AIBU? am I? to want one drama free night in my house????

[troisgarcons]

I want a simple life really. Just to get up, go to work, come home, do some mothery type things, waft the odd hoover round, then have some chill time. I might do some wifey sort of things as well

I've had the day from hell at work. That's shelved and another clean slate starts tomorrow. My feet are killing me (a physical day). Followed by parents evening, necessitating off site parking and a steep hill to totter up and down.

I finally get my pyjamas on and the phone goes. DP, goes off to collect 16yo and fitting mate newly diagnosed with epilepsy (from 500 yards away). DP, I would point out, 2 weeks ago spent the w/end in hospital with a suspected (3rd) heart attack.

I take one look at sons mate and call an ambulance. 16yo's friend has serious home issues and has been put in halfway-house accommodation at my behest during the summer. He's put me down as next of kin. He's reiterated in ambulance that I'm to be next of kin.

AIBU to FB message his mother and tell her to haul her sorry fucking arse up to the hospital "X has had another fit. I've just sent him off in an ambulance. He's been taken to the Queen Elizabeth. Y is with him. X has put me down as next of kin and doesnt want me to tell you, and I dont like breaking his confidence, but I'd never forgive anyone if one of my children were in the same situation and didnt tell me."

She lives on FB (public wall) - we are an hour down the line and shes not responded to my PM.

I have no gaps in my day tomorrow to facilitate me nipping in and out of work if needed. My son will undoubtedly miss college. I'll end up nursemaiding for the w/end.

AIBU to have an irrational urge to just slap this woman round the face and tell her to stop being a self centered pathetic specimen (and I've never met her, seen her, neither is she a FB acquainance)

Poor kid, I remember some of your past posts about him

Does he have a social worker/key worker incase his Mum doesn't want to know?

Do you have any other way of contacting her?

I have no way of contacting her other than through FB - and she is not on my friends list - she just happens to have a particularly open wall which facilitated my message to her.

I just think it says it all that he isnt asking for his mum and wants me, who is, in reality' just a stranger.

Don't offer the friend anymore support than you can give. Whilst he is still a 'LAC' the help will be there for him.

You cannot get involved with his mother, if she isn't interest then it would be better for her to stay away completely, than let him down, later on.

Plans need to be put in place for his future by him and those involved in his care.

It is upto you whether you are happy to be down as his next of kin, you should not go along with that but then contact his mother. You need to talk about this when he is well enough.

Well I thought I would update.

I had to go to work today, no option to juggle some time off.

DH could however work from home - necessitated by the hospital discharging DS1s mate on the grounds "he needs to see his GP and arrange a neuro-consultant referal" - at 3.30am.

So DH takes the day off works from home and takes DC1s mate to his own GP, who has known hom since babyhood. Lots of eye contact between GP and DH, a lots of teling comments made about Friends homelife. He's said he's in a transition flat, ostensibly alone.

GP has said, no way he can be alone, he needs to be with someone looking out for him at the moment; letter to consultant in pipeline, and cannot prescibe any epilepsy drugs without a proper diagnosis. If a fit aoccurs again, then me or DH must call 999 and go in the ambulance and demand he's kept in, infact it's downright irresponsible of the hospital to discharge him twice in a week without proper test, and ensure he gets proper treatment.

Quite chat with DH earlier; whilst waiting in the GPs surgery, Friend and his poor excuse mother were texting rowing. Absolutely no concern at all.

And no, she hasn't replied to my FB message.

Actually this is more a spleen vent because as much trouble as my DS1 gives me with attitude and backchat there is absolutely no fecking way he would be facing something like this alone (even if I had had a hissy and chucked him out).

but more randomly - the ambulance man said last night "I hope you don't have a cat" - well we do have a cat, and she was enthralled by the whole fitting experience... and sat on the arm of the sofa watching. I thought animals got freaked by the electrical impulses... but why would the ambulance man specifically ask about a cat??

Sorry to hear what's going on sounds awful poor lad. Not sure about the cat thing but I have epilepsy and when I use to fit my dog would guard me and would try to bite anyone that tried to come near me or help me which proved very problematic!

:( poor kid. Don't know what to suggest though.

Sorry just re read your op if he's just been newly diagnosed did the consultant not suggest medication?? Has he got a definate diagnosis?? Sounds like he needs an adult to do some ringing round for him to try and sort it out IMO to try and get some meds for him

trois You sound frazzled so I'm sending you a genuine bunch of and a glass or two of . I know you want the easy life, but, for whatever reason this has all fallen at you and DH's feet. Thank goodness you are such lovely people to help like this . A massive well done from me.

