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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I probably am, over-thought it now, but still a bit miffed

18 replies

MrsJangleBalls · 08/12/2011 19:36

Got told off by dd1's teacher today. Apparently dd2's preschool teacher saw dd2 run off into the school car park yesterday and was worried. It was entirely my own fault, I wasn't watching her and she did a bunk. I caught her in about ten seconds but still, scary obviously. So dd2's teacher see's fit to tell dd1's teacher to have a quiet word with me. I'm assuming this was because I see dd1's teacher more than I see dd2's teacher, even though they're in the same school and we're there every day.

Dd1's teacher was very nice about it, and I was very nice back, and then on leaving I bumped into dd2's preschool teacher and apologised for scaring her.

On reflection, why didn't dd2's preschool teacher come and berate my parenting skills to me rather than involve someone else? AIBU to think that instead of apologising to her I should have actually asked her why she didn't just come to me herself? Feel like a shit mum twice over.

OP posts:
festi · 08/12/2011 19:39

goodness me I dont think either should see fit to berate your parenting. how odd.

NatashaBee · 08/12/2011 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thepeoplesprincess · 08/12/2011 19:51

YANBU. She's your daughter, and it's up to you whether or not you let her run under a car.

LemonDifficult · 08/12/2011 19:53

Hmmm. I worked as a school secretary and the children-in-car-park issue was a huge and very touchy one. A few years ago a mother ran over and killed her own child in the school car park. It was awful.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that they may have felt it sufficiently urgent to get the first teacher who saw you to speak to you about it. Of course, you'd already taken it all in - it's just they felt they had to speak to you about it and that they needed to do it urgently.

Don't feel bad. I think it might just be procedure. Don't dwell on it or think worse of the staff.

Original poster
MrsJangleBalls · 08/12/2011 20:02

You're probably right Lemon and I'm making a bigger deal out of it. Just feel a bit judged I guess. I've managed to get them this far without killing them!

princess the time may come when they've annoyed me sufficiently to cheerfully throw them into the road, and as we walk to school every day I don't need to wait until we get there to do it. Hmm

OP posts:
HecateGoddessOfTwelfthNight · 08/12/2011 20:04

They told you off? Shock

What did they actually say to you?

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 08/12/2011 20:06

How daft! Presumably if she saw dd run, she also saw you stop her, and knows you were aware of the danger. Not her business to educate you about this.

OTOH, are you sure that's she was doing? Could she simply have been talking about it?

festi · 08/12/2011 20:09

I dont agree lemon, if they witnessed this one off incident as op describes it then they have no reason to bielive this is anything other than a one off event that was adequatly handled by the parent so need for them to even get involved, If it is an ongoing problem at the school with other parents and children the secretary should send out a letter or like my dds school have become fans of recently a message through school texting service to remin people of saftey in the car park.

Original poster
MrsJangleBalls · 08/12/2011 20:15

She just said that the teacher had been a bit worried because it was getting dark and dd2 might not have been seen. Fair enough but as Candles says if she could see dd2 then she must have seen me.

I'm still a bit Hmm as to why she involved someone else. Perhaps they were having a good old gossip about me in the staff room.

We do walk to school practically every day so we are pretty good at road safety lessons. And because I know dd2 is a bolter I'm always telling her cars are dangerous.

OP posts:
JoyceDivision · 08/12/2011 20:23

Health and safety, car parks shouldn't be accessed by anyone other than staff, even if the boundary is only a twee little border of flowers. They'reneeding to tell you because they could be held sort of some odd way liable if your dd had accident in area that wasn't for students... someone tripped over on our school carpark fr staff and they sued the school!!

Plus, I'm guessing your dd's pre-school treacgher asked her teacher to adress the matter with you as that's you have the current school relationship with. sort of going through the proper channels if you like.

Wouldn't be too miffed, you might be the sensible parent dealing with a bolter, but there''ll be loads that just let their kids run riot not watching them and they will have to be seen to address the issue across the board with everyone

JoyceDivision · 08/12/2011 20:24

sorry, above post assuming it's staff car park!!

Original poster
MrsJangleBalls · 08/12/2011 20:39

No, it's not a staff car park, it's specifically for parents. It's always teeming with kids.

They must spend a lot of time telling parents off and worrying themselves to death that we just aren't fit parents.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsJangleBalls · 09/12/2011 18:04

The headmistress was waiting by the gate tonight. As we left she said to dd1 'wait for mummy!' Dd1 was about two feet in front of me.

Am I being paranoid?

OP posts:
bigshinydinosaur · 09/12/2011 18:43

You need to say what was actually said to you that you considered to be a telling off.

Original poster
MrsJangleBalls · 09/12/2011 21:53

Well it was more that she felt the need to approach me, and via a third person who wasn't even involved, rather than what was said. I dealt with the incident and that was it. It didn't highlighting.

OP posts:
whackamole · 09/12/2011 21:58

I don't think either of them should have said anything tbh. Yes it is scary when a child runs off, but unless it's a regular occurrence and you generally don't keep an eye out then it's nothing to be worried about.

I am a parent of a bolter so I truly sympathise! The worst one being when DTS1 ran out of Boots, straight towards the road. I had hold of the other one and was about 8 months pregnant, legged it out as did the lady behind the counter. Was awful and scary and I cried.

festi · 09/12/2011 22:49

are you sure that it isnt a regular occurance with at least other children if not your own. what with the head teacher Im not doubting you but my friend is often totally obliviouse to her dds and what they are doing and is often surprised by other people reactions to their behaviour.

Or either that I am thinking this is an ongoing issue in general with other parents and small children in the car park that you have not picked up on and the head has said the same to other kids today. its just it seems like a deliberate action for the head to be out their today. The head in dds school often does this due to onging conflict btween local resident and parents around parking outside the school as it is a residential road and their are often run ins with the residents and parents. she is often accompanied by a pcso.

Sevenfold · 09/12/2011 22:51

how terrible
teachers caring
whatever next

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