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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to email a local high school about their pupils' behaviour on public transport?

44 replies

ShowOfHands · 07/12/2011 16:43

I take dd to school on the bus and it's also used by students who attend a local high school. They seem to have free passes.

I'm not sure if I should be confronting them (I'm really inept at that sort of thing) or the school. Or the bus company? They're all in uniform so identifiable. The main issue is their language. Their swearing is really quite remarkable in that it outweighs the non-swearing. And their subject matter is horrid. Very explicit, vulgar sexual remarks and descriptions. Aimed at people they see on the pavement, fellow students, teachers. I mean seriously nasty misogynistic rhetoric concerning exactly what they'd do to women or make them do for them, v graphic indeed.

They also spit, litter, have picnics, sprawl over the seats in muddy shoes etc.

I keep dd right at the front and facing away from it with her distracted at all times but frankly, I'm fed up. As are the other old women who also use the bus.

I would also mention the pleasant, polite ones who help with my pram.

What should I do?

OP posts:

JamieComeHome · 07/12/2011 18:59

I agree WhatisPi. Unless I feel threatened, I think that not saying anything to children is agreeing that what they are doing is OK. I can't live with that. You have to do it in the right way though. Firm but respectful. They hate to be shamed in front of their mates. I think that's why I'm better with boys (got DSs myself) - not as sure how to approach girls

hohohoshedittant · 07/12/2011 18:59

The school will be able to do a general chat about behaviour on the way to school even if you can't identify which children it was. This happened a few times when I was at school e.g. 'it's been reported that children on X bus did x,y,z - it needs to stop NOW'.

Once someone threw a rock out of the upstairs window of the school bus and broke the windscreen of the car behind. The lady got a look at them and was able to pick them out from their year book picture

lifechanger · 07/12/2011 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MitziKinsky · 07/12/2011 19:07

Definately!

My DS takes a bus to school, but the vast majority of pupils are from a neighbouring school. One day the behaviour of the pupils from the other school was so bad DS told me a girl was hit in the eye by a bottle. She had another hour of her journey and then a walk home. I emailed the head of the other school (and DSs school) and the response from the head of the other school was most impressive. A teacher from that school then travelled on the bus for the next week.

Bus that is a specific school bus. So I would email and phone and encourage the bus company to complain also.

TheOriginalFAB · 07/12/2011 19:09

Contact the school.

I rang once when a child walked out in front of my car, 3 metres from a pelican crossing which would have made me do an emergency stop causing a crash, if I hadn't seen them and assumed they would do something stupid.

The school were grateful, especially as they should have been in school...

whomovedmychocolate · 07/12/2011 19:20

I videoed kids doing this once on my phone and sent it to their school. The head showed the footage in assembly and bollocked them in front of the whole school.

Whether it did any good is another matter but she seemed overjoyed to have the evidence.

SilentNotViolentNight · 07/12/2011 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MitziKinsky · 07/12/2011 19:30

I used to walk past two school to take DS to nursery school.

The behaviour of the pupils at one school was . It has since closed - falling numbers due to poor GCSE results.

The behaviour of the pupils of the other school was commendable. Without fail for 2 years they let me pass with a double pushchair, were always courteous and polite in every way. This school just happens to be a top public school.

When DS left nursery I did feel like writing to the heads of both schools, but never got around to it.

What I would really like to know is how the school the polite children attend achieve this. Maybe they could share something.

Funnily enough I was walking with the DC near this public school, when one of their pupils cut me up/ walked in front of me. I thought to my self "that's not normal behaviour for a pupils from this school, but they are teenagers, so I forgive them." But the other pupil they were with exclaimed "I can't believe you just walked in front of a member of the public like that!"

Interesting, and impressive.

And I just love being a "member of the public"

Merrylegs · 07/12/2011 19:38

Hmm. Difficult.

If you were feeling brave enough I would tell them off directly tbh. Just make them aware you are listening and it is Not On.

(OTOH, if you want to then complain to the school they Will Know it was you.... )

I would favour the direct approach. 'Hey, watch your language. There are small children here.' But then I am an ancient mum of teens and do not stand on ceremony.

