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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder where on earth all of these allegedly single women are hiding?

56 replies

gilmoregirl · 05/12/2011 20:10

Just catching up on my weekend papers, interesting article in the Observer (ok, last weekend Blush am not very up to date with the news am I?)

Title "Single for life" why millions of women like me will never get married, at the bottom of the article there are some statistics - apparently around 51% of women under 50 in the UK have NEVER been married.

Really? I find that hard to believe as I feel very much in the minority as a single 38 year old spinster. I work in an office of seven - the six other women aged between 25 - 55 are ALL married. Only one of the women I went to university with is also unmarried. I am very much in the minority out of the parents I come across.

Does this ring true to anyone else?

OP posts:
Alambil · 05/12/2011 20:12

I'm in the minority too - single (but been married before, not that it counts). My whole extended family are married; I am the ONLY single person. It is very, very depressing

WorraLiberty · 05/12/2011 20:14

Yes but are they actually single or have they just not got married to their DPs?

Original poster
gilmoregirl · 05/12/2011 20:15

I do wonder where all the single people are. I am finding it very hard at the moment, I think Christmas makes it harder as I just feel like such a spare part - I still sleep in a single bed at my Dad's house on christmas eve Sad

I'd love some other single friends as feel I've grown apart from my friends and they have no idea what life is like being single in your late thirties!

How old are you Lewis (if you don;t mind me asking!)

OP posts:
SantasStrapon · 05/12/2011 20:18

You are equating 'unmarried' with 'being single'. It just means that statistically fewer couples are getting married. The unmarrieds are co-habiting, not single. And a lot of couples in long term relationships refer to each other as husband and wife.

Original poster
gilmoregirl · 05/12/2011 20:19

I did wonder that lorra - I guess that it is only counting legal marriage and not co-habitation. Still seems like a hell of a lot of single women compared to what I experience on a day to day basis. in the circles I move in EVERYONE gets married. I caused a right stir when I became an "unmarried mother" shocking. Not that it lasted long and I was back to being single again before DS was two which I think just reinforced the stereotype in the popular opinion of my peer group.

OP posts:
Alambil · 05/12/2011 20:20

me too gilmore; sleeping at parents' house on Christmas Eve that is... in a single bed.

I bought myself a double bed a couple years ago for the simple fact that I refused to have a child size bed in my late 20s!

I'll be 29 soon, so not quite a minority as you, but it feels rather hopeless some time (esp being a single parent to a 9yr old!)

pipandpet · 05/12/2011 20:20

Lewis I'm in the exact same position. Now divorced but only single person in my entire family. I'm 30.

A1980 · 05/12/2011 20:20

Single, never married here. I'm not in the minority at my work or among my friends though which makes it easier. I quite believe the statistics tbh. It's so hard to meet people now.

Alambil · 05/12/2011 20:21
Original poster
gilmoregirl · 05/12/2011 20:22

agree that being "unmarried" and being "single" are not the same thing, sorry.

I just find it hard to believe that there are even that many unmarried women under 50 in the UK, accepting that a lot of people are cohabiting and living as if married. among the people I know it is honestly more like 5% max! I probably feel it more as one of the 5% (feels like 1% a lot of the time though....)

OP posts:
tigerlillyd02 · 05/12/2011 20:22

I'm single and love it! A relationship is seriously the last thing on my mind, i'm just not interested. Might change in the future but for now that's how it's staying. I've more or less always been the same though. I would be extremely surprised if I ever found myself being comfortable and wanting to commit to anyone in the future.

I too feel in the minority. There's supposed to be thousands of single parents aren't there? I don't know of any in RL...

squeakytoy · 05/12/2011 20:23

Seeing as most people do not get married until they are 25 or over, and out of those, the majority are still not adults.. those figures are very easy to manipulate.

I didnt get married until I was 32, and all of my female friends under 30 are unmarried so far.

