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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about dogs in the car? Or is my mother....

53 replies

AnnieLobeseder · 11/12/2011 18:42

... being a little strange?

We've going up North to visit family for Christmas, a few hours' drive. We're bringing our two dogs with us, but they'll be boarding with a family nearby and not actually staying with us as family aren't keen on dogs. But they live in such gorgeous countryside that we're sorry the dogs aren't there to come with us on walks, so we decided to board them near us rather than somewhere near home this year.

So my mother called the other day and told me that we can't possibly bring the dogs with us. Somewhat puzzled, since they won't be anywhere near her, I asked her why. She said, "it's a 4 hour drive!".

"Um, yes?" says I, still confused. "They're okay on long drives."

"But the smell!!", she says.

"Pardon?"

"You might not realise it, but your dogs smell!"

"Yes, that's understandable. But I still don't see the problem."

"It's like smokers, the dog smell will get all in your clothes and the presents, and you can't expect everyone else to put up with your dog smell over Christmas!!", wails my dear old mum.

Hmm, go I. "Well, we'll make sure we give them a good bath before we leave," I say, while quietly wondering if poor old mum has finally lost it.

"I don't think you're taking me seriously! It's just too selfish of you!!"

I point out that smoke is slightly more pervasive than dog, you can't generally smell a dog owner just by walking past them, and that with only 2 weeks to go before Christmas we stand a snowballs's chance in hell of finding alternative accommodation for them anyway.

So, is my mum barking (hee hee, see what I did there?) or AIBU to ruin Christmas by turning up reeking of Eau de chien? Do dog owners smell after car trips with their dogs?

OP posts:
Original poster
AnnieLobeseder · 11/12/2011 22:27

Oooh, JustRedbin, are you being Northist?

She actually lives in Oxford, but we're going up to family in the Northern Village where she grew up, so the North is still in her, as much as she may deny it (think Hyacinth Bucket).

OP posts:
Xmasbaby11 · 11/12/2011 22:29

You sound very considerate and YANBU. Your mother is being very over sensitive. I don't like doggy smells either but I have NEVER noticed a dog owner smelling. You would be very kind to offer to shower and change clothes when you arrive, and that's about all you can say.

JustRedbin · 11/12/2011 22:30

Oxford is up North. So is anywhere else the other side of the Solent!

thebigkahuna · 11/12/2011 22:32

If my mother told me I was selfish for this I wouldn't bother going, I really wouldn't.

She sounds horrible and controlling.

aurynne · 11/12/2011 22:49

Your mom is being bonkers. I'd be tempted to fob her off with a simple "you're just being ridiculous" and forget the comment.

Even with the people who never ever bathe their dogs and keep them inside all the time, I have never been able to smell the dogs on the actual people or things they bring with them.

By your mom's logic, mums with babies should stay home too, because they may bring with them the smell of their babies' poo, which is way worse than a dog's own smell.

sitandnatter · 12/12/2011 00:12

Go to your pet shop get a doggie deodrant, the dogs will smell delightful car or no car and it's problem solved.

silverten · 12/12/2011 08:38

I think your mum is being a tad unreasonable.

However, I would say that whenever we go to see my parents, who have a single overweight Labrador, we always wear dirty clothes: you know, the ones which only have a single day's wear left in them before needing a wash. We do this because we know that we will be stinking of the hound when we leave (we don't play with it or touch it or anything, but we do find it necessary to sit on the furniture!), and the first thing that we do when getting home is change clothes and chuck everything in the washing machine. It's really horrible.

Therefore I suppose it is possible that if your house/car is as 'doggy' as my parents' house, you might end up bringing the smell with you.

LetmethinkNO · 12/12/2011 08:48

She's BU and it soundsa as if you're bending over backwards to be thoughtful guests.

clam · 12/12/2011 08:58

See, most of that conversation you had I could laugh off. Until she got to the bit where she said it was selfish of you. That would seriously piss me off. She is being unreasonable, you were making concessions to accommodate her ridiculous demands and yet you still get accused of being selfish.
Families, eh?

oopslateagain · 12/12/2011 10:43

I can sort of understand it, as I'm allergic to dogs and if I'm sat next to someone on a train or bus and start sniffling I ask if they've got a dog and get a Confused "er... yes". But I have friends with dogs, and would never DREAM of telling them they couldn't come to my house because of the smell - because there isn't a smell! Yes you can sometimes smell 'doggy' smell on their coats, but that's about it - there's not a miasma of dog around them.

She is, indeed, barking. Xmas Grin

cambridgetinsellyferret · 12/12/2011 13:10

My mum in my car smells more than any dog ever could. Comes from half a century's fag smoking. Xmas Smile

5Foot5 · 12/12/2011 13:33

So you are not going up to stay with your Mum then? So what on earth has it got to do with her?

