Selfish sister woes.....or AIBU?

[BunnyLebowski]

My only sister lives in Spain with her husband and kids.

All our family and friends attended her wedding over there plus the christenings of her 2 kids without any objection and at considerable cost and hassle to ourselves (last visit being in snow January this year with toddler dd to a rather inaccessible part of Northern Spain-involved 2 coach trips and a flight each way).

She has visited me once in the 5 years since our respective dcs have been born and my parents once.

She didn't come to our brothers wedding this Summer as it was 'too difficult' to do so with a 4 year old and a 6 month old.

Anyway she is exceptionally rigid about routines and things being done 'the right way' (wouldn't give her kids even a piece of fruit without a paediatrician okaying it). Birthday cards must arrive on the day or they're not worth sending (even if they're on hols on the date of child's b'day-cards should be posted to the holiday apartment).

DP and I are of a more...erm... laidback nature. We missed my niece's b'day by a week and all hell broke loose. Also she sent me a jiffy envelope containing a pair of used kids sandals (2 sizes 2 big), a few very pre-loved outfits and a kiwi fruit (wtf?) a few months ago and again I got lit upon for failing to acknowledge it's arrival within a day or 2.

So for baby nephew's birthday at Halloween I decided to make a real effort to make up for it (despite DD only receiving an E-Card from them for her b'day) by putting together a big parcel for the kids (clothes, books and toys for baby - dvds, dressing up outfits, sweets and little girl's handbag filled with sparkly hairclips/jewellery for my niece). DD 3 made a wee handmade card. Spent about £50 plus a tenner to post it.

That was 7 weeks ago and despite her knowing precisely when it was sent and that it was waiting for her at the Post Office (she got a card through the door) I've heard nothing till today when I got a text saying

'Hi sis. Went to collect your parcel and they've returned it to back to sender. I'm sorry but it's been impossible for me to get it sooner. Blah blah blah.'

Fwiw the Post Office is a 5 min round trip by car and is open Mon-Sat.

I stupidly didn't put my address on the parcel as I naively presumed it would get there successfully.

AIBU to be really effing annoyed?

YANBU

Stop dancing to her tune - who the hell put her in charge?

I just wouldnt bother making the effort for her any more. She is selfish and so long as you keep on pandering to her, she will continue to think she is entitled to it.

I don't blame you for being pissed off. What a bloody waste of money.

Did you have any recorded delivery thing, or receipt?

How annoying. I wouldn't make the effort again. In fact I would ring her and tell her how annoyed and hurt you are.

Yeah that's what I thought .

Tbh I've been of the opinion for ages that she's a selfish wench and have been biting my tongue but after a few conversations with my parents about the 'importance' of family I decided to make a concerted effort before giving up.

I'm of the strong opinion that sharing genes and an upbringing is in no way a guarantee of liking someone or wanting to be around them.

She is selfish, demanding, inflexible, critical and bloody rude. I've seen her reduce my mum to tears before with her nastiness. She panders to an adult baby of a husband, is the most neurotic parent I've ever seen and her dd is fussy, spoiled and has a very apparent mean streak.

I haven't replied to her text as I would struggle to remain civil.

I want to just leave things as they are now and not bother with her again.

GetOrf I have a receipt for postage but Royal Mail can't track it once it enters the Spanish postal system apparently. Plus they (Spanish post) are notoriously slack.

Waste of money and waste of time.

Time to be honest

What a bloody shame - fifty quid.

I would agree with you and not give her the time of day, tbh.

Thanks everyone. It's nice to know that others would feel the same and that I'm not over-reacting.

Adverse I think a letter would just cause more drama than I can deal with. Another 'quality' of my sister's is that she can never acknowledge or accept that she is at fault in any way. So it would be like waving a red rag at a selfish bull.

I like the quiet life . I'm just going to leave things alone, make sure we send the kids cards on their birthdays and get on with focusing on my own wee family.

It's a shame to have spent all of that money and it not have reached her, but maybe think of it this way: you've lost the money, but the realisation that she's selfish and deciding not to bother with her anymore will save you stress and unhappiness in the future. More than £50 worth, I'm sure :)

Contact the lost/undelivered mail department/office in Belfast. All mail that is sent by Royal Mail gets returned to there. They might be able to track it down for you.

And your sis is a self centred mare - I pity her children.

YANBU in general, but who doesn't put their return address on something? Yeah she should have collected it sooner, but you can't blame her that they have no way of returning it to you.

The waste of money and time was down to you, I'm afraid.

at the thought of someone posting you a kiwi fruit.

I'm surprised you're still in contact with her tbh, she sounds a right pain. I hope you can track your parcel down - do you think she ignored it out of spite?

I personally wouldn't give her the satisfaction of an argument, I just wouldn't bother with her again. Her track record is pretty rotten isn't it?

Do you have an email or something from when all hell broke loose about HER child's late package? Forward it back to her unedited, possilby with a comment about how it's applicable. Try and collect the package, though (so you can sell/regift the stuff)