Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think dh having this much to spend on himself per week is too much?

31 replies

milkysmum · 06/12/2011 14:46

WE have two small children, i am currently on maternity leave so money at the moment is pretty tight. We pay both our wages into the joint account to cover household expenses. DH then has £50 per week to spend on himself. I think this exessive given how tight money is at the moment and when I do go back to work in the summer will be reducing my hours to part time now we have two little ones (full time nursery for both would wipw out my entire wage!). dh is a bricklayer so money variable and pretty crap in current economic climate and in pooe weather. He thinks £50 is reasonable to cover his smoking( a bone of contention between us), snooker with the lads once a week and other bits and bobs? So maybe it's not alot and i am being unreasonable I'm just not sure.
apoligies for terrible typing am currently bfing ds and doing this one handed!

OP posts:
ShatnersBassoon · 06/12/2011 14:48

Of course it's too much if you can't afford it. He's BU for smoking when you have very little spare cash at the very least.

£50 doesn't seem like a huge amount to cover day-to-day spending, but I would be pissed off if we were strapped for cash and DH was spending on rubbish like fags.

valiumredhead · 06/12/2011 14:48

How much do you have spare every week?

samandi · 06/12/2011 14:49

How much do you get to spend on yourself per week?

Pootles2010 · 06/12/2011 14:49

Well... it's about what i allow myself each week. However, I can afford it! I know my wage is constant, and dp has about same.

I'm assuming you're not spending this much yourself? If you aren't, then I agree with you, it's not fair.

samandi · 06/12/2011 14:49

Seems like a lot of smoking around someone who is pregnant?

SantasENormaSnob · 06/12/2011 14:49

It's all relative really.

Depends on your income.

What do you get?

samandi · 06/12/2011 14:50

Or with a small baby even - sorry trying to multi-task and misread :-)

effingwotsits · 06/12/2011 14:51

If you can't afford it, it's too much!

LydiaWickham · 06/12/2011 14:58

You're coming at this from the wrong direction.

What's your family monthly income? Take off the bills, work out roughly what you spend on food/petrol each week/month and take that off, make a budget for DCs related things (clothes etc). What's left, try to put 1/3 in savings (understand not always possible!) - divide the rest between the two of you. If he can't afford what he needs out of that, he needs to work out what 'gives' - and if he can't afford to smoke and socialise, he can decide which is more important. He shouldn't be asking you and your DCs to go without in order to fund his lifestyle, and he shouldn't be using 'savings money' for it either. (and you will, at some point in your life, need savings)

Original poster
milkysmum · 06/12/2011 14:59

he would never smoke around the children- out in the shed, washes hands before picking up baby etc. He earns on average £300 per week, when i am working full time about £450 but this will soon drop. I spend very little, couldn'r really put a figure as it's such infrequent spending. would rather spend spare cash on dc's. He is rubbish with money and in the past has spend much more so he see's his 'reduction' to £50 reasonable. When I try to explai household income will be reducing, need to tighten our belts etc. he just replies 'we'll manage don't panic I have to have some spending money....' etc.

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 06/12/2011 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LydiaWickham · 06/12/2011 15:16

Not on - sit down with a spread sheet- all expenses. along with roughly what you spend monthly on food and DCs clothes. Put this against income. Show him what's left, ask him how this should be divided and if he thinks you should have savings. It's not ok for him to put the responsibilty onto you. He can't just decide 'it'll be alright' and not actually look at the figures to be sure. He's not a child.

And give yourself a budget, put that in your own account. Even if you don't spend it, you at least have the savings there for the future.

LydiaWickham · 06/12/2011 15:18

oh and on that, why not say if he earns 'around £300 a week' look at the lower amounts he earns, say you'll base your spending on that and the weeks he earns more, you save the difference? That way if you have a whole month of 'lean weeks' it won't be a problem.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 06/12/2011 15:31

Time and again on here you see women say "I'll be a SAHP because childcare would wipe out my entire wage", usually because they earn less than their husbands (rather than seeing it as wiping out a portion of each person's wage, which should be the case). Well have you considered that he could either go part time or become a SAHD, leaving you free to earn your higher wage and keep the family finances on an even keel?

In any case, YANBU, "spare" money should be split between the two of you. Why should he get bonus money for cigarettes and snooker, if you couldn't afford to do the same??

Original poster
milkysmum · 06/12/2011 15:38

I'm not planning on being a SAHP, just reducing my hours as this is an option in my job ( I'm a community nurse). Working part time not an option for DH, he just would not be employed on a building site part time, effect on other men on site, they work in a 'gang' etc. Before we had DC's dh thought he would like to be a SAHD- until he realised how hard it would be!! It is frustrating as yes I am the higher earner but I do want to be able to spend more time with the DC's so in that respect I am happy to go part time.

OP posts:
mummymeister · 06/12/2011 15:56

He is copping out of the household budgetting process and you are letting him. draw up a budget to show what is spent each week on food, clothes, mortgage/rent etc. show it to him and ask what he would like to cut down on so that he can have his £50 a week pocket money. if there is spare money split it 50/50. if he doesnt like it then let him do the budget and have the worry.

SolidGoldVampireBat · 06/12/2011 16:03

It is not reasonable or fair for only one person in the household to have pocket money to spend. If you let him do this then you are allowing him to think that he is the only person who matters, and that you are a servant or household appliance with no needs of your own.

Laquitar · 06/12/2011 16:11

You say 'he is rubbish with money' but then you say you can't put a figure on how much you spend. You need to write down what you spend, every single coffee, bus fare, everything adds up.

You do a budget, then you get a figure for personal allowance. If thats £100 then £50 each, if it is £70 then £35 each.

If he cant give up smoking then roll ups are much cheaper than cigarettes (I haven't smoked for years and the curent price of cigarettes make me faint). And he needs to find a European friend and order cheap tobbacco from abroad.

Pootles2010 · 06/12/2011 16:24

Hang on - so he's said he doesn't want to be sahd or he can't be sahd? To me if you're higher earner that seems mad?

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 06/12/2011 16:31

Pootles - of course it's not bad. He accepts being a SAHD is too much like hard work, both of them are going out and the OP is going to reduce her hours to spend more time with her kids as she wants to - sounds like a great plan to me.

No one can decide if £50 is too much or too little because it depends entirely on your financial situation. Whatever he has for his 'personal spending' you have the same, put it away to buy something nice later on - you don't have to fritter it away. If you can't afford to take £100 pw out of your account then £50 pw is too much for him.

naturalbaby · 06/12/2011 16:49

it is if you have nothing to spend on yourself and if money is tight i would.

i'm living on as little as possible at the moment but still go out for coffee every now and then and spend £7 on excercise a week (a necessity!). i do spend more than that on myself but it tends to come out of bigger shops like the food shop or when i do a big stock up at superdrug or similar.

carernotasaint · 06/12/2011 17:02

OP why are you saying that the childcare costs would wipe out YOUR entire wage. You should BOTH be contributing towards childcare. HE should be paying something towards it too. Ive lost count of the times ive seen posts on here where the OP and the partner too it seems,seems to think its down to the mother to pay the childcare out of her wage alone.

carernotasaint · 06/12/2011 17:04

Sorry Elephants. I posted before i saw your post. It gets my goat too.

JjingleBeanplusPudalltheway · 06/12/2011 17:08

£50 is more than our weekly shop for a family of four.

YANBU!

SuePurblybiltbyElves · 06/12/2011 17:12

I like the online budget thingy on Moneysavingexpert.

Swipe left for the next trending thread