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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

in thinking coming home at 4am is not on....

13 replies

bubbaganoosh · 06/12/2011 07:53

DH went out last night to a compulsary leaving do for his CEO. He has work today so it shouldnt of been a late one but he has a history of not knowing when to stop, always the last up at thebar ordering 3 drinks for himself when it's closing time. He also cant handle his drink..
We have a 12 week DD so I texted him to say 'hope your having a good time, can you be extra quiet when you come in because DD is asleep in the kitchen (we have people staying so are camping downstairs)- this was at about 11.30pm.

He replied saying that he was leaving soon because it was winding up and he would try not to wake DD.

I woke up at 3am (on the nose) to DD crying for her dummy, DH still wasn't home..I called and he picked up, I asked where he was and he said 'at a friends playing the Xbox'- I could hear this in the background and could hear he was drunk.
So I said 'okay, bye and hung up'

He came home at 4am and went to sleep on the sofa, he tried to wake me a bit but I let him know I was unimpressed.

To top it all off, the bloody Whisky was out of the cupboard this morning..?!

He has a history of being very childish and not knowing when to stop and we have come to serious blows over it, almost breaking up as he is so unreliable. Lost phones, torn shirts, ruining the next days plans because he is too hungover.

AIBU? What should I do.. we have been through this before and he still does it, why cant he just have a few, have a good time and call it a day?

OP posts:

molly3478 · 06/12/2011 07:57

Tbh my DH never minds if i come in at 4am and I wouldnt if he did either. That is about a normal time if you go out clubbing,and I do it very regularly (not at mo as pregnant again).

I however dot let it ruin next days plas or lose my phone. I think if you arent able to stay out that late and still act normal next day then maybe your shouldnt do it.

Shutupanddrive · 06/12/2011 08:00

No, it's not on. I hope he isn't driving to work this morning?

PavlovtheCat · 06/12/2011 08:03

If he has work today anyway, then he will be the one suffering with hangover at work, so don't stress too much about it, just don't offer him too much sympathy.

I would be less impressed if I was relying on him for help with baby today, or I had had a particularly bad night and we had agreements that he would help if I needed a break and he was not able to do this.

If DH goes out all night, I am less than sympathetic if he needs to help with the children. He will just have to take some painkillers and get on with it. However, drinking til 4am means he would still be drunk at 5-6am when the kids wake, and if that happened and I needed to get up when I had a horrid night (which i have regularly!) i would be livid.

I think, put it into perspective and consider if this will affect you this morning, and react accordingly. Don't get stressed if you can avoid it and talk about it when he is a) not drunk and b) not hungover.

PavlovtheCat · 06/12/2011 08:04

shutup that is a very good point. If he drives he will be very over the legal limit and he could have an accident and kill someone. If he is not driving, make sure he goes to work. Unless. He has a job that means he needs to be sober.

Vicki1981 · 06/12/2011 08:08

If he does it often then yes I'd be furious. If its an occasional thing then well...he's the one to suffer.

My oh had a Xmas do was expected home at midnight and rolled in at half 2! It's his hangover not mine! He hasn't been out drinking for about a year. If I was out with friends I'd hate to feel I had to be back before I wanted to be.

Vicki1981 · 06/12/2011 08:08

He DEFINITELY should not drive today

Methe · 06/12/2011 08:15

4 am is a perfectly reasonable time to get in.

Original poster

bubbaganoosh · 06/12/2011 08:20

thanks so much for replying all.
The not driving point is a brilliant one, he is in walking distance so I will raise this point.
He does do it quite often, if it was once in a while I wouldnt give him a hard time at all- you need to vent occasionally and I agree, it's his hangover not mine.

its also at a very insensitive time as I was put on AD's for PND last week so he knows how much I am struggling.

He recently lost his new phone and doesnt answer if i call. I'm at such a loss

OP posts:

Original poster

bubbaganoosh · 06/12/2011 08:21

ususally doesnt answer.

OP posts:

Shutupanddrive · 06/12/2011 19:31

I hope you gave him a hard time? Men just never grow up do they?

AttillaTheMum · 06/12/2011 21:36

I think you should put this in relationships bubba

notmyproblem · 06/12/2011 22:05

Sounds like he likes to ignore the fact that's he's a husband and father whenever it's convenient to him, so he can go get pissed and act like a teenager, not being reachable by phone, playing out at his friends' even though he has work the next day. Or he has a drinking problem he can't control. Or both. You say he does this often?

Either way, I'd be having serious words if it were me. You can't really live like this can you, what with a new baby and PND? What does he bring to your life and relationship (and to your DD's life) that's so great? Any redeeming features, or just the ability to make your 12-week-old seem low-maintenance in comparison?

for you bubba. YANBU and you need to get this sorted.

thepeoplesprincess · 06/12/2011 22:13

I think it's different strokes for different folks. It wouldn't be an issue in the slightest for some couples, but it's clearly a big deal to you right now (quite reasonably), and as such he should try to be a bit more considerate.

Do you ever get the chance to go out and let your own hair down? From what you've said it sounds very one-sided.

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