to think DH has taken a massive liberty here

[cookingwithgas]

Before we had the younger DCs, DH went on a ski trip with friends from work in winter. This happened about 4/5 years running. It cost around £300 if I remember correctly - sometimes more like £400. They sometimes got a coach across Europe, sometimes flew, sometimes stayed in chalets and sometimes in hostels. Not always the same people (DH has worked there for nearly ten years), but generally the same vague 'circle'.

Then we had our twin DDs (have older DS), and DH didn't go that year as I needed the help. The next year DS was recovering from surgery, the next year nobody arranged a ski trip. Last month DH came home all excited because someone was arranging one again this year. Many of the same crowd, sounds a lot of fun.

Now, we haven't gone abroad as a family of five. This year our 'big' holiday was easter half-term, we spent 4 days in Butlins (had a great time). Dh had to work most of the summer holidays. My best friend and I spent four days in Edinburgh in September - my half was £400 altogether, and Dh was very kind in taking time off work to have the DCs and encouraging me to go (my best friend has now moved abroad). So I was really pleased that DH had the opportunity to go on a ski trip.

We briefly discussed me coming too (I said not this year for childcare reasons, plus I am not very good at skiing), and I encouraged him to sign up right away. I didn't mention money specifically which in hindsight was dumb but I assumed it would be around the same pricepoint as always. I DID say "I think you should go for it if we can afford it".

I was in his online banking just now checking a transaction had gone through (we both have access to each other's accounts and have a seperate joint one), and there was a transaction out for £800!!!

£800 is a significant amount of money to us. Our car cost that much. We recently agonised over lending MIL £2000 (she really needed it), and DH had to extend his overdraft to do so. We don't have any extra left at the end of any month, let alone in winter.

But even if £800 was money we could easily afford to spend, it's still loads, isn't it?

I called DH right away and he said he "thought we'd had the discussion about how much it cost". I said I thought that £800 was way too much money to make a unilateral decision about and he agreed and apologised.

AIBU in thinking he took a massive liberty in not spelling out to me how much more than 'usual' it was going to cost?

£800 for a skiing holiday is not unreasonable, but if you are already overdrawn then YANBU, he is defnitely out of order. Why spend money he doesn't have? I'd be very angry with my DH if he did this.

I think if I were you the conversation would have gone something like this_

Yes its nice that your friends are going skiing again but oweing to to the fact we lent your mother 2 GRAND Im afraid you wont be able to accompany them. Sorry dear

I would seriously go mental if my dh wanted to spend £800 a couple of weeks before xmas.

Get him told.

I agree with ilovepigs.

Where did the £800 come from - was it savings, part of the overdraft etc?

The decision that stands out for me here is that you went into debt (because that's what an overdraft is) in order to lend money to your MIL, and that there doesn't appear to be a repayment plan into place with her. So effectively, you've given away £2k that you didn't have in the first place.

You then spent over £1k together on two separate holidays you couldn't afford.

There's a pattern of poorly thought out financial decisions here that you need to address with your DH before it goes out of hand. Nevermind whether this holiday is £400 or £800, you couldn't afford it and yet you both felt it was ok to go ahead. You need to start thinking of a plan to recover the £3k you just spent (including agreeing a solid repayment plan with MIL) and how you're going to budget holidays for the whole family in the future. I think you've both been a bit naive here.

With regards to the holiday, what's done is done, but start planning properly for the future.

YANBU, to all those saying £800 is reasonable, we are going skiing in Austria in Feb/March and have found cheap enough deals to do it for £400 each including ski pass, flights, accommodation, food, transfer from airport etc. So £800 would pay for both of us! This close to Christmas I'd be livid!

Given what you've said about finances £800 is simply too much to spend on anything non-essential. If we were restricting our DS to a total £100 of presents and had no savings plus a substantial overdraft and DH decided to spend £800 on something for himself, I would be beyond furious. I know it's a bit more nuanced in your case as you sort of had discussed it but I'm still baffled that he thought £800 was appropriate in the circumstances.

Ciske we have some money in ISAs. We didn't want to take it out.

My trip with my BF was in September, we lent MIL the money a couple of weeks ago. She needed it urgently and will pay us back if/when she can but TBH she's family and we helped her because we wanted to.

duckdodgers the 2k overdraft was just before payday. Payday brought it down and then the £800 has ramped it back up. We would've paid off the overdraft by Feb payday, now will be march or maybe april by my calculations.

We had a trip as a family. The younger DCs wouldn't get much out of holidays abroad and we regularly stay with the ILs in Cornwall over the holidays, so I don't feel like the trips we've taken seperately take away from our holiday time as a family really. I don't think we'd go abroad if we could afford it (it's hard with a family of 5), for a while yet,

As Ciske has said too, the decision to lend MIL money which you did not actually have yourself was barmy. I'm very surprised either of you thought any (let alone £800) non-essential expenditure was appropriate after that.

Vicky, we have some money in ISAs. We can take that out if we have to but would rather not. I know that debts cost more than assets but nonetheless wanted to keep the ISAs if poss.

Cooking I know what you mean about savings, in fact sometimes I will run an overdraft or small credit card debt in preference to eating into savings as if there is a concern over job security I would rather have the savings at that time as clearly you can't borrow without a job! (speaks from bitter experience)

In the context that you do have some savings ,the £800 doesn't sound so bad, and it explains why you agreed to the holiday in principle, but I'm afraid I do think he is being selfish spending that amount on himself.

Wow, £800 sounds like stonking value for a skiing holiday to me.

I'm not surprised ppl wanted something nicer if the previous ones were £400. I can only imagine the level of accomodation.

In the grandscale of things, I can see why you are a bit peeved but at the same time I don't think it's THAT bad.

Well sorry, but your drip feeding is a tad annoying. If you have money in savings and are choosing not to use it (either to lend your MIL or for this holiday) and are choosing to economise rather than having to etc then no, I don't blame your DH for going skiing when he has the opportunity and you can in fact afford it.