to not do this for her?

[CuriousMama]

I know a mum from the school and we chat etc.. nothing major. I've been round for coffee a couple of times.

Well I suspected she had a drink problem by her behaviour and could smell it on her often. I wasn't totally sure as I know exdh had some aftershave that ended up smelling of alcohol so thought it could be that or hand gel? Anyway lately she said she's been in hospital and yes she is an alcoholic. She seemed to be doing ok?
Today I got a text asking me to go over. I can't so we rallied a few back and forth then she sent one asking me to send her a text saying I'd enjoyed shopping with her ect.. Basically lying. I know her dh reads her texts, he even changed her FB password

So I said no she'd be better off asking someone else. I don't think I'd even do this to a real friend tbh? She obviously has major problems in her marriage and I'm not getting involved. She said he'd given her cash and needed to keep what she used it for private. I reckon she's back on the booze Hope I'm wrong though?

Would anyone else have lied for her? She said it's ok that I didn't and I'm popping to see her tomorrow. I wouldn't avoid her because of her illness. I have a good understanding of it as many family members have addictions.

Yanbu. Slippery slope really, by not entering into that kind of subversion with her, you can still maintain a reasonable relationship without getting dragged into anything.

You did the right thing, that last thing you want is to also become under her DH's scrutiny and get yourself involved in a relationship that is absolutely nothing to do with you.

It must be awful to know of a relationship like that, is this why she hits the alcohol? If she is unhappy, maybe talking to her about that instead of getting her to 'fess up about the alcohol will be more productive?

Sorry I'm not much use, just wanted to say YANBU.

Keep being a supportive friend, but not so much that it encroaches into your life (she's not a good enough friend for that) and YANBU for not wanting to lie for her - yes this was only one time but she would deffo have asked you again.

Yes agree she would make a habit of getting me to be her scapegoat. I'll keep supporting her but not lying for her. thanks.

YANBU

My Mum is an alcoholic and she used to ask me to phone in sick for her, and I always refused. She has to learn that if you can't take responsibilty for your actions then you have to change your actions.

If I were you I would state that you are there if she needs support, but you're not prepared to lie. Then at least she knows she's got someone to turn to if need be.

Sorry about your mum. It's awful isn't it? So frustrating but nothing we can do. My brother recovered from it and is a rarity in that he can now drink socially? My neice keeps getting pancreatitis and still drinks. lost BIL to it and my aunt she was only 42. Nephew is alcoholic stays indoors all the time lives with his parents I could go on.... So I will be there for her on my own terms.

Sounds like you are a good friend who did the right thing.

Thanks

I don't think I would have lied for her.

No matter what her reasons, and you don't know if it's drink or money or something else entirely, if it comes out that you lied for her then you could be letting yourself in for a lot of trouble.

Perhaps when you can speak to her in person you could explain to her that you didn't feel comfortable telling a lie but that if something is wrong you will try support her in getting help.

Yes I'll see her tomorrow see how she is?

Well at least you're informed about alcoholism and understand what you may be letting yourself in for and what to expect.

Hope it works out well

Thanks Boys, and to you too.