when does it get easier :(

[BlissfulMistletoe]

lost my grandad 10 years ago and today i have felt soo much grief.

the longer it gets the harder it gets, like he never got to meet my children, got to go to my wedding and other things.

when he passed away people said times a great healer, and it will get easier.
so why do it get harder

I can only offer sympathy and understanding. I feel the same about my mum whom I lost nearly 9 years ago. It feels like yesterday

I don't know when it gets easier unfortunately.

I found loosing my grandad more difficult after I had had my first DD (almost 3 years after grandad died) It hurts more knowing that grandad never knew any of his great grandchildren. It has been almost 7 years since grandad died and not a day goes by when I don't think about him. I am luck in the sense that he was still here for my wedding and I have some lovely photos and videos to remember him by. Both of my DD's love watching the videos and looking at his photos.

Were you close to your grandad?

I think it is harder when you know how much of a fantastic great grandad he would have been to your DC.

Time normally is a great healer. You must have had a lovely close relationship with your granddad, and christmas is always a time when we miss those who have passed away.

My Dad died 16 years ago, and I still miss him dreadfully.. and my Mum died 3 years ago, so that still feels quite raw at times.

It does get easier but you do miss them at certain milestones in life.

yes we was close.

I can't answer your question but I can sympathise. It's ten years in January since my Dad died. I feel like you, he's missed so many things, my wedding, us moving to somewhere he would have loved but mainly my two boys.

Ds1 is just getting into Christmas this year and it's so hard, I can't even get through singing a carol without a choke in my voice I don't know why it seems to affect me so much now.

Do you find some days are easier than others? I think the ten year thing is significant. I feel like how can life have managed to pass by so quickly with out them? Have you someone to talk to?

Sometimes even those closest to us don't realise when grief hits again out of the blue but then it can be hard to explain how something seemingly insignificant can trigger it again and with those that understand what happened I wouldn't want to risk upsetting by bringing it up. For me time dulled but hasn't healed the pain.

I'm sorry not to be able to offer you any answers but you aren't alone in your thoughts and can share them here if it helps x

It is so unbelievably hard when they go. I have no advice, I kind of just stumble through it when my grief seems to want to overtake me.

The ache of missing them is all consuming isn't it.

I try to help myself feel better by telling my DD's all about him, as he would have adored them and they him.
My mum and DD1 conspired to scare the bejeesus out of me with a story about my grandad once, still makes me smile.

My dad died 11 years ago and I seem to miss him at strange times and unusual things upset me, I can get through his birthday fine, but if I see someone wearing a jumper he would have worn I can be in pieces.

I think it's accepting that missing them is right, because we loved them, we miss them. It would be dreadful to not be missed, it would mean that no one had cared.

I love this poem, your grandad is still here because he is still in your heart

How long does a man live after all?
A thousand days or only one?
One week or a few centuries?
How long does a man spend living or dying
and what do we mean when we say gone forever?

Adrift in such preoccupations, we seek clarification.
We can go to the philosophers
but they will weary of our questions.
We can go to the priests and rabbis
but they might be busy with administrations.

So, how long does a man live after all?
And how much does he live while he lives?
We fret and ask so many questions -
then when it comes to us
the answer is so simple after all.

A man lives for as long as we carry him inside us,
for as long as we carry the harvest of his dreams,
for as long as we ourselves live,
holding memories in common, a man lives.

His lover will carry his man's scent, his touch:
his children will carry the weight of his love.
One friend will carry his arguments,
another will hum his favourite tunes,
another will still share his terrors.

And the days will pass with baffled faces,
then the weeks, then the months,
then there will be a day when no question is asked,
and the knots of grief will loosen in the stomach
and the puffed faces will calm.
And on that day he will not have ceased
but will have ceased to be separated by death.

How long does a man live after all?
A man lives so many different lengths of time

I dont think grief does get better, you just learn how to manage it better.

There will always be things that make you have that 'pang' in your chest.... which is a marginally better feeling to the 'having-your-heart-ripped-out' feeling .

Eventually you will be able to remember things or have thoughts provoked by everyday occurences that will trigger a wry smile rather than direct pain.

My mum has been dead 16 years now, I still have moments when I think 'must tell mum that .....ah, I cant".... then I think "ah well,she probably knows things before me now!"

my niece has just turn 10 and everyone made a big fuss...double figures and how it such a milestone.

this year it feels like a milestone