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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be frustrated with my mum - I think I am

8 replies

F1rstT1meMummy · 09/12/2011 20:29

Ok - before I start, I am not in anyway ungrateful for the help and support from my mum, and realise how incredibly lucky I am!

but... today, mum took DD to let me catch up on some sleep and she took her to her house. I only phoned, on the off chance to see where she was as I thought she would come back to my house and I knew DD would be due for a feed (I am breast feeding). However, in the meantime a relative had popped in to my mum who DD just doesn't seem to like (see other post in behaviour!!)

When I phoned I could hear DD in the background and said I would be around straight away. When I got there, I have never seen DD so upset and inconsoleable (she is 5 1/2 months), and mum said she had been like it for about 10-15 minutes.

We are literally around the corner- I got there in less than a minute.

However, she also took her for a walk on Monday to see the same relative, and she apparently cried all the time they were there for twenty minutes (which now transpires was the same hysterical inconsolable state as she was today). It is also not the only times DD has got upset around this relative.

So AIBU to be a little upset that my mum didn't call me a lot sooner and let my DD get so worked up and upset, given I am around the corner, or call me when the relative turned up so I could be there, given that she knows DD doesnt settle with relative around? I keep thinking perhaps mum didn't want to wake me if i was asleep.

...and how on earth do I get around the fact DD doesn't feel comfortable with my relative, who I care about a lot!?

Thanks

OP posts:

Feminine · 09/12/2011 20:35

Maybe your Mum has not made the connection?

I can see why you feel bad for your baby , but your Mum is being vitally helpful right now.

My DD used to scream when my MIL visited ...from 3 months onward ~life was tricky

I don't think there is right or wrong answer ...it is what it is :)

KittyAnne · 09/12/2011 20:42

YABU and need some perspective. I'd give anything to have my mum live nearby, but she is overseas.

And babies that young sometimes dislike certain people for no apparent reason; I'm sure your baby won't be scarred for life..

Original poster

F1rstT1meMummy · 09/12/2011 20:42

Thanks - although my mum has definitely made a connection as we talked about it after the initial visit earlier this week.

You are right - it does make life very tricky!

OP posts:

Dozer · 09/12/2011 20:45

Yabu, the baby was prob just hungry, prob nothing to do with the relative!

Feminine · 09/12/2011 20:48

Just ride it out for a bit op :) and don't worry :)

bejeezus · 09/12/2011 20:54

Bit of screaming won't hurt your baby. Baby will more than likely grow out of disliking rlative soon enough. Do they wear glasses? A hat? Things like that can set some babies off
You only have to worry if baby decides he/she doesn't like your mum!

PermanentlyOnEdge · 09/12/2011 20:56

I don't have an answer for you, but I had a similar problem that my DS (6 months) could not seem to stand being alone with my own mum! Even if all I did was go into another room and she was holding him he would get hysterical, and god forbid she tried to change a nappy or something you'd have thought he was being tortured. And it was only with my mum. It made things very difficult as of course he was my first and I couldn't stand to listen and not take him back and calm him. It made mum very angry and she said I was stopping him developing any relationships with anyone else! The thing is of course that it was just a stage and now he's 4 they are the best of friends. I guess what I'm saying is that it's ok to say you don't want your DC to get that upset, to tell mum/relative it's just a stage not a personal comment and to just call you straight away while it continues to happen. No need to upset mum/relative with strong words, tho I appreciate exactly how strongly you feel you want to protect your DC. People do/don't do things usually for the best of reasons eg letting you sleep; if you state what you'd like to have happen at the end of the day you're your DC's mum and you get to say how things should be. Stay diplomatic tho and keep mum onside! You're going to need her in the next few years. All the best.

Original poster

F1rstT1meMummy · 09/12/2011 21:00

Thanks everyone, I haven't said anything to my mum and I wont, and I recognise that I am incredibly lucky and am not ungrateful at all.

I think it was just a shock to see DD so upset, and I feel for my mum for having to console her while I wasn't there.

ha ha ha - we think it could be the relatives perfume!!

OP posts:

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