To cut off my family again

[auntiepicklebottom2]

I will try not to drip feed.

7 years ago my family gave me a choice, it is us or my now DH, any how I chose my DH..... Any how I feel like they undermined me as a parent. My son has autism and he needs routine but every time I go at my parents they try and disrupt this.

As you can imagine this has a knock on effect, I really don't want to stop my family for seeing the kids. However I need some advice to deal with my parents

Simple, dont go to your parents house if their routine conflicts with yours.

Simple. Make sure they are clear on the routine. Set out to them your expectations of them. Inform them of the consequences. Just as you would do to a child.

Are they not following the routine because they don't see it as necessary and want to prove to you that they are right?

Have you tried to educate them about autism?
It's difficult for people to understand/accept the issues you have to deal with every day.

Love that the first two posters said it was simple! Families are never simple. I think if they can't respect your ds's need for routine then yes you should avoid them. Is it out of ignorance on their part?

Yeah, I put in simple as an afterthought because it looked so simple written down! However, given the situation I have with all three members of my own family (mum, dad and brother - there is no one left anymore) and my ILs who have a VERY different style of parenting to us I know that it is nothing like simple!

For me the simple element is - there is a consequence. They don't play by your rules, they don't get the children. No debate, no compromise, no discussion. Since we've adopted this approach we've had far fewer problems.

When we wanted to implement rules that we thought would be unpopular, we attached an authority voice to them e.g. "The midwife said you mustn't smoke around the baby...." rather than "We don't want you smoking around the baby". Is there an 'authority voice' you could use with them? The consultant for example?

Sorry, but I do believe you have one responsibility - to your child. That is the person you gave birth to, and have responsibility for. IMHO, your child's needs trumps all others...

Of course, try and fit family in but I do believe you need to fit family in with our son and not the other way round. And there is nothing wrong with this.

Good luck with whatever you decide

your son!