I think I probably am being deeply unreasonable, but anyway...

[Kveta]

colleague was supposed to return from maternity leave a few weeks back. everything was in place for her return, and she knows we have a load of people leaving soon for various reasons, so very short staffed. She called up on the morning she was meant to be returning to say actually, she wasn't coming back.

Pretty much everyone, although we expected it, is pissed off now. We know it's within her rights and all that, but AIBU to think that if you're making this kind of decision, you can at least give some notice? AIfurtherBU to think that this does not paint working mothers in the best of lights? I have no problem whatsoever with women not returning to work after their children are born - totally understand the decision, even if it is different to mine. It's the lack of notice that pisses me off. I knew at least 2 women whilst I was on maternity leave who did the same thing. 'yes yes, I'm coming back!' then waiting until the date of return and just not returning.

I am probably just angry because there are a few of us in the group who are knocked up and now we are being regarded with suspicion when we say we're intending on returning after mat leave.

well, it doesnt paint working mothers in a bad light as she isnt going to be working!!

And its just possible that she's been stealing herself for this moment and then at the last moment, just couldnt bear it.

But its more likely that she should have thought it through before today and considered how it would leave you all. That would have been the responsible way to go about it.

I'm pretty sure you have to give 28 days notice if you want to change your return date. I know I had to.

But in any case YANBU, I would be full of rage.

I thought you had to give a reasonable amount of notice although I may be wrong in that.

Why would the individual actions of one person paint a whole population of women "in a bad light"? If a working father quits his job it doesn't represent anyone else. Christ, not only are we meant to be individually perfect we also have to represent every other woman at all times? Heavy weight, man.

YANBU.

This isn't a straight question of legality. It's to do with treating other people decently as well. No one should be cornered into making a hurried decision about their return to work, but if you decide you are not then giving your employer as much notice as possible is the sensible and considerate thing to do.

One caveat to this - even if you are unsurprised at her decision, unless you know her really really well you may not be aware of all the relevant factors in making her decision. It is possible that she was genuinely unable to act sooner.

no yanbu.

When I decided I didn't want to go back to work after my maternity leave I went into the office about six weeks before my return date and had a meeting with my boss to discuss it. He wasn't at all surprised at my decision but it was still the considerate thing to do.

I think it's simple consideration for colleagues. Isn't she burning her bridges a bit?

But, can understand that she may have changed her mind at the last minute. Or some other reason that you don't know about perhaps. She may have PND or a family member may be sick..?

YANBU.

I know a few friends who have done this, and I personally think it is shoddy behaviour, and yes, it does have an impact on women in the workforce because once an employer has had this done to them, they are highly likely to hesitate before employing another woman who is possibly going to get pregnant.

YANBU. She was being inconsiderate and rude. Not fair on the company or the other women who work there. Don't know about it being her 'right' or not to do this but it just seems out of order to me.

I guess she had a last minute wobble and just really felt that she couldn't leave her child behind. But yes, major pain for others.

However, its not just returning mothers that do this. In my old working life I advertised a job twice - very well paid job, degree level, fantastic major international company, good benefits, etc, lots of interest. Twice I had someone accept the job and then on the morning they were meant to start they didn't turn up and I had to ring them only to be told they'd changed their minds!

In my old working life, when I left to have DC3 We decided enough was enough and that the best thing for us as a family was for me to become a SAHM (DH works ridiculous hours, no family near etc etc) so did the decent thing and handed my notice in so they could replace me.

The lady in HR spent over half an hour trying to persuade me not to do that, but to take my maternity pay, keep the cash in a high interest account, then just tell them at the last minute I wasn't returning, return my pay and keep the interest! told her I felt this to be dishonest and also letting my former colleagues down who would be hanging on for my return.

No wonder the NHS struggles...

jeez viva, why do people do that?!

I know it's not just returning mothers who behave badly towards colleagues btw, and do understand that there may be mitigating circumstances, but it's just this is the 3rd time I've seen someone do this (in 2 years), so am quite appalled at it. Office politics may have nothing to do with her now altinkum but these are people who have worked with her for years, who supported her during pregnancy, and so I'd have thought she would have at least some consideration for them. Maybe not. Also annoyed at the suspicion directed towards others who are knocked up right now! Me being one of them

wheremymilk that's awful of HR! especially as I have friends working in the NHS who have suffered the same thing, of women suddenly not returning at the last minute. As someone else says, it is burning your bridges too, imagine you apply for another job and need your former employers as referees?!

I always thought it was 28 days notice also. I was intending to rerun but my employers wouldn't allow flexible working hours & told me Xmas eve last year not to return if I couldn't fulfill a 35 hour a week managers role (the job I had before mat leave). I chose to leave the company which gave them 3 months to prepare. This may have been the case with this lady..childcare..etc.