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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want the council to house me after leaving abusive husband?

85 replies

EllenandBump · 08/12/2011 20:03

I left my husband on 5th november and went down to mum's in kent. I then applied to the coucil for housing as my mum hasnt got the room for us to stay there permanently. And when i say abusive, he stabbed me in the leg in one incident.

Today, I received a letter to say that bexley council advise that i approach northampton council (where i left) to get rehoused.

Is it so unreasonable for me to want to be housed in the borough i spent my first 16years of life, where my sister lives and the same borough as my mum was born in and has lived for all 64years of her life?

I have explained that i have PND and need support and have no friends in northampton, and only had my husband there. My mum and sister are my only family. just dont see how they can refer me back there with a clear conscience. Although, i havent told the police the extent of it, cos i didnt want trouble from his family and just want to move on, i dont really want to have every thing dragged up in court.

OP posts:
JeremyVile · 08/12/2011 20:39

No, you most certainly will not have to go back to Northampton.

I could be wrong but I dont think the situation with the ex will push you any higher up the waiting list - so in terms of how long you'll have to wait...how long is a piece of string? Pretty bloody long I should imagine.

StNicksNackered · 08/12/2011 20:43

'nonce sense'? Really???

troisgarcons · 08/12/2011 20:44

I live in Bexley - the remaining council owned houses are not on 'nice estates' ..... so feel free if you want to live amongst the local drug dealers et al. And there are very few council properties left.

Disclaimer - I am not implying council tenants are drug dealers. Just ours all seem to congregate in one or two particular places, as the OP should know, having lived here.

On a more serious note - I thought you got housed in your 'home area' - which for the OP would be Northampton? thereafter you can apply for an exchange?

There is nothing to stop you, OP, claiming HB on a Bexley private let - which some of our friends and acquaintances do. If you want to be in this area, I suggest Greenwich borough which has much slacker controls - Abbey Wood or Plumstead or Eltham would put you on the Bexley borders. Or Bromley (orpington) which has swathes of council houses remaining and border the otherside of the borough.

JeremyVile · 08/12/2011 20:48

"On a more serious note - I thought you got housed in your 'home area' - which for the OP would be Northampton? thereafter you can apply for an exchange?"

Lots of explanations on the thread already explaining that that is not the case.

Mayvis · 08/12/2011 20:48

It doesn't sound like you are overcrowded at your mums unfortunately

I have a family member in a very similar situation. They are currently living with another family member in a tiny 2 bed house. There is an adult and 3 children (aged 4 and above) sharing one room (12ft square). They have been on the list (priority banded) since April.

JeremyVile · 08/12/2011 20:49

Nonce sense! Grin

Ipad??

thepeoplesprincess · 08/12/2011 21:00

More a long-standing love of seeing Phil Collins publicly humiliated..... Wink

Original poster
EllenandBump · 08/12/2011 21:17

An exchange would take forever, and my husband can get an injunctiion to prevent me from doing it, as it is a tenancy in joint names. The only thing i seem to be able to do without his permission is to end the tenancy, which would make me intentionally homeless and then no one will help me.

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 08/12/2011 21:27

Hating to turn the tread, but wanting to make a point ....surely councils have different policies?

Im not going to google and do a link spam, but there was a screed in the media and a quite a brouhaha about a serviceman, getting injured, getting discharged from the army and not being able to get accommodation for himself and his family in his home town because he hadn't resided there for 9 years. (army accommodation had been withdrawn after his discharge on disability grounds).

I would suggest OP - CAB or one of the womens refuge agencies for advice would be your best bet for proper advice. Internet opinions are like arseholes - everyone has one.

marriedandwreathedinholly · 08/12/2011 21:33

OP - good for you for leaving him and going to your mum. Good for your mum for taking you in and looking after you whilst you get back on your feet.

I'm sorry you have been through this and are having a tough time but immensely proud of your mum for being a brilliant mum and providing you with enough security to go home and of you for having the guts to up and go home. Well done.

There are others on here who will know the wrinkles to make sure you get a home near your family, where paradoxically you will be in a position to take care of your mum in a generation's time and for which the LA will be grateful. >> Thanks

Original poster
EllenandBump · 08/12/2011 21:36

I just hoped someone would have experienced this and be able to say it will all turn out okay cos right now it feels like everything is against me, the councilhave advised me strongly to go back to northampton, child benefit isnt being paid cos it was in his name and nor is child tax credits because as soon as i told them we had seperated they have had to re assess the claim, they also asked for his birth certificate - have they not got that information! So i am only living on my money which is not easy to manage. xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
EllenandBump · 08/12/2011 21:50

My mum is amazing. And i am so grateful to her for it. My mum copes so well. We have five cats here, 17 bunny rabbits, me a baby and my sister (often sleeps over) and when her partner comes in the two dogs who mum dog sits while they go for hospital appointments. I will always take care of my mum, she needs it, shes 64 now. She understands how hard it is as she had no one to help her. My dad died when i was 15 months old and my grandfather followed a month later, and her mum had passed away long before. She was tehn left with me aged 15months and my sister aged 6. So it really wasnt easy so she is trying to do everything possible to help me.

