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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be really annoyed at DH for procrastinating again...

26 replies

MrsTwinks · 09/12/2011 20:32

This isnt the first time hes left something so long that its too late, and I know I'm probably BU to get annoyed with him but I get absolutely fucking exhaused of being the one who does and organises everything. Just once I want to be treated iykwim. He is a bit awful so we have a big chalkboard in the front room with all the things to remember.

I do christmas, because I like it, I'm the cook, wrap etc. In return DH books and organises our NYE dinner. We always go for a fancy dinner early enough to get a cab home so we can both have a drink, then continue at home. It feels like a proper night out as every other time we go out DH insists on driving as its cheaper than a cab. It has been up on the blackboard (which was his idea before i become a controlling wife) to book the dinner for a month

A few weeks ago he said to me we would go to X, our favourite place but its TINY, and we've often not managed to get in. A friend just meantioned they had tried but they were booked out solid all night, commented to DH we must have been lucky to get a seat...

He went white. Said he meant to do it tomorrow. So now we have no where to go out

AIBU to be really fucked off with him?? He has put it off and not bothered and now hes shocked that 3 weeks from NYE they are booked out. For Valentines he booked pretty much this time last year to be sure FFS!! He could have booked online, hes had he reminder for the last few weeks and hes just not bothered. Now even the back up is booked out so god knows where we will go.

I'm having a crappy time since the summer and (irrelevent i know) two nights out I was meant to have this month have been cancelled, so now only christmas nights out I have are with his friends, who are ALL single or divorced so I feel like a third wheel, or his family who make me feel like a stuck up snob. I was really looking forward to this dinner he promised and he just hasnt bothered.

Am I being totally self centred or is he being a complete twat to have forgotten the one thing he needed to do. It was about all I had to look forward to over Christmas that was for me... gah now I do sound self centred but am v upset with him

OP posts:

ellangirl · 09/12/2011 21:00

No, YANBU. Perhaps he will surprise you with something else, and perhaps not. Either way, look forward to your well organised Christmas, and enjoy everyone else's happiness knowing it's all down to you!

FredFredGeorge · 09/12/2011 21:21

YAB a little U on the specific point it's just a dinner. You bring up the "You doing Christmas" as if it's part of a split of the effort of life, but it's not, you do Christmas because as you enjoy it, you can't then expect him to do something he doesn't enjoy (booking dinner) because you've done it. If it was important for you to go to the particular place, you could've booked it.

However YANBU on the wider point of not having any nights out over Christmas other than crap ones where you're a third wheel.

rookiemater · 09/12/2011 21:26

Well it's disappointing but in the grand scheme of things it shouldn't be marriage threatening.
Do you have DCs because thats the bit I get annoyed with, DH is all for nights out and nights away, but doesn't get that having to arrange the babysitter/negotiate dates with my parents is the hard part.

I would let DH know you are disappointed, but give him the chance to make up by booking the restaurant on another night.

PopcornMouse · 09/12/2011 21:29

I don't think YABU but if it was that important to you, I think you should have booked it yourself :(

squeakytoy · 09/12/2011 21:31

Find another restaurant. Somewhere will have an empty table.

Why not ring the one you like and explain that you want to go for the first sitting, as most people who go out will want to be out when the bells chime, so you might still get in if you want to go early.

FetchezLaVache · 09/12/2011 21:35

YANBU. I agree it's not a sacking offence, but annoying all the same. It's not like you were expecting him to show any initiative, is it, asking him to book the restaurant for NYE? And he's an adult, he knows NYE is a culturally popular evening on which places tend to be busy, so he should have got it booked.

I'd tell him he now needs to book somewhere else, and if he can't find anywhere else, he's cooking you the meal of his life, with candles and champagne and the bleeding lot!

Original poster

MrsTwinks · 09/12/2011 21:37

its not even that we aren't going there. He always picks where. Two weeks ago he said I think we should go to X, and he didnt bother book it.

No DC's yet, but (fingers crossed) this will be our last NYE without so I guess I wanted it to be a big one as from next year I expect babysitting will be a nightmare. My parents gave up on christmas etc when my pfb brother left home when I was 11 so I guess I'm maybe a bit self centred about wanting something to be special for me.

OP posts:

rookiemater · 09/12/2011 22:10

Look your DH sounds like a fundamentally decent bloke and yes I do have to say that you do sound a little bit precious to get worked up about the non booking of a restaurant, although bonus points for recognising this behaviour in yourself. I'd chill out a bit, give him a chance to either book something else or cook you a delicious meal at home.

Good luck for your baby plans next year.

whackamole · 09/12/2011 22:16

YANBU. I have the same thing with my OH. We are getting married 2nd June next year, instead of mentioning this at work and that he wants the Friday before and the following week off, he has left it and now can't have either. I'm so fucked off about it, every fucking year he waits till the last fucking second to do anything about holiday time and every fucking year I end up having to rearrange important stuff.

Sorry for the profanity-laden hijack!

Binfullofgibletsonthe26th · 09/12/2011 22:35

YANBU another one here in camp totally fucking exhausted at having to do everything....

It's not about the restaurant, it's about the delegation of tasks mainly. My dh left booking the childcare till last minute this summer and my poor DS had to spend a week in the fucking office satat a desk with headphones on. You just getbloody sick of being the strong one keeping it all together.

