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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not phone my mum after the storm

16 replies

Angelswings · 09/12/2011 17:21

Got a phone call at lunchtime, "neither your sister or you have called to check I'm ok after the storm". Mum lives on Scotland but in the area that was amber not red warning. I'd spoken to her yesterday morning and she had told me she was staying indoors all day and not going out driving.

Should I have called her?

Back history, she was in Brisbane when they had the floods and I spent a week trying to get hold of her. Her mobile was broken and she wouldn't use her sisters phone to call me. The house was without power so the normal phone didn't work and I didn't have her sisters mobile number. They were
right on the edge of the worse effected part of the city.

When she did eventually phone, after a friend on Facebook helped me out, she never apologised or understood how worried we had been and I vowed never
to worry again.

Now I'm doubting myself

OP posts:

HowToLookGoodGlaikit · 09/12/2011 17:22

: nobody has phoned to check on me either!

usualsuspect · 09/12/2011 17:23

I would have called her ,but its up to you really

TheChristmasTreeSurgeonsMate · 09/12/2011 17:23

Doesn't seem unreasonable to me. Is she in fact ok after the storm?

YellowDinosaur · 09/12/2011 17:24

You knew she was going to be in all day so I'm not entirely sure why she felt you should have called to check she was OK tbh. Don't think the back story is even relevant - you knew she was going to be OK and talked to her only yesterday.

Is she always this high maintenance? Or is something else going on with her?

Original poster

Angelswings · 09/12/2011 17:41

She was fine, how are you HowtolookGG?

I think she really wanted to tell me all the stories of her friends roofs being damaged and the trees that are down blocking the road and the lack of electricity. She's warm, has enough wood and an open fire (and loads more wood to burn soon by the sound of it!)

She has no TV or microwave and kettle. That could be the main problem :)

Yes, she's fairly high maintenance

OP posts:

NoOnesGoingToEatYourMincePies · 09/12/2011 17:57

Does she normally try to make you feel guilty?

There's a big difference between "I'm just letting you know that I'm okay now the storm has finished" and "You haven't called to see if I'm okay after the storm" and for that reason I don't think you are being unreasonable.

Marymaryalittlecontrary · 09/12/2011 18:19

I don't know really. It would have been thoughtful of you to phone her last night, as she did mention she was staying in so she obviously was scared of the storm. But at the same time it's not like you didn't contact her for weeks!

Last year in the horrendous snow I rang my mum (in her late 60s and lives alone) every night just to make sure she hadn't slipped and fell. My brother didn't ring her once, not even when there was a national news story about an old woman who fell in her garden and was discovered frozen to death the next day. Finally she rang him after 2 weeks of no contact, and actually told him 'your sister rang me every night.' She must have been upset because she never, ever compares us like that to each other.

confusedpixie · 09/12/2011 18:50

I wouldn't have phoned, but then that's because my Mum gets up to all sorts that are far more dangerous than a storm and I'd be calling every week to find out if she's okay!

HappyCamel · 09/12/2011 18:54

Ah yes, parents whose phones only work in one direction. I have one of these. We don't talk much. YANBU

TidyDancer · 09/12/2011 18:57

Oh I would've phoned. But then I'm a worrier, which probably is clouding my opinion. I don't think it would've hurt to have just called her I guess.

aldiwhore · 09/12/2011 18:59

I'd have probably phoned really but I don't think YABU, considering your experience of the Aussy floods. I think the responsibility to give loved ones peace of mind is an even split in matter like this, so if anyone is BU, you both are! x

PeelThemWithTheirMithrasKnives · 09/12/2011 19:09

I phoned mine but she hustled me off the phone so my good deed was unappreciated.

Original poster

Angelswings · 09/12/2011 22:51

Aldi, I think you have it, we are both BU.

She has slipped and fallen in her garden and broken her wrist, just because it was wet and she was in the wring shoes. I'd been phoning every few hours if I really wanted to always know she was ok.

Her neighbours called round last night and today, it's that sort of community, tiny and caring. I guess I know they'd phone me if needed and her brother lives at the other end of the drive half a mile away.

OP posts:

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 09/12/2011 23:28

I think the back story is relevant. You've decided not to worry about her any more because of her lack of concern for you. Seems fair enough to me. Have you told her this?

Selks · 09/12/2011 23:36

Sounds petty to not call her because she was hard to contact in the past. I think you should have called her, she is your Mum after all. It takes little effort to be thoughtful and it might have meant a lot. Maybe the storm was genuinely frightening to go through last night - it was scary enough here in Yorkshire - and maybe she feels upset now that nobody called. Many people on Scotland have been left without power and have lost slates from roofs, had trees come down etc so it's not just risky if you were out in it.

Pandemoniaa · 09/12/2011 23:41

In the same circumstances I might have called but then, tbh, I expect (were she still alive) that my mother would have been on the phone quicker than you can say Hurricane Bawbag.

So I don't think it is unreasonable to await a call especially when it is likely that the weather has taken the phone lines down.

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