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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to understand why this child wet herself?

34 replies

manicinsomniac · 04/12/2011 22:55

My daughter's best friend wet herself on stage this week. She is 8. Obviously mortifying for her and I would have expected to hear nothing but sympathy from adults but I have been shocked by how many people have expressed amazement that an 8 year old couldn't a)hold it or b)didn't just jump off the stage if it was that much of an emergency.

I don't get their viewpoint. Imagine the courage it would have taken to leave the lit stage and run through a dark theatre full of adults to get to the loos. Couple that with excitement, nerves and squash during the interval and I can totally see why it happened and feel so sorry for the poor little girl.

You can almost interpret it as true professionalism and embodying the spirit of 'the show must go on' Wink

But seriously, a bit of teasing from the kids I can understand but such a lack of compassion from adults (not to the child's face of course!) ... I just don't get.
AIBU?

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 04/12/2011 22:58

Well you would really expect an 8yo to run off the stage if she was that desperate... (wouldnt the stage have wings, rather than her have to run through the audience?)

Poor kid though... that must have been utterly mortifying for her.. :(

Deuce · 04/12/2011 23:00

Perhaps she has a renal complaint, renal reflux can cause that to happen.

Or an anxiety feeling about being on stage.

redwineformethanks · 04/12/2011 23:01

Poor little thing. I'm wincing on her behalf. Yes I'm surprised adults were less than 100% sympathetic

HandMini · 04/12/2011 23:02

I am totally with you Manic. 8 is way to small to cope with the heady mix of being on stage, bright lights, total adrenalin, full bladder, probably not sure which way to run.

Hardgoing · 04/12/2011 23:03

I guess it is an unusual occurence, which is why people might express surprise she couldn't hang on. I don't think that's lacking in compassion, simply expressing that most children can and do hold on by that age if they need to, perhaps she may have had a medical reason (e.g. infection) which made her more susceptible to wetting herself. Poor little girl, she will remember that one unfortunately (my mum still remembers wetting herself at school 60 years later).

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 04/12/2011 23:09

No med condition that I'm aware of but possible of course.

And yes, so embarrassing, she wasn't in school the next day :(

OP posts:
Original poster
manicinsomniac · 04/12/2011 23:10

and yes, there were wings but they don't go anywhere iyswim - just to the back wall of the hall.

OP posts:
lisad123 · 04/12/2011 23:19

My 8 year old wouldn't go off stage either. She has SN but to everyone else she is a quiet but very bright little girl.

Poor little girl though Sad

Hardgoing · 04/12/2011 23:21

I hope they can make her feel ok about it, my daughter has wet herself several times at school (aged 7) and they have just been so lovely about it, it's not been a big deal, although I do appreciate it being on stage makes it all the worse (but did everyone really see or only a few people?)

MissPentChristmasBudget · 04/12/2011 23:24

I can sympathise. I once wet myself in science class at school because I didn't have the courage to stop the teacher talking and ask to go to the toilet. If we'd been working quietly I'd have gone up to him but he was addressing the whole class, I'd had a big drink at lunch and just couldn't hold it Blush

Would anyone really expect an 8yo to just up and leave the stage in the middle of the show? Poor girl :(

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 04/12/2011 23:32

It was very obvious sadly. The girls had just finished a massive dance routine and were in freeze frame for a good half a scene. She is tiny so was right at the front!

OP posts:
Original poster
manicinsomniac · 04/12/2011 23:35

Miss Pent - exactly, I don't know how they could expect her to dare go either.

My daughter said she wouldn't have left either and she's both very experienced on stage and not a total stranger to public wee accidents herself. 8 years old is still quite a baby really imo.

OP posts:
FannyBazaar · 04/12/2011 23:36

Oh dear. I am currently having a problem with my 6 yo DS and think it may be linked to squash or something in it. I don't give it to him but others do. He gets very little warning that he needs to go after drinking certain things.

AitchTwoOh · 04/12/2011 23:38

8 yo is TOTALLY a baby. poor soul.

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 04/12/2011 23:39

Poor little love :(

I guess initially I might have been surprised she couldn't hold it in longer at 8, but it would have taken me a nano second to have come up with several reasons why she couldn't - and fecking hell, what 8 yo is going to wet herself on stage if she can help it??

I bet there are very few 8 year olds with the self confidence to break all the rules and jump off the stage to go to the toilet in front of all those people.

I feel so sorry for her having the whole bloody school talking about it:(

Traceymac2 · 04/12/2011 23:40

Oh the poor thing, I feel so sorry for her. I am just imagining if it was my own child. I am sure it was a mixture of adrenaline and not wanting to embarrass herself by running off unannounced but reaching the point where she couldn't hold it any longer. I hope the other kids don't give her a hard time, that is what I would be worried about.

lililolo · 04/12/2011 23:42

When I was about that age one of the girls in my clarinet class peed her pants when she was blowing quite hard! I remember it all went into her pixie boots. Anyway, although it was clearly hilarious, no one laughed to her face, we all felt sorry for her. When we were 8. Some parents are bitches to other children ime.

KateMiddIeton · 04/12/2011 23:44

Poor thing and YANBU.

It is surprising the number of children who have wetting accidents at really quite old (10,11,12,13). I think it's because they are expected to be able to hold for as long as adults but until puberty their bladders are really just not as big as an adult's but they often have big swirls of hormones (remember being 2-3 months pregnant and needing to GO NOW? Just like that).

A bit of compassion is always a good thing. I remember Matthew Wright naming some poor kid from his secondary school who'd wet himself in class. First name and surname 20 years later on national tv. Cruel and unnecessary.

Original poster
manicinsomniac · 05/12/2011 01:03

^^
Wow, that's awful. Imagine hearing that announced about you on tv while eating your dinner at home!!

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Want2bSupermum · 05/12/2011 01:20

My cousin and brother both had wetting accidents at aged 8. Once sugary drinks were stopped they didn't have a problem. My brother only drank milk or water until he was in his 20's. Still now, he will not drink anything surgary before bed.

tigerlillyd02 · 05/12/2011 02:22

I can understand parents being a little surprised but no need to be gossiping about it imo. I'd have probably just thought to myself that's odd and come up with a load of reasons why it may happen. It's not like she's a teenager. And it's all this talk between parents that their own children pick up on and use it as an excuse to tease and bully.

DeckTheHugeWithBoughsOfManatee · 05/12/2011 10:55

That poor girl. If that happened to me it'd still be the stuff of nightmares well into adulthood Sad

Blu · 05/12/2011 11:00

8 year olds freeze if they don't know what to do! They often don't take the thought out logical adult approach.

Poor child. People are so unimaginative and unempathetic about chidren's feelings.

cumbria81 · 05/12/2011 11:03

I wet myself during the xmas concert when I was that age. I was so desperate I had no choice.

Blu · 05/12/2011 11:04

I wet myself when on a visit with my aunt when I was 7 because I was too shy to gtell my aunt I needed to go to the loo because she was talking to other people. Had she been alone, I would have told her.