Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be considering university as a 30 year old lone parent?

63 replies

GoodWitchHunting · 11/12/2011 18:12

Is it crazy?

I'm worried the kids will suffer because I selfishly want a career.

They will be 11 and 3 when the course starts.

OP posts:
BarkisIsWillin · 11/12/2011 19:01

Go for it - the time will fly and if you don't do it you'll find yourself in 2 years saying 'If I had started in 2012 I'd have 2 years done by now'. It does help to have support with childcare though. I completed a degree by distance education while working ft, and it involved a number of Saturday tutorials which dh was around for. He was also great for taking them off for the day while I completed assignments. Luckily mn wasn't around then so I didn't spend the time needlessy surfing

MissMogwi · 11/12/2011 19:02

I'm a LP in my thirties, in my second year and it really is the Best Thing I've Ever Done.

It is a juggling act with the kids sometimes, but it's manageable.

Good luck! Smile

GoodWitchHunting · 11/12/2011 19:04

So, now I need top tips for being organised and coping with the workload?

OP posts:
BarkisIsWillin · 11/12/2011 19:10

Look at how you spend time at the moment and figure out what you can and can't live without. Eg if you spend a lot of time watching TV, start cutting out certain programmes. If it needs it, declutter your house and create a study area, so when you have an opportunity to get in a bit of study you won't have an excuse not to do it. Start browsing the net and start a bit of study related reading.

MissMogwi · 11/12/2011 19:10

I do my reading and coursework when the kids are in school, bed or at their dads.
I set aside certain amounts of time to work, then stop and have a break or Mumsnet housework. I get more done that way than slogging away for hours.

Once you get in the swing of it you will manage the workload, no problem.

Tortu · 11/12/2011 19:12

Hey, it'll actually be good for your kids as you will be acting as a role model studying!

champagnevanity · 11/12/2011 19:12

I'm on a sandwhich year, doing a year out working in the industry. I've just had a baby, and am going back to work in the new year. I would never, ever have dreamed of not going back, or dropping out of uni. It really is the best thing, after all your not just doing it for yourself, its your childrens future.

IMO, you actually arn't in uni that many days a week, I know it depends on course ect, but the majority arn't full time.

Just one thing to warn you about, Student finance are BASTARDS. That will probably be the most difficult part!

But good luck, pm if you need any advice/help!

mockingjay · 11/12/2011 19:14

Work out when your most efficient time of the day is, and try to organise it so you can do your work then. For me 1 hr in the morning = 6+ hrs at night!

Will you be catching the bus? If so, keep a little exercise book with your lecture notes. Every bus journey (x2 daily), read the little book from cover to cover. by the time exams roll around, you will know it inside out with no further revision. I used to pick 1 course every semester to keep the notebook for. Usually the one with the most inconveniently timed exam. Really cut down on stress levels.

If you are easily distracted, find a place without the distractions to write your essays etc. E.g. library, bookshop.

Set up a quiet place in your house with no distractions (block mumsnet on the computer there if you have to!). You need a desk and your course books close by.

mockingjay · 11/12/2011 19:17

Oh, and get one of those big wall planners on your wall. At the start of every semester, write on it when each assignment/test/exam is due for every course you're taking. Also put on important dates for your children - school holidays, parents evening etc. Then you can see at a glance times with clusters of things being due, and try manage your time beforehand to reduce the stress.

SayYuleNowSayWhipTheReindeer · 11/12/2011 19:19

Go for it. I just started my degree this year with a 1 year old DD. It is bloody hard work, and I have a job as well, but I do think it will be worth it.

You have to be VERY self disciplined and not spend all your time on MN. When you get home in the evenings and the kids are in bed, DON'T just collapse and drink wine like I'm doing but crack on with some work. Or get up an hour earlier.

And apply for all the support you can get as early as you can. It's NOT living off the taxpayers - Student loans have to be paid back, and grants come out of the education fund -it's what it's there for! Well done you for having a dream and a goal and being brave enough to do it. Wish you the best of luck. PM me if you want any help or advice.

DodieSmith · 11/12/2011 19:23

I once read a report looking at people's reasons for not staying on a particular course, and single parents were one of the least likely to drop out becaulse they'd thought through the implications and sorted everything out re childcare beforehand. Whereas married women were most likely to drop out once they realised they had less support than they thought they had.

StewieGriffinsMom · 11/12/2011 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarkisIsWillin · 11/12/2011 19:34

Btw your kids will not suffer - they will be incredibly proud of you on graduation day!

GoodWitchHunting · 11/12/2011 19:53

:) thanks so much everyone. I'm feeling so much more positive about it now. Will look into the logistics this week at the tour but if I get offered a place, I'm going to take it !

OP posts:
soandsosmummy · 11/12/2011 19:59

go for it. My dad left my mum with 3 under 5s and as soon as she got my little sister into school she got herself into university, put her head down and got herself a career. Nothing selfish about it she did it for us so we could have a better life. My mum is a fantastic woman.

Good luck to you

DonInKillerHeels · 11/12/2011 20:00

"So the tax payer will support you while you retrain?"

You don't seem to be quite up with the news JAMW: the lovely government have taken away all tax-payers' support from all university subjects apart from sciences. So she will be forking out her own money or getting a loan which she will have to repay.

