GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! Why do some people talk to children as if they are brainless idiots?

[MayaAngelCool]

You know the sort. "Ooooh, does Matty-Matty (aka Matilda, age 5) want to go to see the lovely fluffy doggy with Auntie Suzy-Woozy?" (spoken by Auntie Susan, who, for some unfathomably inane reason, is referring to herself and Matilda in the third person. Matilda peers at her quizzically.)

(Continues, in a singsong voice that makes me want to pitchfork her in the eye) "Now, if you munch up all your veggies like a good little girl, lovely Auntie Suzy-Woozy will give you some yummy pudding!" (there is a whistling noise as a random pitchfork magically sails through the air and Auntie SuzyBloodyWoozy is no more).

Why do people do this? Is there an unidentified disease of the brain which renders them unable to communicate with children in a normal way? Are they outrageously uncomfortable being in the presence of the young? (that said, I know at least one person who does this who has their own kids)

Why? WHY? WHHHHYYYYYYYY????

Irritating, but some evidence that sing-song voices and high pitch make it easier for babies to tune in and learn language. So, you are only being partially reasonable.

it's called motherese

Hardgoing, I'm not talking about babies - I've heard about that research already. In any case, the intonation pattern without the accompanying stoopid talk would not offend me as much. It's the 'I'm going to turn every ickle word into something fluffy and cuuuute!' which drives me nuts.

Oh ffs now I'm angry before bed OP

YANBU and it's even bloody worse when they talk to other adults like that!

"I love my ickle Hubby wubby, he makes my bedtime dwink"

GAAAAAHHHHHH!!

Not half as irritating as doing it with no children present. I used to work with a woman in her 20's who talked like that most of the time. I harboured evil feelings towards her whenever she did it

Maya.

Would you like me to hold you handywandies and lead you down the fwuffy path to my happy place?

Is Auntie Suzy-Wozy a member of Netmums?

Perhaps because they haven't got a baby of their own at that point, and so turn their desire to talk like that to other children? I talk to my dogs in motherese; if I didn't treat the dogs like babies I'd have to have had 10 real children (rather than 2) by now to use up all my maternal urges.

I knew someone who talked that about her husband.

He divorced her.

Omg I remember my friend dumping her boyfriend when she was about 19

After sex he used to say "Did my bubby cummy wummy?"

yeah rhyming repetition and rhythm are supposed to help with language, literacy, reading. Annoying high pitched voices/ music and basically anything thats not monotone dry satire I think strangely stimulate a young child's brain cells or something along those lines - they have yet to learn a lot - like how to criticize well meaning aunties and how to hold a pitchfork..5 is a bit old for this!! My mum STILL refers to herself in the 3rd person when speaking to my DS aged 12! I have suggested gently that the break the habit as he is getting older now but she can't. She still raises her voice.when he walkes n the room...bless her. Perhaps Suzie-Woozey enjoys a bit of role play, like my mum LOL

Worra, I think I will never, ever, ever be able to remove that from my brain.

Sorry SpermyWermy

Seriuosly Worra, it's on a loop in my head to the tune of 'things can only get better' cept now the lyrics are boakable.

TSC - sorry to hear you were in hospital last week with scrummy DS :( How is he now??

OP - I'll sharpen the prongs for you

OMG Worra I nearly pebble-dashed my screen reading that about your friend.

Blinkin' 'eck, it's bad enough Talkin' Stoopid to a 5 yo, but to what kind of freakishly abnormal buffoon would do that to an adult??

There is a very good reason why psychiatrists exist.

TSC - I'd love to see him :) What a dreadful shame you missed the trip to grannies worth every sleepless minute (though not DS being ill of course!). How's he doing now?

Grown adults saying hospicle because they think it makes them sound cute. Ditto saying "my bad"

Sharon Osborne's baby talking drives me nuts. What does she think she sounds like?

I would avoid any invitation to go down the fluffy path to Chaos's happy place.

Not sure why.

Fo0ffy, that is excellent advice!