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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fuming and slightly upset...

20 replies

Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast · 06/12/2011 16:34

Well slightly upset as in ruddy annoyed!!

Some of you may remember my posts about the bother i had with my BIL and SIL, well tomorrow is their DS's 1st birthday.

Because we no longer speak, because of the hatred and evilness he spouted from his gob but despite this i sent a citylink parcel today with their DS's birthday present, card and christmas gifts all in one box, as it has nothing to do with the child.

I tracked the parcel at lunch and noted it had been refused, called up citylink who told me that indeed it had been refused at the delivery address, the box had my name at the top of it, with the sender details.

Citylink have said it will be returned to me, so fine, my DS can have it, but AIBU to think they were petty about not accepting a child's gifts? I assume also that means my DS isn't going to receive a card or anything for christmas or his upcoming birthday?

OP posts:

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 06/12/2011 16:36

Did you honestly expect them to accept it? really, truly, deep down?

Sparklingbaubles · 06/12/2011 16:36

I don't know the back story Lisa, but that is so sad. Refusing a child's first birthday present?

OldGreyWassailTest · 06/12/2011 16:37

Well, you quite clearly won't be getting an olive branch for your Christmas pressie this year !

Sparklingbaubles · 06/12/2011 16:37

Looks like I need to know the back story then......

AurraSing · 06/12/2011 16:38

I don't know the background, but at least you now know the score.

Maybe everyone will calm down in the new year?

Sirzy · 06/12/2011 16:40

Impossible to say without knowing the story.

I have some people who I would refuse presents from as relations are beyond being repaired by a parcel as sad as that is it happens.

Original poster

Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast · 06/12/2011 16:40

Well probably not, but i thought with it being a child's gift they might, i didn't want to be mean and give the child nowt for christmas or his 1st birthday because of the fallout with them, i didn't think this was fair?

Backstory is my BIL, DH's bro and us fell out a couple of months ago, as he was slagging off my little boy about having ginger hair, and then said because my DH was dark that if it was him, he'd not believe it was his. And loads of other crap to do with me being a snob and a troublemaker...blah blah blah!!

He's also an abusive dick head.

OP posts:

overmydeadbody · 06/12/2011 16:43

Oh dear.

Tinselrella · 06/12/2011 16:46

He sounds charming.

To be fair, was it obvious that it was their son's birthday present you were sending? They could have assumed it was something else from you and refused it not realising.

Sparklingbaubles · 06/12/2011 16:47

Bet the Citilink courier was a bit .

SnapesMistressofMerriment · 06/12/2011 16:51

They sounds bonkers and you are well shot IMO. Still a bit sad about your DN but try not to dwell. If he wants to come looking when he is older and sick of his horrible parents then you will see him then.

BluddyMoFo · 06/12/2011 16:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MigratingChestnutsOnAnOpenFire · 06/12/2011 16:54

well, you can't say you didn't try.

I'd leave it at that if I were you.

Original poster

Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast · 06/12/2011 16:59

Yeah i have, i won't send anything else again, i just thought it was a nice gesture.

I'm sure they would have known it was for his birthday it was a large-ish box, which i'd sent next day delivery, so it would be here for it tomorrow.

I probably knew it was likely and as i know i don't want to see his parents i probably should have known better.

Bad me

OP posts:

ladyintheradiator · 06/12/2011 17:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ViviPrudolf · 06/12/2011 17:01

At least your brother didn't race up your drive at 50mph almost crashing, pound on your door, and when you open it, throw the parcel at you with such a force you almost fell over before shouting abuse and storming off.

I sympathise OP - and know how impossible it can be when trying to do the right thing by DNs when you have a toxic sibling. You did the right thing by sending it, and they've now made their position clear, and as Snapes says, you may be lucky enough to build a relationship with your nephew in the future.

Chin up :)

Original poster

Lisatheonewhoeatsdrytoast · 06/12/2011 17:03

Thank you everyone, i thought i'd put it to the MN panel

OP posts:

JjingleBeanplusPudalltheway · 06/12/2011 17:27

I understand your hurt etc.

I have a total nightmare of bil and sil, sil being the root of all evil, she spread vile rumours about us with her parting sentence being, we "don't deserve to be parents and our kids would be better off dead." For no reason what so ever. We return anything sent from them, they're poison and we'd rather forget they existed. It might seem petty but I can't bear the children to have any knowledge of them. And we know the gifts are sent in a "aren't we generous" manipulative way.

Ofc I don't know your situation but it seems your doing it as a caring aunt so rise above and ignore. So people especially ils are bloody mad!

Triggles · 06/12/2011 17:54

I understand both sides - why you're hurt and why they probably refused it.

We fell out with my SIL last year, and she sent Christmas present through MIL for our children. We honestly debated returning them, as we didn't want to seem like hypocrites - you know, "we aren't speaking to you but will take presents you send" kind of thing. But DH pointed out that first of all, the presents weren't for US, they were for the children, who had nothing to do with the argument, and it would upset MIL and make her very uncomfortable. So we let the children have the presents. It can be a bit sticky when family squabbles, to be sure.

floweryblue · 06/12/2011 19:47

Lisa, I once read about someone on here who had a relative who had never actually given them a gift. No idea if there was a back story but the relative set up a savings account where they put what they would have spent on a gift for each occasion, the person then was given the savings book on their 18th or 21st. (Can't really remember the details). If you feel there is a possibility of a future relationship with your DN, maybe you could do similar.

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