You may well find they go all Kevin and Perry on you 'yes Mrs Patterson, sorry Mrs Patterson...'

blueemerald · 07/12/2011 19:54

I used to work in a girls' secondary school and every time our Head got an email/letter/phone call of this nature she would invite the person to come in to look through 'the book' (a photograph of every student organised by year, every school has one of some sort) and pick out any (good and bad) that they recognised. She always used to claim the accusations had come from the bus company and verified by CCTV on the buses.

When you contact the school (I would phone as this may get swept away by an over worked receptionist or PA) I would request to come in and look at the photos to help them identify the students involved. Otherwise, it is very difficult to do anything beyond a general warning in assembly, an assembly the worst trouble makers won't be there for anyway.

sozzledchops · 07/12/2011 20:09

Shame you can't tape it and hand it in to the school. Or to be really evil put it on YouTube, sure their parents would be very interested!

Esta3GG · 07/12/2011 20:09

You MUST complain to the school - tis your civic duty!
Some headteachers haven't a clue about the behaviour of their pupils beyond the school gates - or what a truly crappy reputation their school may have locally.
After a nasty gobbing incident (!) involving kids from the quasi-borstal at the end of my street I insisted on having a word with the head. She was appalled and very pro-active in bollocking the wicked little gobbers. She got the police involved too.

PontyMython · 07/12/2011 20:18

Well timed thread for me. I will be emailing our local junior school - which is a fabulous school - to ask that they draw attention to responsible bike use! I am seriously sick of some DCs racing around corners without either slowing down or ringing their bell. My 4yo knows to do this FFS! She has nearly been knocked off her bike before.

We let it go that time, but this morning two boys came speeding round and nearly knocked us over - a lady I walk with had a right go and hopefully shamed them into being more careful next time, but I am still going to tell the school. It's not their responsibility but hopefully they can at least remind their pupils how to behave!

I will obviously also say that most of them are very polite sensible cyclists.

angeltulips · 07/12/2011 20:23

This is not v helpful, but way back when I was at school some girls in our year wrote z fake letter from a "member of the community" praising our school for our exemplary behaviour on public transport. The Head fell for it and read out the letter in assembly ("it is so rare to see such well-behaved schoolgirls, please pass on my congratulations to your students" on and on) and I think we got some sort of reward for it.

She found out later it was a fake bc they'd accidentally picked a (random) address that had a dentist (?) there, which the Head found out when she looked up the address to write a thank you note.

Anyway, yeah you should totally dob the little scrotes in.

Original poster

ShowOfHands · 07/12/2011 20:25

Gosh, there are some thoughtless young people out there.

WhatIsPi btw, middle aged? I'm merely mature.

I won't stand up to them myself, not while I have a 4yo with me because I can't know what the reaction would be.

OP posts:

smokinaces · 07/12/2011 20:27

definitely report it to the school.

I used to get a public bus with a group of 5 or 6 girls. We always sat in the same place. One day we all got hauled into the heads office for practise wolf whistling on the bus on the way home . I am still amazed they managed to identify the 6 of us from the 1000 in the school within 12 hours - but believe me, we kept it down after that!

EverybodysScaryEyed · 07/12/2011 20:30

I emailed a school for similar behaviour - the straw that broke the camels back was when they verbally abused the bus driver.

I never received a reply - and this was one of Tony's cronies and a 'superhead'

and the behaviour didn't improve either!

CreepyCaesar · 07/12/2011 20:34

Yes definitely ring or email.

In Sept this year schools were given official guidance re powers to discipline beyond the school day, the journey to and from school is included in this.

I have travelled on public buses as a member of staff in similar situation. The look on their faces was priceless but also meant I knew who regularly caught the bus.

HTH

Merrylegs · 08/12/2011 14:12

As a ps to this, I do think the insidious nature of 'popular music' these days normalizes the sexual language of young people.

Our local commercial station, Kiss FM is played on most school buses.

This morning I had the pleasure of listening to Nicole Scherinwaster's charming little ditty - 'Right There' featuring 50 Cent, who sings 'I want it in the morning/I rise as the sunrise/baby now get up on it/give it to me good'

and later- 'positions we change/jackpot, backshot/still roughly taken'

whilst Nicole fetchingly croons in a baba voice 'you so good you got me coming/yeah you got me running..'

'And that was 'Right There' and this is KissFm and the time is 8.13!'

YES. 8 bloody 13 am. Not On.

I think it's OK to challenge teenage school children directly about their language. Chances are they will not have even registered your existence and will be very surprised when they realise they are being listened to.

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