Tell him he needs to sort this now. And he needs to exceed your expectations...perhaps a nearby city restaurant culminating in a hotel stay for a night. Enjoy it before you have kids.

Rhubarbgarden · 09/12/2011 23:07

My dh is a procrastinator too. You have my sympathy. It does get really wearing feeling that if you want something doing, you have to do it yourself. I haven't had a birthday present from him for two years now; just vague unfulfilled promises. It is disappointing - yanbu.

blackeyedsanta · 09/12/2011 23:19

I am afraid that if it is important to you then you have to learn to do it yourself or be perpetually disappointed.

zest01 · 11/12/2011 08:03

YABU - why didn't you just book it yourself. Agree with a PP you stated that you "do" xmas because you enjoy it so it's a choice not something you are forced into. Also, so what if you can't fo to your favourite place? Go somewhere else or just go on a night that isn 't NYE and have a great night out then.

It's not to late to arrange a night out with your friends - if you feel like a spare part with DH's friends, don't go - let him have a night out with them and arrange something with yout friends instead.

At this time of the year I feel hugely stressed out with work. There are things on my list (DH and I divide tasks) that I had hoped to have done by now but I just haven't got around to them - if DH started giving me a hard time and harping on about how he has already done this and that off his list that would really help......NOT!!

Dozer · 11/12/2011 08:15

Yabu, there are surely other places to go for dinner or as someone has said have a nice meal in or go out another evening. Bratty behaviour on your part IMO.

Dozer · 11/12/2011 08:17

Perhaps by having fixed ideas about how NYE should be done, and the added pressure of "this might be last one without DC" you're getting it out of proportion?

OnlyWantsOne · 11/12/2011 08:38

I think YABU.

Yes his lack of action has resulted in you being disappointed but its really not a big deal is it?

Fwiw I haven't been out in years. With or without DP.

SylviaBells · 11/12/2011 09:00

YANBU - my dh is a stand up good chap but a dreadful procrastinator and it a VERY annoying trait.

Could you find another restaurant to try? If it is just the two of you for NYE could you go somewhere slightly less fabulous so you still get a nice evening out but make a point to go to your favourite restaurant for a lovely evening out on another date when it would not be inappropriate for dh to buy you something gorgeous to make up for his idiocy.

My dh is feeling smug this year because one weekend he helped me do a load of Christmas shopping. He seems to have forgotten the soul destroying hell that is Christmas cards, the buying of all the fiddly/hours to find presents that don't get bought in the first wave, buying for morons family who 'don't want anything' the wrapping etc etc etc

Oh I love Christmas Martyrdom

SylviaBells · 11/12/2011 09:01

Oh, some quality and irrelevant martyrdom from OnlyWantsOne

BrianButterfield · 11/12/2011 09:03

Ffs, it isn't precious to expect a grown adult to do something THEY AGREED TO DO!

rookiemater · 11/12/2011 09:13

Well the OP is going to be rather umm enlightened when and if a baby arrives if this is her disprapoprtionate response to what is a very minor hiccup. So many more opportunities for DH to disappoint once DC arrives.

trixie123 · 11/12/2011 09:14

totally understand why you are so hacked off but do agree with others that there are solutions here - go to a different restaurant or get him to cook a great meal. Next year with a baby it is highly unlikely that you will even want to go out so don't fret on that score .

HandDivedScallopsrgreat · 11/12/2011 09:18

YANBU. Booking a restaurant is not a lot to ask. Read Wifework by Susan Maushart. Or even better get him to read it.
And I know you said you like doing Xmas but if he did everything you did at Xmas wouldn't you enjoy it more?

Original poster

MrsTwinks · 11/12/2011 14:29

He has found somewhere else, but it's that he just put it off so much as he does with everything. I know it's going to be totally different with a LO and that's why im getting annoyed. I get fed up with having to chase him for simple things like picking up milk on his way home when he's finished it or booking a ruddy table, how will to be when I need him to do something for LO and he "forgets" or puts it off until its too late.

I don't have many friends locally as moved here for him my few all have 'family first' at Christmas and new years so it's rare they have time for any friends (hence everything getting cancelled until January) so going out and leaving him alone isn't really an option.

OP posts:

Lambzig · 11/12/2011 14:53

YANBU - my DH is exactly the same about remembering things and it drives me nuts. For me, yes I could book the restaurant/order the present online/make the phonecall myself, but as I work part time, I do most of the domestic admin including all the finances and organising stuff for our DD, just occasionally I want him to do something to contribute to the running of our domestic lives as well.

Its not that he doesnt want to help its just that he is very compartmentalised about things and simply doesnt remember. I have taken to sending him a 'meeting invite' reminder that sits in his work/iphone calendar which he generally accepts and then it pops up in his working day and he does it.

LikeAnAdventCandleButNotQuite · 11/12/2011 15:01

Hmmm, if it was on the board a month ago to 'Book table at XXXXXX' then YANBU, but if he just knew to book A table at Any unspecified restaurant, then tbf, three weeks ahead is plenty of time. Take the opportunity to try somehwre new, then insist he books a table at your favourite for Valentines. And plenty of your favourite bubbly! Do not let this hamper your christmas.

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