To cut my mum out of my life

[chinam]

I have run a type of Xmas saving club for about 10 years. In 2010 my mum's friend joined. I collected the money directly from the friend for the first year but this year I've changed jobs and that made it impossible to do, so the friend gave the money to my mum and she passed it to me. That worked well for a few months but then some weeks she would give money to my mum and some weeks she wouldn't. I knew that her DH was hospitialised a lot during the year for severe MH issues so I stupidly didn't push the friend for the outstanding balances. Anyway, it has now come time to pay out the money and my mum admits that not all of the money the friend gave her has been passed over to me. There is a shortfall of £400. Mum spent it over the year on bills etc and now doesn't have it to give back to her friend. I have, of course, stumped up the cash. It's not the woman's fault. She gave the money to my mother in good faith. I've had to put off my own Santa shop until I get paid, but things will be very tight. DH is going nuts but he knows I had to pay the woman. My mother has done similar stuff with money in the past but it's been 6 yrs since the last time so I naively thought she had changed. I'm devastated that she has done this to me again after all the promises the last time. My sisters think I need to cut her out of my life. They pretty much have cut her out over different issues but I've always felt sorry for her because she had a crap life growing up and so I've forgiven her so many things. Now I just don't know what to do. She has said she will pay back the money but it's highly unlikely that she will. Does it make me a horrible person if I just walk away from this relationship?

my sister doesn't speak to my mum. i have struggled with my mum for years but keep the relationship going because I've seen what it's done to my mum and sister (the not speaking) and it's ripped the family apart. Makes EVERY family occasion an awkward one, and there is constantly an enormous elephant in the room. It affects the grandchildren. Its all shit. Unless your mum has done something unforgiveable in your eyes it's really not worth it in the long run... just my opinion.

you can still maintain a distant relationship to keep things on an even keel.

To be honest, I dont think you should cover the shortfall. I think you shall tell your mum that you will not do this because you simply cannot afford it. The problem is between her and the friend. She has stolen from her friend, and not from you. You will tell the friend that only X amount of money have been added to her savings fun, because that is the amount you were given.

Then leave it for your mum to sort out!

savings fund

It's not falling out over money, it's falling out over theft.
Being bad with money is one thing, I'm guilty of that myself, but taking someone else's is quite another.

I'm afraid I would never forgive anyone who stole from me. No matter who they were.

In fact, I would look at this as 'stealing from my children' as their Christmas will now suffer - and that is even worse.

I'm sorry, but I couldn't forgive this. If it was a friend I'd cut them off, I think your mum doing this to you is worse