Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to tell MIL she cant take DD to the school fayre?

29 replies

MincePieFlavouredVoidka · 01/12/2011 14:06

PTA are running a Christmas fayre at the school tomorrow. They do a nearly new bit where you pay £10 for a table and you can sell your stuff.

I have cleared out loads for a car boot, but decided to sell it here instead because its warm and I am hoping to sell loads of the toys. I arranged for DD to stay at home with DD so she wouldnt be there.

Now SMIL has called to ask if she can take DD for the afternoon. I said that would be great but not t bring her to the Fayre. I explained my reasons and she told me it was a bit off to tell where she could and couldnt take DD (which I am not, just asked her not to bring her to the specific event).

The reason I dont want DD to go is because I am getting rid of her old toys and I dont want her to know. They are not ones she plays with any more, but I know it will end in tears when she sees them, as they will suddenly become her favourites.

AIBU?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 01/12/2011 14:14

How old is your DD?

Everyone has to have clear outs of their DCs bedroom, and chucking out the crap is no problem, but is it fair of you to choose which toys she's not attached to?

I'm probably just being sentimental and not implying you're a big ol' meanie Grin but couldn't she help you decide which go/which stay?

StaceymAloneForver · 01/12/2011 14:15

slightly yeah, if your dd would like the fair!

i make my children package the old toys up to go to the charity shop, so that they can go to other children that need them. Ds decided to give away a much loved baby teddy of his, but it was his decision, sometimes he has a moan about it and wants it back but decision was made.

AgentZigzag · 01/12/2011 14:16

I agree to an extent with your MIL that usually it's up to them what they do when they have the GC, but in this case she's not being reasonable as you've asked her for a specific reason.

So unless she's saying it just to be an arse awkward, I can't see why she wouldn't go along with it.

BettyCash · 01/12/2011 14:17

How old's DD?

IReallyHateMyCat · 01/12/2011 14:18

If it's the only place in the whole of your town she can't go to it sounds like mil has a bi of a bug up her arse. did you explain your reasons?

Xnedra · 01/12/2011 14:18

Is it at your DD's school?

lollilou · 01/12/2011 14:18

Could you let her go then tell her she can choose one toy from the table to buy back? Make a game of it to distract her?

kidsinamerica · 01/12/2011 14:20

YABU to think you can "tell" your MiL what to do.

Think that might explain her response?

Perhaps you could have explained and -asked- politely?

spiderpig8 · 01/12/2011 14:21

Who would have been looking after her if your MIl hadn't offered?

Original poster
MincePieFlavouredVoidka · 01/12/2011 14:22

DD is three, its not at her school, its at DS's school.
Her school has a Christmas fete on Saturday, MIL and I are taking her there then.

OP posts:
spiderpig8 · 01/12/2011 14:22

In any case since it's HER toys youa are selling shouldn't you be giving her the money you raise from them? That might sweeten the pill a bit.

AgentZigzag · 01/12/2011 14:24

So she doesn't have to take her if you're going to one on Saturday.

Any reason she might be being awkward?

SenoritaViva · 01/12/2011 14:24

I see your point. My personal view though is it's important for children to understand about moving on and giving away some toys and not hide it from them. If I were you I'd explain that I am selling her old items that she no longer uses in order to make space for new toys. I'd also say she could look through the pile and pick out three that perhaps she still wanted to keep as a compromise.

NatashaBee · 01/12/2011 14:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marriedandwreathedinholly · 01/12/2011 14:32

YANBU your MIL is YABU

MrsTwinks · 01/12/2011 14:32

why is it considered out of line by SMIL for you to ask her not to take DD somewhere. Ok in this case not so extreme but would she react the same way if you asked her not to take her to an unsuitable movie etc.

Issues with toys etc aside I don't think YABU to ask that your DD not be taken somewhere. you and DH are her parents, not her.

ChristinedePizanne · 01/12/2011 14:35

I had to drag DS away from a table last week where there were old bits of tat that he said he was happy for me to give away but then started shouting at another boy looking at them 'they're mine!'

So YANBU

StaceymAloneForver · 01/12/2011 14:36

if it's not her school and she wont miss out i change my mind and YANBU, esp if she is going to an xmas fair the day before!

Ghoulwithadragontattoo · 01/12/2011 14:38

YANBU - why would her DGM want to upset her. There must be loads of other things she could do.

NoMoreWasabi · 01/12/2011 14:39

YANBU

TheReturnoftheSmartArse · 01/12/2011 14:43

YANBU. I once donated a load of old toys to the second hand stall at DD2's school. She bought them back again when I wasn't looking. Shock

randommoment · 01/12/2011 14:46

YANBU.

TattyDevine · 01/12/2011 14:51

If she were 8 years old or something, then she should get used to the passing over of toys etc but 3 year olds are not in control of their emotions and able to think rationally about that kind of thing and it would end badly. My son is 4 and there's no way I'd let him see me selling his toys. He's seen me bag up stuff for the loft before and has had a mega meltdown about that, and he saw me put something in a skip once, and managed to negotiate me taking it out again (!) but selling it to other children they know, well that's hard for a 3 year old.

If your MIL is in charge of her and looking after her and willing to deal with teh fallout or tantrum while you continue to manage the stall, perhaps see if she can rise to the challenge? But you are not being unreasonable and its hard to imagine why your MIL would be obstructive in this way. What a misery.

Robins · 01/12/2011 15:17

For what it's worth, I really know where you are coming from, especially with soft toys that they seem to have loads of, don't play with or forget about UNTIL THEY SEE THEM PACKED UP READY TO GO!

Good luck, can MIL just try to avoid your stall sort of!!!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 01/12/2011 16:23

yanbu I talked to ds1 about taking some of his to the school after school club and he said yes (aged about 8) he went in one day and recognised his old toys and some boys were bashing them about which absolutely traumatised him, he could not talk about giving anything away until very very recently (he's 15!) as a result we have a loft full f stuff but I hated to see the panic in his eyes whenever I did the 'if you don't tidy this lot up I am throwing it out' speech. tread carefully Smile