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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think that there's nothing I can do re stolen jewellery ....

50 replies

Duritzfan · 10/12/2011 18:34

as the title says, I feel as though there's nothing I can do ... We have had a cleaner in our home, and I have just discovered that my jewellery has been being slwoly cleared out over the last few months probably... The only person apart from me, dh and the kids who has access unaccompanied to our bedroom is the cleaner..but she seems SO nice.....
I have no proof obviously...otherwise i'd go STRAIGHT to the Police ...

Any idea if there is anything I can do ?
I'm gutted , we have added up the cost to replace and we are at 2,500 already ........

OP posts:

troisgarcons · 10/12/2011 22:36

You are avoiding the DCS - how old are they? more importantly how old are their mates?

letmehelp · 10/12/2011 22:41

Have I misunderstood something? You noticed 2 items missing first and them all the others when you checked, but how do you know they weren't all taken at once?

We were burgled a while ago, no damage done and nothing obviously disturbed - just DH couldn't find his phone, which we assumed he'd misplaced. Then I discovered my purse was empty, then when DH went to "lend" me some cash his wallet was too etc.

Original poster

Duritzfan · 11/12/2011 10:11

letmehelp Because I have worn odd items over the last few months .. For example I wore two of them when we went away for a weekend, so they were still there in October, early November I wore a different one and so I know that some of them were there until recently ..make sense ?

Son is 15, but onlynever has one friend here who is straight as a die - have known him for ten years and is a lovely lad.. Daughter 11, often has one particular girl here, but again, we know them really well ..I really don't suspect my children - not being naive but just don't think they would - no angels certainly but not stealing - DS is autistic (hfa) and so very black and White about stuff - itshard for him to lie to say the least... And dd is a little geek bless her

OP posts:

SockMunkee · 11/12/2011 10:16

We have just discovered all of my mum's jewellery has been stolen, only people that could have done it is her carers. We rang the police and there is not a lot they can do.
Sickening

Original poster

Duritzfan · 11/12/2011 11:18

Oh sockmunkee I'm sorry .. it's horrible isn't it , can you claim on insurance ?

OP posts:

SDon · 28/12/2011 00:05

Hi I have just read what happened to you. I would def not bother calling the police, I had painters in my house on 10th of December, they were Romanian they broke into my bedroom and stole upwards of 10000 worth of jewelry, everything I ever had, including baby stuff belonging to my daughter, the police had two of them on my drive the very evening it happened, they were arrested and let go the next day, its madness, I feel so let down, they left paint all over my room, on my clothes, just about everywhere, my stuff is prob long gone now, they took cash 1500 which I really don't care about, but everything I ever owned, I am not insured and even if I was I can never replace what they took, I have had the most dreadful christmas, I cant eat, sleep, actually I am falling apart, I feel so helpless and I blame the police for not doing their job, actually when 2 of them were arrested they had a girl with them who advertises on the internet offering cleaning services! I feel as if half my life has been taken form me, over 50 items spanning my entire life every item representing a special time in my life and there is nowhere to go for help, especially not the police, your best chance is a cameral and catch her before she gets the opportunity to hurt anyone else. Sorry its so long.

PigletJohn · 28/12/2011 00:51

£10,000 of jewellery, £1,500 cash, no insurance

roses2 · 28/12/2011 09:14

Does insurance cover you if you allow them into your home and they didn't break in?

catsareevil · 28/12/2011 09:32

How do you know that they were not all stolen at the same time after the event in November?

Acekicker · 28/12/2011 10:16

I think you have to report it to the police in the first instance; laws around recording in the home are complex and you don't want to find yourself breaking them. Insurance won't do anything without a police report I suspect.

Try not to get too hung up on the sentimental aspect of the jewellery, it is at the end of the day just 'stuff' - you still have the memories. I speak here as someone who had all their 18th birthday jewellery stolen and other precious things and then a few years ago sat outside my house waiting for the firebrigade to arrive as smoke spread through it - I was wondering if there was anything I should be trying to save (had got DS out already) and I realised that actually once people are safe nothing else matters at all, anything material can be replaced, people and memories can't...

SDon don't be too quick to dismiss the police - the guys are probably on bail/still being investigated. Also what the hell has being Romanian got to do with anything...Being burgled is horrible but they haven't taken your life, only stuff, you really mustn't let it get to you like that - the police should have given you a number for Victim Support - perhaps contact them?

lechatnoir · 28/12/2011 10:30

I would be having a family chat before calling the police - make absolutely sure your kids know owning up now will result in a bollocking but better that than being arrested (!) and ask if there's any chance a friend might have taken them? You can say you think it's the cleaner so they don't feel your accusing them, but worth checking before the police are involved as teenagers can do very silly things without really considering the consequences.

PaulaMummyKnowsBest · 28/12/2011 12:48

don't rule out the children.

