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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that wearing makeup is MY choice and I should never have listened to DH!

43 replies

WhoopsyLa · 07/12/2011 11:49

I used to wear makeup almost daily...not a lot...but I liked it...and it made me feel good. I liked the cosmetics and putng them on etc....I was never the kind who couldn't go out without makeup....just like to wear it generally.

Anyway...after having DC DH kpt saying little comments about it...about me looking better without and that I had too much on etc....I am very good at applying it...I am honestly....not dlusional at all and have had lessons as a younger woman....people always admired how I can make it look very natural.

So I mostly began to not wear it as I was paranoid that I looked overloaded and fake.

I have a few broken blood vessels though and am very pale...so today, feeling crappy I decided to apply concealor and powder...blusher and mascara and am astounded at how much more like ME I feel, I have always liked makeup and it makes me happy...I am annoyed that for the last three or so years I hav been walking about with none on except occasionally on nights out....I feel cheated! I am so much happier and my skin looks clearer....AIBU to think he was abit of a wanker to do this to me?? Or is it my own fault for listening to him?

Do DHs or DPs ever have a right to say whether you should wear it or not??

OP posts:
eurochick · 07/12/2011 11:51

I think they are entitled to express an opinion as they have to look at you but you are entitled to ignore it and do what you like.

I always wear make up bar the occasional slobby Sunday and don't feel ready to face the world without it.

SenoritaViva · 07/12/2011 11:52

Just move on, you've decided to change back to how you used to be. Your DH is allowed to have his opinions - maybe you shouldn't have listened! Don't hold it against him.

fuzzynavel · 07/12/2011 11:52

YANBU

He's a wanker and no he doesn't have the right to tell you whether to wear make-up or not.

EmpireBiscuit · 07/12/2011 11:52

DH has the right to offer me his opinion but never to tell me what to do.

I love make up too - wear whatever makes you feel more comfortable!

diddl · 07/12/2011 11:53

I think they have a right to an opinion-up to you if you do anything about it though.

Do you wear more than you think, though?

Pootles2010 · 07/12/2011 11:53

How is he a wanker? He said what he thought, he didn't tell her what to do! OP i'd go with what makes you happy.

Crosshair · 07/12/2011 11:54

My Dh says he doesnt care but prefers the make up free look. Im too lazy to wear it, so its not an issue for us. He does always make an effort to say Im looking good even when I feel like a mess.

It does sound wrong that your dh made you feel bad about something that gives you a boost and makes you happy.

LaurieFairyCake · 07/12/2011 11:55

In this house dh is allowed to express an opinion about how gorgeous I look if he wants a loving and active sex life Wink

Negative comments about clothes/appearance etc are not welcomed or ever given.

WorraLiberty · 07/12/2011 11:55

All he said was you look better without it and you had too much on

I don't think that makes him a wanker. It's not like he tried to 'ban you from wearing it' or anything.

If you like wearing it, you shouldn't let anything anyone says put you off.

Thingumy · 07/12/2011 11:55

Partners have the right to say whether they prefer you with or without make up but it's ultimately your decision on what you do with your own face.

It was YOUR choice not to wear make-up for the past 3 years.

valiumredhead · 07/12/2011 11:55

YABU to have cared what he thought in the first place. It doesn't make him a wanker to express the opinion that he likes you with no make up though, it's not like he told you not to wear any. If he comes home tonight and gives out to you about what you have on THEN there is a problem.

Original poster
WhoopsyLa · 07/12/2011 11:57

they have to look at you Hmm

OP posts:
OneHandFlapping · 07/12/2011 11:57

My Dh can't even tell the difference between no make up and natural coloured make up.

You wear what makes you feel good. If he keeps going on about it, it is verging on controlling.

poppercondria · 07/12/2011 11:59

If you'd been the sort of person who doesn't wear make-up, and he suggested you wear some, then he's a wanker. The other way around doesn't seem like a problem.

Original poster
WhoopsyLa · 07/12/2011 11:59

No Diddl honestly...I am not imagining it or seeing something different...I apply it in a natural light too.

OP posts:
Original poster
WhoopsyLa · 07/12/2011 12:01

It's just he ALWAYS had a comment to make about it when I wore it.

OP posts:
fuzzynavel · 07/12/2011 12:03

DH KEPT SAYING little comments about it

AIBU to think he was abit of a wanker to do this to me??

Yep, the wanker bit still stands in my book.

Hardgoing · 07/12/2011 12:04

YABU for having listened and then taken action that didn't make you feel like you. I do wonder if your husband was being a bit undermining in those comments, though, one comment 'I love you without make-up on' is fine, but where did you get the idea you looked overdone and false from, I hope not from him?

Certainly go back to wearing make-up every day, I do (except Sundays) and I don't think about what my husband thinks about it, any more than he worries what I think about whether he grows a beard/cuts his hair/buys new clothes. He likes it if I like how he looks, but he doens't do things to 'please' me or rather, in your case, stop displeasing me.

fuzzynavel · 07/12/2011 12:05

Bit of a control freak springs to mind here.

poppercondria · 07/12/2011 12:05

Ahhh, I see. One comment along the lines of 'Darling you're so stunning you don't need make-up - I love the way you look without it' is good. A constant trickle of, "Are you wearing mascara again? You look like a panda', also makes him a wanker.

DoesNotGiveAFig · 07/12/2011 12:05

If your DH systematically destroyed your confidence in your make up applying abilities and how good it looked, he's a wanker. Many snippy comments over time will wear you down. Maybe he's unaware of this?

Crosshair · 07/12/2011 12:05

If he brings it up again, tell him how it makes you feel. Discuss it and hopefully come to a compromise you're both happy with?

WorraLiberty · 07/12/2011 12:06

What do you mean by....

they have to look at you Hmm

Was that a quote from a post on this thread?

DoesNotGiveAFig · 07/12/2011 12:06

None of my DH's business how much slap I choose to wear, and he wouldn't make negative comments unless it was to save me embarrassment (ie "you've a great streak of foundation on your cheek you forgot to rub in")

Iodine · 07/12/2011 12:07

My exP used to tell me I "looked like a clown" when I wore make up. I wear hardly anything, I think at the time he said it I was wearing a very light foundation (that matched my skin tone), a very pale eye shadow and mascara.

Now I'm free of him I can see it was just another way of manipulating me so my confidence was at rock bottom and therefore wouldn't even think of looking at another man.

If make-up makes you feel more normal and confident go for it!

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