Have your Aunt and Uncle said anything? Do they know what arrangements you have made?

If so and they are fine with it then WTF has it got to do with your Mum?

Original poster
AnnieLobeseder · 13/12/2011 18:41

No, not staying with my mum, we're all going to my aunt and uncle's. To be honest it didn't occur to me to let them know about the arrangements because the dogs won't be in their house! Why should they care if my dogs are 500 feet or 500 miles away as long as they're not in their house. Though I'm sure my mum has told them. Perhaps I should send a quick email....

My mum said last night she woke up at 4am in a sweat worrying about one of the dogs escaping from the car at the motorway services and causing a big crash.

I am really and truly starting to worry about her mental health. Sad

OP posts:
NorkyPiesWithJingleBellsOn · 13/12/2011 21:04

My sister has this sort of irrational attitude to my pets - imagining all sorts of far-fetched scenarios (including my becoming an Animal Rights violent activist!). Apart from the suggestion of paranoia, I wonder if it is a manifestation of jealousy (she wants me to accompany her on holidays, and I don't want to go with her can't because of the animals).

Rhinestone · 13/12/2011 21:53

She does actually sound quite irrational and not in an amusing way. Do you need to start asking yourself whether she's ok? Could you have a chat to your aunt and uncle to see if they've noticed anything strange about her behaviour?

And no, YANBU, stick to your guns. Whatever the reason, she is being completely unreasonable and it's nothing to do with her.

hickerybobp · 14/12/2011 08:09

YANBU. You can buy doggy deodorant if that might help? you spray it on and it does help if the dogs smell a bit.... On a side note, a fair few years ago I found out my ex has been using it on himself when he ran out of roll on.... Xmas Confused

echt · 14/12/2011 08:57

I noticed this thread because the OP used the apostrophe after hours' drive. So few do this. How nice.

Oh, YANBU, and I'm paranoid about dog smells, as my dog would testify.:o

MollyTheMole · 14/12/2011 09:48

YANBU who gives a fart if the dogs reek anyway? Your dogs, your car, your decision. And yes there is zero chance of getting alternative care for them now anyway, not that you even need to

Your mum is being like one of those delicate flowers who claim they get asthma attacks from an unlit cigarette Hmm

And no, doggie smell isnt that strong even if you have been in an enclosed space with them. It might linger for a bit but doesnt stick to you. Quick squirt of Old Spice for your H and L'aiment for you and you'll be reet.

MollyTheMole · 14/12/2011 09:52

I love the smell of my dog, so comforting.....

letmehelp · 14/12/2011 10:12

My friend has a dog, her car and house stink - really they do. My friend is lovely, but getting in her car is not pleasant (and that's when the dog's not there)

However, my friend does not smell Smile so your mother IBU to think that being in the car with dogs will make the presents etc smell.

I suspect that the issue has more to do with the dogs being close over Christmas and you therefore spending time with them. Will you be expecting your mother and other family members to also spend time with the dogs? Is it possible that your Aunt has expressed concern and this is your mother's way of persuading you not to bring them.

I really don't like dogs (nothing against them, just don't want them near me) The thought of having to spend time with them over Christmas would play on my mind (although I'd try to be polite!)

Oggy · 14/12/2011 10:16

She is being unreasomable but she is also right.

I have a friend with several dogs and her car and house stink of dog, BUT, you can also smell dog on her a bit when you stand or sit close to her.

It doesn't really bother me, it isn't anything like as strong as in th ecar or the house, but it is possible so your mum is not necessarilly making it up to be difficult.

That said, she is being selfish about it.

Oggy · 14/12/2011 10:19

Sorry I should have said she MAY be right. I have no idea whether you have a slight smell of your dogs about you. Just pointing out that it is possible.

TrinaLuciusMalfoy · 14/12/2011 10:22

I think your mum's lost it. Give your dogs a GREAT BIG HUG goodbye when you drop them off Xmas Wink

Original poster
AnnieLobeseder · 14/12/2011 12:15

I tried to call my aunt and uncle last night but they weren't in. I'll try again today. But the plan is mostly to leave the dogs with at the boarding house - after all, that's what I'm paying them for!! But I'm hoping to get a couple of walks in with them. Nothing that will detract from Christmas or bring the dogs near anyone who doesn't want to see them.

Poor old mum. I think I'll need to keep a closer eye on her. DH has a theory that her subconscious is focussing on the dogs to distract her from my brother, who has just lost his job.

OP posts:
letmehelp · 14/12/2011 12:21

Annie - gosh I know this doesn't paint me in a good light, but I am just like your mother. Will find something to worry about to avoid the real worries Smile