Go for it OP and ignore the snipers.

soandsosmummy · 11/12/2011 20:00

oh and yes I was so proud of my mum when i went to her graduation She got a distinction and deserved it so much as she worked so hard

StewieGriffinsMom · 11/12/2011 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ringo81 · 11/12/2011 20:13

I'm 30 and I'm going back to college next sept to do an access course then uni the following sept. I've already got a degree but have still managed to find myself in a dead end job with no prospects so the only way out is to retrain. If it's something you really want to do then go for it, who care's if the tax payer's are paying for it, they'll get it back once you're qualified!!! The way I see it before I had kids I paid thousands in tax so it's time to get some of it back!!!!!

YonderRevoltingPeasantWhoIsHe · 11/12/2011 20:13

Good for you OP :) I work at a university with plenty of mature students and would echo the advice of many others about carving out specific study time for yourself.

What you should check out on the open day -

-What kind of specific support do they have for mature students - i.e., do they have a dedicated mature student rep? Can you use the campus nursery for the 3yo? My uni would let you do both those things, but not all do.

-How far in advance do they tell you about class schedules? Technically f/t students should be available Mon-Fri, 9-5, but real life might not work like that for you. Plus schedules change semesterly, so whereas you might have a 9 am session every Tuesday your first term, next term it might be completely different. How will this work with your childcare? Will they be flexible about putting you in a different group if one won't work out for you?

-What kind of 'flexible learning' facilities and/or online resources do they have, as these are often a godsend for students with children? I.e. our campus library is open 24/7 now so a LP has much more flexibility about studying in the evenings, say. We are just starting up with electronic submission of essays so you don't have to plan a special trip in - this has been a problem in the past for my mature studs, who have to get a neighbour to watch the kids or whatever just so they can hand coursework in. We also have many books online and other library facilities so you can more easily study from home.

-How many hours per week do they expect you to study per module? I.e., our students only have c. 9 hours per week contact time, which sounds a doddle - till you realise the amount of reading and written work they have to do equates to approx 45 hours per week!! So check that out, otherwise you will be megastressed. Make sure you actually have that amount of time available in your week.

-Also, will you have a personal or pastoral tutor to talk to if you have problems? Some universities are more 'with it' on this score than others. Personally I have a couple of mature studs who come to me regularly to get support as they feel a little more unmoored having come back to education. This can be a lifeline.

  • Finally, will those around you support you? One of the biggest gripes of my women mat studs with DC is that neighbours/ friends/ family etc don't really 'get' the amount of effort a degree takes and will take the mickey asking them to 'just come out tonight' or expecting them to babysit at short notice if they are home studying, etc. Be clear that work time is work time and you can't combine it with tidying the house, minding the NDN's 6mo, etc. Make sure others around you don't regard it as a 'free' time.

hth - good luck and do pm me if you have any questions :) hope you go for it; mature students are a godsend in general as they work so hard and really are dedicated. Your future tutors will be lucky to have you, I'm sure.

Selks · 11/12/2011 20:24

Goodwitch, my tips to you for successful studying with a family:

  • Claim a space where you can have your study materials, books and papers etc out without having to pack them away each day. I put a desk in my bedroom and nobody was allowed to touch what was on there - it really helped.
  • When you get given your essay titles start thinking and reading around the subject straight away. Be aware that some popular titles of books get booked out of the Uni library very fast so be quick to get your hands on the books that you need. Make the most of online research journals too.
  • Educate your children so that they know what you are doing is important. This will help them be thoughtful of when you are studying, (and also gives them an important message about the value of studying)
  • How you structure your time is up to you. You might be able to do a couple of hours when the children are in bed or if they are off doing something at the weekend. Be aware that studying will eat up most of your spare time a lot of the time, but that's just how it is.
  • lastly - enjoy it. It can be a wonderful thing to be learning and stretching the brain. I really really enjoyed it.
Good luck!
splashymcsplash · 11/12/2011 20:29

I'm a single parent and a student too :) I would say go for it!

I'm studying medicine, which is pretty intense but is manageable at the moment. I really love the course and am enjoying have a life apart from just being mummy!

Do you have family/friend support nearby? There are times when it will really help.

What course are you planning on studying? In this current climate I would be especially careful to choose something with good employment prospects at the end.

GoodWitchHunting · 11/12/2011 20:54

Wow - had an amazing response and I'm so pleased I posted It's given real boost :)

Yonder - that was a great list, I've noted the questions down to check at the open day I really appreciate you taking the time to post them:)

soandsos I really hope my DC will say that they are proud of me too Blush

selks Fab tips The 'touch nothing on my desk' rule will be set in place as my DD is terrible for borrowing pens and paper etc

Thanks peachy and meglet and missmowgli for your advice and encouragement :)

You may regret telling me that wantstosleep - I'll be hounding you come september!

Mockingjay Fantastic tip about looking at it in smaller chunks Task one 'get on the course' seems much less daunting then 'do a degree' :)

Eeeek stewiegrffinsmom one major educational commitment at a time please :)

OP posts:
GoodWitchHunting · 11/12/2011 20:57

And much thanks to everyone else I'm finally on the laptop so apologies for short replies earlier My phone is not all that user friendly.

OP posts:
Haziedoll · 11/12/2011 21:00

JAMW. Please explain your reasoning behind your comments.