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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ainu to be less than100% honest

26 replies

quandarymomma · 06/12/2011 23:21

namechanged,regular.

ds has the opportunity to apply for some additional help re university, based on various critera. he fits all of them bar 'neither parent has been to university' (it's to do with widened participation)

neither me or his (completely absent, non supportive in any way shape or form ever) father went to uni. however my new partner did.

there isn't anywhere on the form to say that my partner is not his dad and has only moved in fairly recently (in the scheme of things) it asks for the occupation of the main wage earner (he is n ot working in a professional career now and has a low wage. so, wibu to not mention that my (relatively new although hopefully permanent) partner has a degree.

I don't feel comfortable lying, I don't feel comfortable missing out on his opportunity because when ds was 13 I met someone else. I've looked at the ways round it and there isn't one (on the form)

wwyd. I suspect he'd be rejected right off if they knew dp had a degree in the initial 'sift' iyswim.

Awaits flaming.

OP posts:
MissMerrynder · 06/12/2011 23:23

It specifically says "parent"?

Original poster
quandarymomma · 06/12/2011 23:24

when I say 'all criteria' neither parent has been to uni but it is asking about the main earner in the house. doesn't ask how long that person has lived their, if they have parental responsibility for the kid or if they are a lodger even. there is nowhere to add extra info as it's an online form.

OP posts:
culturevulture · 06/12/2011 23:24

Well neither of his parents have gone to University so I wouldn't feel that it was lying.

Original poster
quandarymomma · 06/12/2011 23:24

yes, parent. but the. asks about main earner (who is dp) and seems to assume that person is parent.

OP posts:
IneedAChristmasNickname · 06/12/2011 23:25

Is there no-one you could phone? Does DS have a different surname to DP, and therefore they might notice he is not the Father? Is there no 'additional information' space? Ummm, can't think of anything else, and I have no idea what I would do, probably not mention DPs degree, as it says the parents can't have been to uni, and dp is not the Dad.

(hope that makes sense, need to go to bed really)

MissMerrynder · 06/12/2011 23:25

I thought that was going to be clear cut, but the definition is woolly :(

par·ent (pârnt, pr-)
n.

  1. One who begets, gives birth to, or nurtures and raises a child; a father or mother.
  2. An ancestor; a progenitor.
  3. An organism that produces or generates offspring.
  4. A guardian; a protector.
  5. A parent company.
  6. A source or cause; an origin
MissMerrynder · 06/12/2011 23:26

I would say neither parent has been to University. It wouldn't be lying at all.

Original poster
quandarymomma · 06/12/2011 23:27

they have different names, he was a teen when we got together.

OP posts:
EdithWeston · 06/12/2011 23:30

If DP is the adult featuring in the income section, then he is in a parent role and I think his educational background could well be considered relevant (especially as it seems he has been involved with DS for most of his secondary years, so DS has indeed had a degree holder around during important years of his education).

I think the best thing you can do now is ring up the organisers of the scheme and find out what their criteria are. Then whatever goes on the form will be in accordance with the intentions of the scheme, your conscience will e clear, and whatever the outcome your DS will have had the positive benefit of seeing integrity in action.

ImperialBlether · 06/12/2011 23:31

I am an A2 Personal Tutor and oversee UCAS applications and write references etc.

I think you're reading FAR too much into this.

It won't have an impact on your son at all. Put whatever you like, the offer made will be the same.

Nobody will check up on you. Nobody will hunt you down for saying whatever you do say. If you consider your partner to be your son's step father, rather than just your partner, then answer Yes and put his job title. Otherwise, put No. That is, of course if your partner earns more than you. If you earn more, it's your job that gets entered.

But really, don't lose sleep over it.

slavetofilofax · 06/12/2011 23:32

What is the exact wording?

I don't think it would be lying to say that neither parent had been to university. But it would be lying to say the household's main wage earner had never been to uni.

ImperialBlether · 06/12/2011 23:34

Isn't the question: "Have either of your parents or step parents been to university?" Hard to remember, this time of night. In your position, I would answer No, because I'd be referring to myself.

And: "State the job title of the person who earns the most in the household"? If you have a joint account, I'd put your DP - just seen he earns the most - if you don't, put your own job.

squeakytoy · 06/12/2011 23:35

I dont think it is lying. I dont see that your partner really has any relevance on the form. He isnt even a step-parent.

Original poster
quandarymomma · 06/12/2011 23:36

I feel like 14 years of slog, a 4mth mat leave before going back ft, working 2jobs to save up for my home counts for nowt because dp went to uni. he was already at secondary school and doing really well, it's based on living in a low uni uptake area, no parents with degree or equivalent, low income family, good grades and attendance and a personal statement from school, followed by an interview, I don't think he can get to the interview with dps degree though. and dp is not her father.

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 06/12/2011 23:36

Of COURSE he wouldn't be rejected, just because your partner went to university!

I always thought that information was just for statistical evidence in favour of widening participation, rather than referring specifically to that student.

ImperialBlether · 06/12/2011 23:37

Your son will be made an offer based on his GCSE grades, his predicted A level grades, his personal statement and his reference. Your partner has nothing whatsoever to do with the university's decision.

ImperialBlether · 06/12/2011 23:39

OP, please trust me on this. You seem to be worried unduly.

Original poster
quandarymomma · 06/12/2011 23:39

I don't work. the benefits of the program are a grand a year, a slightly lower offer and help doing the application form.
it's 'dots' to click and yes or no answers, and it is parent. and then 'the main earner' not 'your parent or step parent'

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 06/12/2011 23:42

OK this isn't UCAS then?

So you say NO to parents having a degree.

Under main earner, I would put your partner's wage if he's lived there more than a few months. He's on a low wage anyway, so it won't make any difference to this. If he's only just moved in, then I would put "Unemployed."

ImperialBlether · 06/12/2011 23:42

I assume this is some sort of bursary offered by the university?

Original poster
quandarymomma · 06/12/2011 23:44

yes, and a program,me for local kids

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 06/12/2011 23:45

How long has your partner lived with you? Is he on the electoral register?

Original poster
quandarymomma · 06/12/2011 23:49

he's on electoral roll, 3 years.

OP posts:
EdithWeston · 07/12/2011 00:46

So there have been several years of the degree educated adult in the household?

So the coaching programme is for local kids who don't have a degree holder in their household now? You want your DC to have this benefit, despite having something the applicants the coaching programme was actually designed for (ie a degree educated person, who therefore does not need university demystifying) do not have?

Even the title of the thread suggest you know this is wrong. You know it's less than honest.

Showing your DC integrity is a far more important lesson than cheating onto a coaching programme.

Do the honest thing - ring up, find out eligibility in your circumstances (you might be lucky). Preserve your integrity. Set a good example.

TheSecondComing · 07/12/2011 09:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.