to wish dh would adapt to my changing work patterns.

[nottingham78]

I have 2 dc. year 1 and year 2. When dd started reception I made a decision to increase the amout of hours I work. Do party plan. Previously I probably only did maybe 4 hours a week. As business has grown I am regularly finding myself doing 20 hour weeks. Although some weeks it's nearer 10.
In addition to this I do:-
All the housework
98% cooking
All the laundry and ironing (for me dh and dc)
All the runnig around sorting our car servicing etc.
This continues into weekends and school holiday when I also have dc to care for and entertain. Obv dh does help at weekends with entertaining dc but not much else.
I try to do most of my work when dc are at school and rarely call upon dh to look after our children. However, when he does he does bare minimun.
For example this weekend I was out all day and he took them out for an early dinner. I than came home and had to cook for myself.
I have been thinking about maybe retraining and becoming a classroom assistant but I fear I will still end up ding lion's share of work in the home.
Or, it it the same for most working/sahp?

I think YAB a bit U - you work 10-20 hours a week and have a lot more free time than him to do cleaning etc. Even at the upper limit of 20 hours a week, that's half the hours your DH works. He has only the weekend to see the DCs, and he looks after them while you get some of the other stuff done or go out for the day. It all sounds pretty reasonable to me, but maybe I'm missing something?

Should have said helps out with entertaining dc when there. Also plays/watches footlball so out equiv of 1 day every 2 weeks at weekends.

YANBU. If all he does is entertain the DC a bit at the weekends, then that isn't enough.

Since your hours are lower than his, then yes it's fair that he does less of the DC/house related work, but not that much less.

Have you spoken to him about this? If so then what does he say?

I think you need to discuss the division of labour.
I have to admit that it seems to me that during the week, you could manage the party planning, plus stay on top of the housework (if DC are out at school all day it won't be that onerous) and cook etc (unless DH is regularly home in time to do this in which case it could be shared).

Then at the weekend other than meals and the odd bit of tidying there really isn't much to do? I do think DH should perhaps cook one meal at the weekend.

I wouldn't expect my DH to cook for me if I'd been out all day and he and the DC had been out for dinner.

Playing/watching football doesn't take all day surely? And if only once a fortnight does not seem unreasonable.

Watching means out from 11 till 6 approx with travel. Playing is less onorous.

For example this weekend I was out all day and he took them out for an early dinner. I than came home and had to cook for myself.

i don't get what you're upset about ?

did you want him to cook you dinner?

I'd have just been happy they'd had a nice time and didn't need feeding when I got in from work

I work Sundays 10-4pm, my dh cooks and feeds kids at lunchtime so when I get in I just eat what I fancy, I love it

Not saying I expected a meal on the table when I got home. Just a little dissappointed it didn't occur to him to at least put the oven on. He knew I had a joint I wanted to cook that evening.
Wanted to serve cold next day too as about to go out of date.
Not discussed it so far as a bit concerned I might be being unreasonable. He does have a fairly long commute too. So his 40 hour week is probably more like 50 with commute.
My commute varies alot but is not normally as much.
Perhaps I need to sit down and work out exactly what hours I do. I have no idea how long housework takes but it seems neverending. Dc and dp are not tidy people to say the least. Supermarket shop takes best part of 2 hours with travel. Childcare/ entertaining/ homework./ after school clubs/ getting ready for school/bedtime etc maybe 6 hours a day on average.
I do , however know things must change if I do start working whilst dc are at school.

An easier way to work out what hours you each do, is to do it in reverse - i.e. what hours do you each spend doing what you fancy rather than things that have to be done.

So for example how long do each of you spend doing hobbies (incl travel)? sitting in front of the TV/reading a book? does one of you have lie ins and the other not? etc. if you find there is a big imbalance then that probably is your answer...