WeShouldOpenABar · 05/12/2011 20:23

i'm single - never married- and the only person i know in that situation (sigh)

Ifancyashandy · 05/12/2011 20:23

Single, never married, no kids. And I like it. Most of my friends are in long term relationships are married and I'm happy for them but I've yet to meet someone worthy of me Grin!

And I'm 40.

Original poster
gilmoregirl · 05/12/2011 20:26

It is comforting for me to read posts from other single and unmarried women (esp those with children!) as I honestly feel in a total minority. I read that article and was spluttering away to myself about it as just seemed so unrealistic compared to my daily life where I feel so alone and "odd" for a want of a better word.

I am sure that my life would be much more pleasant if I knew anyone else in a similar situation - I just find it so hard always being the only single person everywhere I go. I do wonder what on earth is wrong with me!"

OP posts:
MissPricklePants · 05/12/2011 20:28

I am twenty-something, and a single parent. I have never been married and I am the only single adult in my family...makes for a fun christmas of relatives asking 'why are you single?' I empathise with Bridget Jones!

tigerlillyd02 · 05/12/2011 20:28

Ifancyashandy Glad theres another happy with the single life. It's one thing to be single, but you're even more so in the minority if you're happy to be that way! Nobody at all believes me and clearly think I have some major issues Grin

Original poster
gilmoregirl · 05/12/2011 20:30

thousands of single parents you say? Apparently so but certainly not at DS's school (or at his nursery, or swimming lessons or beavers etc etc) that is one of the things I find very hard - always having to go to events to do with DS alone. School stuff seems so cliquey and as I am at work not at the school gates I don't even really know any of the other mums anyway so I just stand there like a loon grinning and hoping someone will take pity on me on my own and then slinking off when no one does.

I think I may borrow DS's imaginary friend for the next event and talk to him Grin

OP posts:
Esta3GG · 05/12/2011 20:31

I have never married. Never saw the point of it to be honest.
Why buy the book when you can go to the library? Grin

Original poster
gilmoregirl · 05/12/2011 20:33

Misspricklepants I was just thinking about Bridget Jones this morning on way to work, easier for her than as a single parent though: a) she has circle of single friends to hang out with b) she can get very, very drunk and smoke as much as she wants to numb the pain as not in charge of small children Grin

Then by the end of the book she has two men fighting over her.......

OP posts:
Rhubarbgarden · 05/12/2011 20:35

I'm in my late mid thirties and of my female friends of similar age I would say about 60% are single. Some are content to be so, most are not and it makes me very sad for them. I regularly get the 'it's ok for you, smug married!' comments. But the truth is I was single for a long time and I haven't forgotton how that feels. I'm not allowed to sympathise though as I get my head bitten off.

QuintessentiallyFestive · 05/12/2011 20:36

hiding under a misteltoe?

Ifancyashandy · 05/12/2011 20:38

I would be happy to meet someone but they would have to be right. I admit I am fussy but since I'm happy being single, why shouldn't I be?

And I suggest those that who have to deal with intrusive and downright rude questioning (after all, no-one would ever say, 'why ARE you married?'!), answer thus:

'Because if I had to wake up next to someone like your husband/wide for the rest of my life, I'd rip my own head off'.

(Thanks to Helen Fielding!)

And I find turning on ones heel as they splutter into their eggnog most satisfying!

The arrogance of those that assume their way of life it's the only way astounds me.

TiggyD · 05/12/2011 20:43

All the single women are at home in baggy joggers and ex-boyfriend's shirts stained with tears watching box set after box set of friends while stuffing their faces with pints of Ben and Jerry's and will stay there until the realisation comes that they have evolved into mad cat women with bushy beards, polyester slacks and Velma socks.

Trills · 05/12/2011 20:44

apparently around 51% of women under 50 in the UK have NEVER been married.

Does that include all females under 50, including those who are currently 9 years old? That could skew the stats a bit...

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