to tell a friend...

[TheElvesSawBatgirlKissingSanta]

...all the bad stuff I have heard about her chosen primary school?

She's not what I would call a close friend, but a good friend. Ds's go to the same nursery. She was going to send her ds to the same one as my ds, but then changed her mind and decided to go with this one. I have heard nothing good about this school, one fellow mum who's ds is also starting school this year is not sending him there even though her dd currently goes there. (shes leaving next year.)

We did discuss this briefly before we had both decided on the schools, but since she has set on this one I dont feel like I can say anything!

So... do I tell her what ive heard? (At the risk of sounding like a bitch) ...or do I keep quiet?

(Sorry bit of a ramble!)

different people look for different things in schools. I wouldn't touch an aquaintance's first choice with a barge pole and she would rather home school than go for my second AND third choices.

her reasons: She thinks the parents at my choices look rough and she thinks that = rough kids and cr@p teachers

my reasons: despite her 1st choice being surrounded by boden at home time, its actually a crap school if you look into the teaching and aspirations and pastoral care. I'ld rather a good mixed school regardless of what some of the parents look like.

no, just keep quiet.
she clearly has her reasons for choosing it, esp given that she changed her mind over which one to send her child to.
i am pretty sure that she will have heard any bad stuff going around, but she obviously feels it's the right place for her child

Keep quiet! I often come across this problem, particulary havein insider knowledge of schools, I've come to the conclusion it is best not to interfrere. The experience achild has at aschill depends largly on who he or she ends up sitting with, and you have no way of knowing if that will work well or not, imagine adviseing someone to move schools, and then they find they are sitting next to someone who make sthere life a misery :(. YO would feel responsible. Everyone has their own personal exxperience of schoools, you can't realy fortell what it will be, and the mother would have had her reasons for her choice.

no its none of your buisness.
choice of schools is personal to the parent/child

Thats what I though to! Just wondered what you fellow mnetters think!

My PFB started school this term, in a town new to us as a family (not me, it's my hometown) When I visited I thought it was delightful, calm, friendly, nice atmosphere and chose it over the more popular 'outstanding' school. In the run-up to his starting date I heard so many bad things about it, from "the Year 6 teacher is really sarcastic and cruel." "There is endemic bullying throughout." "The Head ruins their homework." So much so that if I was a more sensitive person I would have been a gibbering wreck.
You know what, he is incredibly happy, his teacher, TA and Head are great and he is achieving well. And I make a point of saying that to everyone I meet that slags it off.

I've given up on recommendations/rumour for these things and now just go by my own first hand info and gut feeling

chose first CM based on a recommendation from a friend who thought she was the best CM in the world ever, I ended up moving DS because she was awful

then when looking for nurseries my antenatal group felt very differently about the same nurseries.

So with schools my eye's glaze over when other people tell me what they've heard, and I go and findo out the facts for myself - causes a lot less tension between me and other mums too if I'm not getting to involved in the conversation

Assume that she is intelligent enough, and cares about her DC enough to have done some research and that she has her reasons for choosing a particular school. If it all goes pear shaped, you can help her and be supportive and be there and all that, but for now, if you say anything, it will sound like you think she has bad judgement.

You could ask her what made her choose that particular school & fluff it out with h you chose your school.

I'd tell her if it's factual stuff you know (like the head's just left, or been sacked or something) but not if it's just heresay that other parents don't like the school, as everyone's got different views on schools and it will depend on the child, the year group, the teacher, etc the experience her DC will have of it.