smelt alcohol on my his breath when he came to pick up our son

[loulabella81]

My one year olds father is a great dad, very attentive and wants to spend as much time with his son as possible. We havent been together since our child was about 2 months old. I ended things because I didnt feel the same about him anymore and he always used to fib about the silliest things, which led to me not trusting him. He has had alcohol problems in the past and gave up drinking when we were together. He now goes out drinking from time to time with his mates but says its under control now. something I believed until yesterday. He came to pick up our son yesterday and I smelt beer on his breath. He said he had one beer the night before at home and that was probably why. However I could tell by the way he was acting that he was lying. My issues- one he was driving my son to his house that day, two im worried he has a drinking problem and three he lies to me which worries me in terms of my son. advice please. x

Does he have to drive? Or is he walking distance? What dies he do with the baby? Visit family, friends, hangout at home, take him to the pub?

I honestly believe he would never drink around our son, and his family would not approve if he did. He takes him to his mums, to the park, to town. I dont think he would risk taking into a pub, even in the daytime as he knows if I found out (from someone spotting him) that I would have a massive problem with it. As far as telling his family thats difficult but I do feel everyone should be aware. he always says he was never an alcoholic, he just had a drinking problem....seems the same thing to me. I have only in the past two months trusted him to drive with our son, he isnt within walking distance but for 8 months of our sons life I would drop him off and pick him up.

I have told him if I ever smell alcohol on his breath again, he will be asked to leave. I have also said how unexceptable his behaviour is and that he has a problem and needs to admit it and get help. No response as of yet. Its so hard being a single mum especially when your childs father is untrustworthy. I just had no idea how hard this would be. But I will protect my little man at any cost. He is my heart, my love and my life. Nothing else is as important.

Hi Loula, just caught up with the thread. You're right, a person with a drinking problem is an alcoholic. The disease is progressive and although some people thankfully can hold themselves away from the later stages, the risk is always there. I hope and pray your ex turns out to be one of them. It's very positive that he has in the past admitted that he's got a problem.
Do you think his mum would go ballistic with you if you told her some of the stuff you've shared with us? Don't want to advise you to do something that might ruin your relationship with your son's grandmother.
I think you've said the right things to him. Whether he's actually listened or not is another matter...

" he always says he was never an alcoholic, he just had a drinking problem....seems the same thing to me"

err yes.
the same thing.
he admitting he has a problem.

Can't you get home breath tests? I know they're not 100% accurate but will give you a good indication of his lies.

If he's a history of drinking and of lying then YANBU to TELL him that he cannot take your son until he's blown into the device... he won't like it, but its not worth the risk.