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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have had a 'moment' at such an Inopportune time?

25 replies

t0lk13n · 09/12/2011 22:06

My dad died a couple of months ago. Initially I had moments but as I was on holiday or was at home. However, today, whilst supervising 200 pupils [with other staff] in a gym [they were sitting exams], I just started crying! I am not sure if many notices as I did manage not to blub too loudly until I was ushered outside by another member of staff. Oh dear...

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 09/12/2011 22:08

I'm so sorry :( no of course YANBU, but it must have been stressful for you.

Original poster
t0lk13n · 09/12/2011 22:13

It only lasted about ten mins or so...managed to go back and continue my invigilation! It is the first of everything coming up and Dad `s birthday is[was] Boxing Day so lots of things mounting up. Thanks for reply x

OP posts:
Shakey1500 · 09/12/2011 22:15

Sorry for your loss t0lk13n

Yanbu, my Dad died 38 years ago and I still have moments.

Original poster
t0lk13n · 09/12/2011 22:16

Thank you Shakey xxx

OP posts:
grograg · 09/12/2011 22:17

YANBU :( I'm so sorry for your loss. My very DFIL died in august and i know DH will be very upset over christmas as he won't be here to celebrate it with us :(

FreudianSlipper · 09/12/2011 22:17

no of course you are not :(

losing loved ones is so painful please do not worry about this

LovesBloominChristmas · 09/12/2011 22:19

Just had the first anniversary of my dad passing away. It's totally normal.

The first Xmas was crap, I'm not expecting much better this year. Luckily ds is here now, 13 weeks old, so should distract us a bit.

You will get here, it's hard but you will, and we wil both get to where shakey is.

OldGreyWassailTest · 09/12/2011 22:19

My Dad died suddenly on Boxing Day 43 years ago. I still have moments, too, especially at this time of year. I am sorry for your loss.

Original poster
t0lk13n · 09/12/2011 22:20

Thank you one and all. [hugs] for all the losses mentioned xxxx

OP posts:
Hassledge · 09/12/2011 22:22

I had a moment in Sainsbury's today - saw their Portuguese Rose wine and remembered the holiday where Dad decided we had to taste-test a different Portuguese Rose every night (I was grown up, btw!). I could have just sat down in the aisle and wept - and he died years ago. For you it's so recent, and Christmas/birthdays are so hard. I'm sorry for your loss.

squeakytoy · 09/12/2011 22:24

Its perfectly natural and normal, and for you it is still very early days. x

lovecat · 09/12/2011 22:25

Sorry for your loss, OP.

My dad died in May this year and was very ill in the weeks leading up to it, so I wasn't around work much - about a month afterwards we were in a staff meeting and they started talking about the training that had been done for a forthcoming project - I hadn't had the training, thought 'oh, why did I miss that - oh ' - and I just teared up out of nowhere. Had to leave the room in front of everyone and couldn't go back for a good 15 minutes I was sobbing so hard. This stuff can come out of nowhere and really throw you.

YAN at all BU - be kind to yourself and don't beat yourself up about it.

ujjayi · 09/12/2011 23:17

YANBU.

Am sorry for your loss and hope that you are able to recall lots of good memories to make you smile during these difficult "firsts".

I still have days where I cry so hard for the passing of my beautiful Nan. She died 11 years ago, the week before DS1 was born. Sometimes the grief just grabs you and it is so important to let it just be.

How are you feeling now, OP?

Original poster
t0lk13n · 10/12/2011 13:23

Feeling ok now....as everyone says it passes.....it was over as quickly as it began. xxxxx First times are beginning to come and it feels overwhelming....once probate and the headstone are sorted I will feel that a page can be turned xxxxxx Thank you all .....support on here is great and I hope I will be able to support others at a later date xxxx

OP posts:
JjandtheBean · 10/12/2011 13:27

Yanbu,

We've just passed the year anniversary of my grandmas death and I still have moments, it doesn't get easier you just learn to cope. Take care, its shitty dealing with loosing someone who means so much xxxx

Mrsrobertduvall · 10/12/2011 13:29

Poor you. I too had lots of "moments" when my dad died.......and my brother (who is 59) did too.
Ten years on they are rare now, but I know my brother had one whilst watching Rolf Harris on PIers Morgan, much to the disgust of his wife.

ujjayi · 10/12/2011 13:37

Mrsrobertduvall - was your sil really disgusted by your DB having a moment? If so, that is so sad.

It really can be the most unusual things which can set off a moment of grief-fuelled sadness. My very unsentimental, "keep feelings in check", DH once had a total meltdown whilst watching ER. He had lost his mum 4 months beforehand and coped up until that moment. Someone died on the show and he sobbed in my arms like a baby for hours afterwards :(

perfumedlife · 10/12/2011 13:41

t0lk113n I am so sorry Sad YANBU in the slightest. I dread the day my parents die, i don't think anything can prepare you for it.

I remember clearly my dad sobbing behind his own dad's hearse, telling his sisters that they were orphans now, with both parents gone. They were adults of course, and still felt like that, all alone without their mum and dad. Even though they had us, it was just heartbreaking for them.

You must have loved him dearly, your tears are a tribute to that love.

To your dad Wine

Mrsrobertduvall · 10/12/2011 13:44

Yes she was....sort of, " you should be over this by now"
She is lucky to have both her parents plus a big family...there is just me , brother and a big sister we don't really see.
Brother and I once had a HUGE moment on the phone, when he called me and said "we are orphans".

The nice thing is that we can be honest with each other and every year go to Wales for a few days to visit his grave and raise a lot of glasses!

Original poster
t0lk13n · 10/12/2011 16:17

xxxx to all who replied....Lots of glasses raised to Dad as he liked a real ale but esp guinness! I`m in Wales...glad you come back to the Old Country now and again...lol Mrs Rduvall x

OP posts:
ItsSnowDarling · 10/12/2011 18:10

Not at all, my Mum died in September, and although I hold it together pretty well at work and in front of the children, I do cry on the way home from work most days.

GracieW · 10/12/2011 18:48

Not BU at all - a colleague at work who is extremely 'together' had a little cry in my office last week as it was coming up to her mum's anniversary.

Cry as and when you need to.

randommoment · 10/12/2011 20:47

'Moments' can happen at the least provocation and for months or years afterwards. I had to pull up in a layby and sob for 5 minutes when my dad's favourite piece of music came on the radio, five years after his death.
It does slowly, slowly get easier.

TheFarSide · 10/12/2011 20:55

YANBU. My mum died two months ago and it's no time at all. I am dreading our first Christmas without her.

Original poster
t0lk13n · 11/12/2011 12:04
OP posts:
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