To have mentioned this?(reference)

6 replies

laptopdancer · 04/12/2011 08:38

I was asked to write a reference for someone to get into a course. I dont much like the person and havent seen them in 2 years and genuinely dont think they are suited to the course but wrote one (sense of duty). Anyway, I am incredibly busy at work and the requests I had to write this were all via email and very rude and passive aggressive, demading immediate response etc.
When I did write the reference, I sent a copy by email and informed the person Id sent the official one to those who needed it. I had NO respones, NO thanks.

Anyway, discussing application with the person who sifts through them and mentioned this. It shouldnt matter anyway as she hasnt got a chance (despite my very nice reference) but maybe I shouldnt have mentioned it? I am quite disgusted with the whole affair. WIBU?

OP posts:

MorelliOrRanger · 04/12/2011 08:43

heh?

You wrote a reference and got no response. Yes it's rude, but did you really expect anything else? Dont' you have bigger things to worry about?

You shouldn't have mentioned it to the person who looks at the references though.

Original poster

laptopdancer · 04/12/2011 08:46

It was more in the rude emails prior to sending the reference than the lck of thankyou.The person who looks through the references also knows the student btw.

OP posts:

MorelliOrRanger · 04/12/2011 08:48

If you felt that strongly about the emails, then maybe you shouldn't have done reference for them. You aren't obliged to :)

Original poster

laptopdancer · 04/12/2011 08:51

I think I was actually obliged to. It was an academic reference. I suppose you are right..Ive written hundreds of these things and this is the first time Ive felt so upset about the process.

OP posts:

ZillionChocolate · 04/12/2011 08:57

You should have declined to do the reference. I don't think you should feel obliged to write one. You could have said that you were too busy, or written a very short one - just confirming that they did do whatever course or job it was. You shouldn't lie and recommend them for something they'd be no good at. I think that although they're rude, I'd let whoever was recruiting work it out for themselves.

My friend employed someone who stayed at the company for 4 weeks, and was ill for two of them. They then put him down as a referee without asking. He refused to give a reference but, when asked, did tell the company that it wasn't a policy decision and he usually provided references.

Crabapple99 · 04/12/2011 09:02

If you can't write an nice refernce honastly, don't write one at all, it just devalues all other references you write.

Flip