to just want some recognition

[bupa84]

I am a SAHP to 3 young children. (2 at school)
I am happy with the situation and it suits the needs of the family at the moment.
However, sometimes I wish I got more recognition for the role.
Yesterday, as youngest at preschool for the morning I really blitzed house.
It looked great and I was really pleased but no one notices and now it's messy again.

You have to make people notice and acknowledge your role especially if it's involved blitzing the house

Get whoever made the mess to clear up after themselves, although I admit that's usually more hard work than doing it yourself.

No-one will ever notice if you don't tell them. Point out the bleeding obvious, all the time - "I did X, Y and Z today and it took me 4 hours" or whatever. It's crap, but necessary. There is no point in being a silent martyr - it took me a while to work that out, but it's true.

I write a list every morning and tick it off even if I haven't done it pin it up in kitchen and make sure DP sees it

Oh yes - I do the pointedly visible lists thing too :o

Hopefully, in the r/ship, both partners make the other feel appreciated.

Without wishing to sound all smug (hell, it's friday, I'll risk it ) if I am looking for a particular reaction from my OH, then, rather than attempting to manipulate/guilt him into into, I first of all try giving him whatever it is I want, for example:

If I want to feel sexy/desired, then I tell him how hot he is looking.
If I want to moan about my day, I'll ask him how his went.
If I want him to do some housework, I think of some he's already done (sometimes days previously) and praise him lavishly for it.

Most of the time, he gives me the reaction I want, and crucially, thinks it was his idea. So if you want him to notice and appreciate you, you have to be willing to do the same for him.

If that doesn't work, then you have to be a bit more upfront about it, - but treat the other person how you want to be treated is a good starting point.

Most people who work outside the home get sod all recognition either.

tigermoll, you are so sneaky - but in a good way of course.

Today, DH asked how my day had been (standard question that we always ask each other at 6pm) and I said, "well, not very productive... I have hardly done anything..." Then I remembered that I have cleaned all the floors and done 4 loads of washing, fed our highly-food-allergic and very picky 3 year old breakfast and lunch as usual, done some shopping, delivered a birthday present to a friend around the corner, made an important phone call and done loads of washing up.

Agentzigzag is right. It's important that other people know what you do.

MudAndGlitter Does DP make a list of everything he does next to it? Is there a competition?

They sure notice when you don't do it LOL.

I remember when I had my last DC and DH was at home with the other three,The Tween,The 5 Year Old and The Toddler,he came in to visit me looking haggard.He just uttered I don't know how you do it and promptly fell asleep in the chair.