I would have a word with DS about attitude this is his friend and he should recognise how lucky he and his mate are to have you.

When its tough just remember this is not forever, he is 16 and once the GP and other health proffessionals are involved and a plan is arranged the pressure will be off you and DH.

I would stay away from FB also its the work of the devil in these circumstances - send her one message with your phone number on - write on her wall you have done this and then I would just leave it to her to get in touch - you are all ready parenting for her you cant MAKE her care .

Good luck and imagine how gratefull this lad is to have you and how he will feel about you in later life.

I think I might use this as a bit of diary thread.

Thank you for the flowers and wine

I know I'm a soft touch but he's installed himself here. Taken the doctors words of "you cant be alone" quite literally. He asked me to take him down to both his nan and mothers to pick up some bits today. I did so, and stayed in the car. I could hear raised voices at his mothers house, even tho she closed the front door and he was inside.

He came out and said "I'm not allowed to go for Christmas, she doesnt want me there"
ah, I said, what about your Nans (who had waved him merrily off with lots of "I loves yous" ten mins earlier.
"cant go there" he said "she says it will upset my mum seeing me"

He's just popped out (round the corner, unaccompanied) 2 hours ago, gone to hang out with some mates and he's taken another fit and in hospital again.

DH (dear dear H) has said "this isnt our responsibility at all - where's my coat??!" and gone to the hospital.

Bless him, hes' now taken to calling us mum and dad as well. Which I cant say Im overjoyed about - but I'd feel mean if I corrected him because all he actually wants is a stable family life and his own blood just cant be arsed.

I'm sorely tempted to go round his mothers and drag her out to the hospital - I wont because she looks the sort to get a bit mardy in the street - but Im also tempted to go to the grandparents and tell them to grow a pair of balls between them - which I wont either. I'm utterly bemused by this entire family TBH.

chundle
Sorry just re read your op if he's just been newly diagnosed did the consultant not suggest medication?? Has he got a definate diagnosis??

That was the A&E diagnosis, with suggestion to GP - GP will not (rightly) prescribe anything) until neurologist has seen him. GP only visited on Friday. I have no idea how long this may take.

DH will stay with him - as a slightly more rational and educated adult to force them to keep him in for observation.

Poor poor lad.

There isnt any possibility he could be taking something when he heads out that is causing the fits?

He is so lucky to have you taking care of him. It cant be easy for you, but just think of all that karma you are storing up.

My first thought - i checked his eyes when he fitted in front of me - no they werent dilated.

Ambulance man implied same to DH - it was a fit not a drug convulsion.

I've interrogated asked - and I dont think he's the capaicty to lie to me lie that - I can usually spot a liar from 50 paces

Oh trios this is just awful

Know this really is not you're responsibility but it sounds like you're his best hope.

Definitely try the Grand parents they need to get a grip of the mum or help you out!
What's happening about money for his keep - are you getting his child benefit?

Poor boy must be terrified underneath

You really are doing a fantastic job

Thank you - Im not!

I'm just bolshy enough and have enough werewithall to know who to phone etc etc and make enquiries re the accomodation issue in the summer and to know what to say to get him rehomed, without being rude or abusive to council staff.

I was assured he would have a support worker, come to visit his house (there are 4 boys in similar situations in 4 flatlettes in one converted victorian house) and teach them all how to do their paper work, how to budget, take them shopping, general life skills - and he tells me he hasnt actually see anyone for weeks and weeks.

He gets HB (obviously) and income support because he's at college - but there have been no deductions for rent since he moved in during August. I can see a massive bill landing on his lap - and he doesnt understand budgetting and putting the money away.

There is only so much I can do - I dont micro manage my own children - basically for Sept-Nov I've only seen him rarely (girlfriend on the scene) which was ok by me as the month he was here in August just sucked my holiday away sorting out his accomodation.

I had to take a step back and let him become an adult on his own. mind you as soon as I finally prized him off my sofa and waved "goodbye" the riots started and a lot of it was at the bottom of his road, so I had to go and retrieve him because he really is a bit of a mouse.

You're right there is only so much you can do - and you're doing a lot more than most would!

Keep you're chin up trios!

How's Mr Trois bearing up?

Mr Trois is the loveliest bloke - Im sure he thoroughly enjoyed an early morning start to Reading with his mates to watch WH lose 3 nil - get home and have to decamp to the hozzy! Thank feck he doesnt drink or we would have been scuppered tonight!

He sounds like a star - don't forget to look after yourselves as well as your now 4 strong brood!