probably just making this more about me.

OP posts:
TheScarlettPimpernel · 12/12/2011 13:58

Fret not, my baking compadre.

I had this precise situation at the weekend. I had baked three - THREE! - cakes for a party, then arrived only to discover someone had brought puddings too.

'Twas not a problem. People are enthusiastic about cakes. 2 helpings of pudding were enjoyed by all, then not 20 minutes later they all went to town on the cake too.

It'll be fine

Original poster
ViviPrudolf · 12/12/2011 14:03

Yay, thanks Scarlett Your tale of unbounded cake enthusiasm fills me with optimism. Hurrah.

OP posts:
Merrylegs · 12/12/2011 14:06

I too don't get the problem? It's a birthday. There has to be a birthday cake at a birthday no matter how many other puddings there are. Tis the rule. You can't stick 40 candles on a pavlova.

NeuromanticisedVisionsofXmas · 12/12/2011 14:08

I'd just bring the cake out before dinner.

Top Trump that SIL's!

Xmas Grin
MerylStrop · 12/12/2011 14:14

Hell yeah, cake with candles
Totally necessary...it's what makes it a birthday party rather than just dinner
And if all goes to plan and people drink a lot and carry on after the food they will fall on it like manna from heaven by 3am
And more restrained types can take some wrapped in a napkin
And dsil can live on it for a couple of days after.
It will be brill