My DD had a party at home and her "best" friends came. £100 cash went missing from my bedroom. It was there before the party and not after. I was so upset that one of her friends (girls aged 10 / 11) would steal from us

Flossyfloof · 28/12/2011 12:58

Re insurance - my cleaner stole jewellery clothes and cheques from me. When I contacted the insurance company they refused to pay up, as I had invited her into my home. I got cash back from the bank. as she had forged my signature on cheques - but that was all.

PigletJohn · 28/12/2011 13:02

but Flossy, if you kept £10,000 of jewellery, £1,500 cash in your house, would you not have thought insurance was quite a good idea?

SDon · 28/12/2011 22:49

Being romanian is just that they were, as for the police yes they are on bail but one of them was leaving the country on the Tuesday before christmas and the police were aware of this, with all my stuff no doubt, and the police officier investigating is absolutely not interested in the slightest, he was virtually yawning when he took my 10min statement, did not ask me a single question, just went back to the station, released them on bail and left a message on my phone telling me that one of their friends or relations would come to my house to collect their property the following day, which consists of a couple of dust sheets, and paintbrushes and overalls, needless to say no one has come to collect their rubbish yet, it was just another ploy to manipulate the police officier, and its easy because the police do not give a dam. So no never bother calling them, because when they do nothing you are left feeling a millon billon times worse and the sheer injustice messes up your sanity.

foreverondiet · 28/12/2011 23:17

I think you need to:
a) have a family chat, explain about missing jewelry tell children that you are very upset and will be reporting it to police and explain that if it was them or their friends and they confess now and return it then you will not have to go to police.
b) tell cleaner the same, explain that if she returns it you will not contact the agency, the police etc.

somedayma · 29/12/2011 02:15

Horrible feeling knowing someone has stolen from you :(

SingleSoloShattersSparklyStars · 29/12/2011 02:49

Not everyone can pay to insure so much jewellery or valuables, I certainly couldn't.

thefroggy · 29/12/2011 03:10

I had all my jewellery stolen a few years ago, nothing of huge monetary value, but sentimental value. It was awful and there was nothing I could do.

Catslikehats · 29/12/2011 05:44

Op sorry this has happened to you. If you feel up to it best bet might be to speak to cleaner say you are aware items are missing and give her 24hrs to return stuff before you notify police. There is a small chance that when confronted with your distress she might cave. The reality is that the police will do little.

Insuring jewelery adequately is horribly expensive and hardly worth the effort. I have some quite valuable pieces and it was a shock to discover that to insure them a) outside the home or b) if they were taken by someone invited into our home or c) if they were given "voluntarily" i.e. in response to a threat of violence then the premiums were a considerable % of their actual value. When I factored in the cost of the safe they needed to be kept in and the excess it wasn't worth insuring a lot of it

PigletJohn · 29/12/2011 07:46

Buying £10,000 worth of jewellery is horribly expensive.

Catslikehats · 29/12/2011 08:08

Of course it is but the reality is if most people had £10k worth of jewelry stolen they wouldn't necesarily want to replace it all.

I am in my thirties so I could have bought my jewelry 3x over with the insurance premiums that I would have needed to pay since I left home. Fortunately I have never been burgled/robbed so this has been a considerable saving to me. I did lose some earrings once but in circumstances where the insurance would likely have not paid.

I think people often overestimate how valuable insurance is.

Pixieonthemoor · 29/12/2011 09:54

I am so so sorry - how ghastly and unsettling for you. I would def set up a camera to record the thieving, not necessarily to use as evidence but more as a peace of mind thing as it must be awful to be looking around at those with access to your home and thinking "is it you?". Then you can approach the person/go to the police or whatever you decide. If it was, say, one of the children's friends,then you can have a quiet word, say you have evidence on tape (they are not likely to know if such things are admissible is court as apparently the area is hugely complex) and that if you get all your stuff back pronto you will not take it any further. Good luck!

MumOfAPickle · 29/12/2011 10:10

I'm not sure about all the extra money for premiums. We moved house in July and my engagement ring 'went missing' on the day of the move. I'm pretty sure one of the bastard removal men took it but again, no proof. I claimed on our normal household insurance and got my money a few weeks ago. It wasn't as much as 10k but surely you just need to .make sure your single item limit covers your most expensive thing.
Feel for you OP. Although I've got the money its not the same as they no longer make my ring & whatever I get it'll never be the ring DH proposed to me with It's also really hard not to torture yourself with thoughts of 'how could I be so stupid'

droves · 29/12/2011 11:21

I'd set a camera up and catch her in the act .

Then I'd follow her home ,with a couple of big scary blokes , knock on her door and tell her I knew she stole the jewelery and ask for it back .

Do not threaten her , just ask for your things back. Then sack the bitch.

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