I LOVE MY MUM. I put her on facebook as my inspirational person. xxx

OP posts:
thepeoplesprincess · 08/12/2011 21:52

Dude, I HAVE experienced the exact same situation as you, and the council (after much huffing and puffing) were eventually forced to admit they had a legal duty to house me. I was in temp. accomodation first though for a good long time,.

saladsandwich · 08/12/2011 21:58

i have been in your situation 18months ago living at my dads with an 18month old they said we werent over crowded, my ex was turning up there every night knocking us up threatening and ringing ambulances to my door in my name, i am still on the council list, i found private accomodation in the end. it may be worth looking at private housing or housing associations in the area x

Original poster
EllenandBump · 08/12/2011 21:59

Just somewhere to stay would be great. Glad to know i am in the right. Dont suppose you could tell me how to speed up the benefits. They said it could take 12 weeks for child benefit and then if he wont sign it over to me i will have to contest it. I mean whats to contest, he hasnt even seen his son in teh last 5 weeks let alone looked after him! I believe i have the right to that money! xxx

OP posts:
Kladdkaka · 08/12/2011 22:04

I fled a violent situation too. I stayed in an emergency women's aid shelter over night and the following day was moved out of the area. This was their policy. For your own safety you are moved to a shelter out of your area. The council in the new area never even questioned it. This was 17 years ago. I don't know if things have changed.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 08/12/2011 22:12

Thank you. So i am not being unreasonable not to want to stay in northampton where he is? I am glad to hear it. I dont really want to go into a womens refuge, i can stay with mum temporarily and there may well be another woman out there who really needs it, and therefore wont get it. I am trying to be realistic. xxx

OP posts:
Kladdkaka · 08/12/2011 22:15

It might be worth speaking to the women's refuge in the areas you left/your area to find out if they would have done the same. That way you'll have ammunition for arguing with the council.

JeremyVile · 08/12/2011 22:15

I dont think you're in for an easy time in terms of getting social housing, its all a mess really.
But you will not be made to go back to Northampton.
The benefits situation sounds tough, glad you ahve been put in touch with a solicitor - they may be able to advise you about the CB etc or know someone who can.

Original poster
EllenandBump · 08/12/2011 22:22

I thought benefits for children wuld be pretty simple, the parent looking after them (me as its always been) should get the benefit,i thought that was common sense apparently not, why does he have to sign over the money to me when its me that has the right to it!

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR SUPPORT

OP posts:
Kladdkaka · 08/12/2011 22:29

There's lots of useful information on housing on the Women'sAid website. It says:

'Local ConnectionLocal connection is established by current or previous voluntary residence, current employment, family association, or other special circumstance. If no one in the applicant?s household has any connection with the local authority to which the application was made, the authority may refer the household to another local authority with which at least one member of the household has a connection, provided that no one in the household runs a risk of domestic violence in the other area. An applicant can ask for a review if s/he objects to the referral. S/he must be given accommodation by the first authority pending the outcome of the review.

This means that anyone ?at risk of violence? is in priority need and does not need a ?local connection? and may choose to leave their local area but must not be intentionally homeless.'

Another useful bit:

'In cases of domestic violence the Guidance is clear that:
'local authorities should not seek proof of violence, or contact the perpetrator. The effects of domestic violence can be cumulative, where incidents occurring over time may erode a victim's self-confidence and contribute to making her/him vulnerable'.'

womensaid.org.uk/domestic-violence-articles.asp?section=00010001002200150001&itemid=1004

cestlavielife · 08/12/2011 22:37

You do need to tell police the full extent as this will be important later if he seeks contact with the child.

twoofus · 08/12/2011 22:41

claiming esa, you are entitled to housing benefit to house you and your child, you should contact the council and ask what their local housing allowance rates are and if they have a rent assist scheme, housing benefit can take upto 3 weeks to be processed and rent assist can pay any bond/deposit you might need. once you have the rates for a 2 bed property start looking at private accomodation, you will get a house much faster this way

from a benefits perspective, you can turn up in any part of the coutry and decide to live there

Original poster
EllenandBump · 08/12/2011 22:42

If he tries to seek contact later, i will just point out that he takes cocaine, so that he has no money to be able to feed himself or put any gas or electric on the meters and is still taking roughly an extra 150 per week of his pentioner mum. He also has been in court for violent behaviour on a paramedic. He got an 18month conditional discharge. I think i am being reasonable by saying he has to go through a contact centre and have spoken to citizens advice and they agree that it is reasonable under the circumstances. xx

OP posts:
saladsandwich · 08/12/2011 22:44

i will say with regards to benefit just keep ringing child benefit and plead your case, you will eventually drop on someone who will help you on the phone, thats what i did when i first had my son, i ended up in tears to some one from child tax credis Xmas Blush also ring welfare rights they can sometimes help

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