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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be frothing berserker about DD2 and babysitting

45 replies

LetmethinkNO · 07/12/2011 09:04

I had an email from a friend asking for a babysitter last night while other mother and I went to book group on our road. Took DD round then we went off to group. Afterwards I went to go home with other mother to collect her, but OM said - oh no my husband will be home by now, she'll have gone home, which she had.

I am livid. DD is 13 and had walked the half mile home, but without telling DH she was on her way. If anything had happened it would have been 2 hours until anyone knew she was missing.

Order of lividness. DD for not telling her Dad she was on way. Babysitting Dad for sending her off withourt checking there was someone home- DH would have walked to collect her if he'd known. Other mother for not mentioning that her husband would be home- I'd have told DD to tell Dad she was on her way.

I know the chances of her not getting home safely are miniscule- but I am frothing berserker about it.

OP posts:

TroublesomeEx · 07/12/2011 09:40

babysat

Original poster

LetmethinkNO · 07/12/2011 09:40

Sirzy and Lula

Yes to handling the cold caller and emergency medical situation. Other mother and me were both in the same street and were her first point of call- she had both numbers.

I know the mother through the bloody bookclub, so have spent several evenings with her. I think having her sit in the house, knowing we could be there within 2 minutes was fine.

OP posts:

Lulabellarama · 07/12/2011 09:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Mum1369 · 07/12/2011 09:41

No way. The 'adult' should have ensured she had someone to walk her home. Not her fault. 10 o clock, in the dark. You have got to be kidding. I would have been LIVID

Sirzy · 07/12/2011 09:41

You know her so well you don't even know she is married!!

Does the child know your daughter at all? Or if he had woken up would he have had a strange child there to comfort him?

NinkyNonker · 07/12/2011 09:41

Definitely yanbu.

mummytime · 07/12/2011 09:43

I would never have a 13 year old babysit (14 is my minimum age). I would give any babysitter a lift home/ pay for a taxi unless they had their own car (or at least offer if they are over 18 ish). The one who lived 6 doors from us, I used to watch her walk home.

Moominsarescary · 07/12/2011 09:45

Yanbu

Original poster

LetmethinkNO · 07/12/2011 09:47

But I wouldn't leave a 13yo in charge of my kids unless they were savvy enough to get themselves half a mile home safely

The irony is she did of course get herself home safely and was completely unfazed by the situation. I just feel that it was very careless of the other parents and that to leave her in a situation where no one knew where she was in the event of a very very unlikely incident was cavalier.

OP posts:

wannaBe · 07/12/2011 09:51

iirc it is illegal for a child to babysit until they are fourteen. (we're not talking children being left at home alone for which there are no legal bounds, only guidelines, but children babysitting other peoples' children.)

so op - yabu to be allowing your daughter to babysit illegally for a family she does not know.

The family are bu to be allowing a child to babysit for them illegally.

There should have been specific arrangements wrt this child getting home - arrangements that were agreed between you and your daughter. It's just not good enough to make assumptions that someone will get her home/that she will ring for a lift/taxi without you having had a prior discussion about it.

No I wouldn't want a thirteen year old to be walking home alone late at night, hell I don't like walking home alone at night and I'm 37, but I think the point here really is that your dd shouldn't have been in the position in the first place tbh.

Original poster

LetmethinkNO · 07/12/2011 09:52

Sirzy You seem to be more cross about this than me.

You're right though- not being fussed about the child coming down to a stranger/ not ensuring that everyone knows what the arrangement is- all a bit flakey.

OP posts:

Bramshott · 07/12/2011 09:53

Glad she got home safely Letme. I think I'd just be tempted next time to (a) make sure DD2 knows that she needs to text her dad to come and get her; and (b) make sure that the people she's babysitting for (BOTH) know that that's the arrangement, and that you're not happy for her to go home alone. If the parent in question only has a 5 year old, a 13 year old probably seems like practically an adult!

Original poster

LetmethinkNO · 07/12/2011 09:57

wannabe The arrangement was unambiguous. I would collect my daughter.

OP posts:

Original poster

LetmethinkNO · 07/12/2011 10:11

I've just checked the email she sent re babysitting and she mentions 'your daughter' DD2 has an older sister and she was perhaps frothing berserker when I turned up with the 13 year old, not the 15yo she was expecting.

Lesson learnt- be explicit.

OP posts:

PrettyCandlesAndTinselToo · 07/12/2011 10:16

A 13yo is perfectly competent to either handle most situations inside the home, or to call for help if she can't. Aggressive cold-callers are easily dealt with by not answering the door or phone. It's not their job to answer door or phone. But no 13yo should be sent to walk home unaccompanied through London streets at night, especially not without her parents knowing that she is on her way.

I'm a Londoner, and I babysat a lot from 13 onwards. I did not always know the family, but they were always friends of my parents or friends of friends. I never went home on my own, not even when I babysat around the corner from my home. A parent, mine or the babysat's, always took me home.

AgentProvocateur · 07/12/2011 10:19

I think it's fine to expect a 13 year old to walk half a mile at 10pm, but that's my mental (and random!) cut-off time. When my DC were that ago, 10pm was their curfew. What time does your DD have to be home at if she's at a friend's house?

ShellyBoobs · 07/12/2011 10:21

iirc it is illegal for a child to babysit until they are fourteen.

yri - there's no legal minimum age for babysitting.

If the sitter is

Original poster

LetmethinkNO · 07/12/2011 10:33

AP curfew is negotiated ad hoc- and will depend on who she's with and if she's alone, we'll walk up to the bus stop and meet her off the bus. Similarly if friends are round I'll always run them home in the dark, or DD will walk them back with the dog. As I said it was all ok, but there were too many assumptions made.

Prettycandles sums up what I feel, and putting the babysitting to one side what effectively happened was that I went to collect my thirteen year old to find she wasn't there.

OP posts:

DeWe · 07/12/2011 10:57

If the dad didn't know her then he probably assumed she was older having babysat for him.

Original poster

LetmethinkNO · 07/12/2011 10:59

DeWe, I'm sure you're right.

Not so cross now, and will ensure that DDs know to confirm plans/ let us know where they are- not assume that adults will have thought things through.

OP posts:

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