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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its time to go back to work?

13 replies

Moulesfrites · 06/12/2011 16:09

I am coming towards the end of a year of maternity leave and have been breaking my heart at the thought of leaving my ds. However, this afternoon he filled his nappy and I was so excited as it gave me something to do!

I do lots of activities with him, we go to music and swimming lessons and playgroup but even with one activity a day I still sometimes feel like there is a lot of time to kill in the house, reading playing and singing. My repertoire of nursery rhymes needs some more variety! Now that it had got so cold a long walk isn't as attractive a prospect. There is plenty of stuff to do in the house, piles of ironing and presents to wrap, but I find it quite impossible to get anything done when ds is awake as he is everywhere and needs to be watched all the time.

But I feel a bit guilty saying this, as if I am not really cut out to be a mum if I am a bit bored at this early stage?

OP posts:
OrmIrian · 06/12/2011 16:12

Yes, it's time to go back to work. No-one is obliged to really enjoy all the stages of parenthood and for some of us the baby stuff is a bit dull and frustrating. That doesn't make you a bad mother or an inadequate human being or anything else of that sort. I always loved my children to bits but I started to really enjoy them once they reached about 3, and it gets better and better IMO.

SydneyB · 06/12/2011 16:13

Don't feel guilty, it just isn't for everyone. Some people love it, others can't bear it. Don't beat yourself up about it. I am about to put DS into preschool 5 mornings a week although I only work 3 days a week and am hyperventilating at the thought of some time to myself. I just don't do playing with small children very well and I know I'm a better Mum and can engage with it all much better when I've been at work or had time to myself. It's all about balance.

Hardgoing · 06/12/2011 16:13

Moulesfrites not sure this is remotely unreasonable, caring for one child at home can be a hard and rather lonely experience, the days are so loooooong.

I'm not sure if you are planning to return to work at the end of maternity leave, but it sounds like you'd like to, but feel a bit guilty about it (as well as worried about leaving him). Personally, if you have an interesting career and you want to return, why not? (amazing you had a whole year maternity too). Equally, there's no 'ought' about it unless you need the money.

Being ambivalent about going back to work (and a bit excited) is normal. It doesn't make you a bad mum.

Icelollycraving · 06/12/2011 16:22

Well tbh you sound like you do a lot with him! I am at home with my ds who is 5 months. I have been looking for like minded mums but they appear to be rarer than hen's teeth where I am. All the baby groups tend to be for 2+ or for the cultural diversity of the area,basically not me. I will probably go back so that he can mix at nursery & I get out of the home. I literally see my dh & baby.
The way I see it is it's about being the best parent YOU can be,not what others think is. If going back to work will give you yourself back,then go for it!

chocoroo · 06/12/2011 16:33

I vocally disliked a lot of things about maternity leave, even though I did as you have and did at least one activity a day with her. So many people looked at me as though I was crazy when I said I found maternity leave pretty dull and only really enjoyed the later months of it. I also found I had similar frsutrations to you in that I wasn't able to get anything done house-wise while DD was around.

My DD is almost 10 months and I have been back at work a month tomorrow. I can honestly say that it's the best thing for both of us. DD has settled into nursery well and seems to be getting a lot out of the massive range of activities they do. She's learnt to clap along to some songs, eats really well and waves us off every morning. I'm a new woman too - I've got a new eneryg for work and home and I'm enjoying DD so much more in the evenings and at weekends. I look forward to cuddles and playtime. I do have little wobbles every now and again that I'm missing out but they're largely driven by worrying about what others think of me. I'm lucky to be in a workplace with lots of working mother's, who have a flexible approach to work.

In short, YANBU. Being a mother is not about being present with your child 100% of the time, it's about making the most of the time you do have together.

Original poster
Moulesfrites · 06/12/2011 18:32

Thank you. When I'm back at work in a few weeks time and questioning if I have done the right thing I will remember the day I was excited about a poo!

OP posts:
MrsWifty · 06/12/2011 20:59

OP, definitely NBU. You also sound like you're doing loads more than I do with my 8-mo-old DS. He's just started crawling, and I'm telling myself it's time to back off and let him explore his world on his own a bit while I take the watchful eye role, but really it's because I'm running out of inspiration. Although DS is becoming more fun every week, he's also harder work and I'm thinking that, like chocoroo we'll both be better off taking a break from each other for a bit and coming back batteries recharged.

Original poster
Moulesfrites · 06/12/2011 21:05

Yes, it's the watchful eye thing that I feel guilty about when I'm in the house - there's only so much enthusiasm I can muster for stacking up his cups for the tenth time that afternoon, so I am more inclined to leave him to it as you say, while I go on mumsnetpotter around doing little jobs. But then I feel bad that I am not stimulating him enough.

OP posts:
rookiemater · 06/12/2011 21:07

Oh gawd no, I was desperate to get back to work when DS was 10 months and insisted in oversharing with my all male team the delights of being able to shut the door when I was on the toilet.

It's different now he is 5, I'd love to be able to pick him up from school every day, but its just not possible.

letmehelp · 06/12/2011 21:07

YA so NBU! I decided it was time to go back to work when DS1 was about 8 months and I found myself in Tesco dithering over what colour washing up liquid to buy, like it was the most important decision in the world.

I worked varying hours for the next 10 years (and had another DC). I finally became a SAHM in August after redundancy and I enjoyed it much more than I did when they were small, it's great to be there when they can interact properly. That said, although I wasn't looking for work, I jumped at the chance to do 16 hours pw when it was offered, so I'll be back in Jan.

Megastar · 06/12/2011 21:18

I am maternity leave and i am definately ready to go back to work. I return at the end of January. I need to be ME again and not just DD and DS mum, i'm not sure I even have a name at the moment:). It is always about balance and having time away means you appreciate the time you have with them!

MrsWifty · 06/12/2011 22:08

Megastar - God, me time . . . what's that again?

Actually, for many reasons which I usually trot out to justify myself, but which I am not going to here as I don't need to! - DS is going to nursery for half a day a week starting from this Thursday. I am almost giddy with excitement at the prospect of all the things I can do. Sleep! The cinema! Haircut! Sleep! Go for a run! Have a long bath! Sleep! Did I mention sleep?

Megastar · 08/12/2011 10:24

Good on you, enjoy it, you deserve it!

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