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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to buy 2 year old twins a present to share?

44 replies

crashdoll · 03/12/2011 11:22

I look after twin girls who are almost 2. I found a really nice birthday present that is quite expensive but I know they would love. I cannot afford to buy 2 versions of it. AIBU to buy a shared present?

OP posts:

santac · 03/12/2011 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maxybrown · 03/12/2011 17:13

My friends twins WANT the same thing - they will be 4 in Jan. I always feel bad buying them almost the same, but they now have a younger sibling too and sometimes i buy something that is to all 3 of them - for example a DVD. I try to personalise it as much as poss and my friend can be very sensitive so I am always careful to check but she always gives me the same ideas for each of them as they both like and want the same things at the moment

nicknamenotinuse · 03/12/2011 17:13

They are two people, buy them two presents, one little one each to suit each of them, just as if you were buying something for two other separate people. Sorry if that sounds harsh but my best friends at school were twins and they HATED HATED HATED when they were seen as only one person.

Original poster

crashdoll · 03/12/2011 17:14

Out of interest, would those who think I would BU to buy them a joint pressie feel differently if I got two siblings (of different ages) a joint present or is it just twins that it is a big no-no?

OP posts:

ChippingInNeedsSleep · 03/12/2011 17:18

They are two - it's fine. If anyone gets upset about this it's only going to be the mother who should be grateful you are buying the kids anything at all and not such a cow she would be that you have bought a shared present. It's not shared because they are twins, it's shared because it's a great present that two children can enjoy together. Some people need to get over themselves.

It's not like it's a doll or a bike that they can't use at the same time.

NICEyBahHumbug · 03/12/2011 17:24

I think its probably worse for twins as it teaches them something about their identity. But I wouldn't ever buy a joint pressie for two siblings as one inevitably looses out more than the other.

Original poster

crashdoll · 03/12/2011 17:30

I've decided to get the puzzle and a really nice book which was a bit cheaper than the puzzle but altogether, not too far over budget. They can both share both of them and come from a very share-y family anyway.

OP posts:

Kytti · 03/12/2011 17:38

FYI ragwort I don't expect presents for my children, but I expect them to be treated with respect as individuals. And as for getting lots of stuff, as we don't have any family except one Grandfather, we don't have a problem with too much stuff. We are careful to only purchase things that we know they will use / need.

I just think they're short-changed enough having a birthday days before Christmas, nobody can ever make it to visit / etc. To then ask them to share a present is an added insult.

But like you say, they're only two; who cares? I mean, it's not like they're just as important as the other children I have, is it? They won't mind when they grow up and realise the others had parties and presents, but hey, you're sharing a birthday at Christmas, so you don't get any fuss made of you.

Kytti · 03/12/2011 17:39

Good for you, crashdoll I'm sure they'll share the spoils, but it's nice to get something each. :)

aziraphale · 03/12/2011 19:57

Oh God I hope YANBU. I bought ex-h's nieces a game to play between them ("Bop It" for those in the know) because I thought it would be nice for them to play together.

t0lk13n · 03/12/2011 20:01

As a twin I hated sharing everything! We had a bike each once in all our childhood but shared radios cds albums record players clothes.....

Egg · 03/12/2011 20:08

My twins are 4 a couple of weeks after Christmas. They normally get separate presents each, but last year got a toy kitchen as a joint present because, quite frankly, who wants or needs TWO? It is a big one with four sides so space for all three children to play at same time. They also got a rocking horse to share when they were one. It's still going strong and we definitely didn't need two. Puzzles and books are easy to share IMO, I normally read to them together anyway at this age.

aquashiv · 03/12/2011 20:43

Bought ours a shared big present once a huge train set on a table and then various engines individually. They rarely play with it.
They get two of everything as they are such individuals.
If you know the girls well you will know if the shared toy should work.

LadyBeagleBaublesAndBells · 03/12/2011 21:38

It's amazing how times have changed since I was a child and a twin.
I have horrible memories of going up to High School and being addressed as 'Twin' throughout the next few years.
I will always push parents of twins to treat them as two separate people.

3brokentoes · 03/12/2011 21:44

I am in the process of trying to teach my 4 year old twins to share. I hate it when people buy exactly the same present in a different colour. I prefer to have two different toys so they can learn to share them.

It is much better for them to have lots of different toys to share between them rather than the same set of toys in different colours.

MagdaMagyarMadam · 03/12/2011 21:56

Just to put another angle onto this - I have DTDs aged 3.9 and I always buy a gift from each DD when going to birthday parties or xmas. I want them to learn about giving as an individual especially as everyone does buy them gifts individually.

schmee · 03/12/2011 22:03

Y were BU, but glad to hear you have bought two presents. I think people with twins would rather that they received a present each from the 99p shop rather than a present to share.

And agree with Magda - I always buy a present from each of them for parties. And I write separate thank you notes usually, although this year I asked people only to buy for one of them.

PontyMython · 03/12/2011 22:09

I have a DD 4 and DS 2, so not twins obviously, but I've got them sharing presents as ATM they like a lot of the same stuff! However they have individual gifts too that are more age specific - board games for DD, Happyland for DS (although I know DD will play with that too!)

My DSDs are twins but we never actually got them sharing presents (maybe other people did though) because they were different right from the start - one into dolls and ballet, one into action man and bug huntin' - there was nothing they could share IYSWIM! You wouldn't even think they were related TBH.

newmum953 · 03/12/2011 22:14

When in doubt, ask the mum :)

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