Secret Santa

[fredandginger]

Now don't get me wrong, I have no objections to the idea of secret santa for any group that includes a lot of people/money is tight. It can be a very sensible option.

But I have just been informed today, on 1st Dec, that DH's family (4 siblings) and their partners & kids, have decided to do secret santa. This would have been fine IF they had decided this about a month ago.

But now, with 24 days to go, I have already bought every single gift (bar one of the partners as I was trying to work out which DVD he was missing from a set).

A large number of these gifts are from Christmas craft markets, a Christmas market in Europe, and places I visited in October half term (which I won't be re-visiting for a while) - which basically means I can't just pop into WHSmith/Topshop/Debenhams to return items.

So we will be giving everyone a gift regardless, as we have already chosen and bought them.

I'm not angry that I will only be getting one present, because I don't give in order to receive and tbh, there's nothing much I want anyway.

I'm annoyed because they have assumed that:
-everyone else is as badly organised as them
-everyone else has left their Christmas shopping to ONE pay-packet and now can't afford Christmas
-that they can make decisions for a large group of people without first checking that everyone agrees

I know that there's not much I can do, but AIBU to be really really annoyed?

I always take such a lot of care planning a Christmas budget across oct/Nov & Dec to make it do-able, and I also take a lot of care selecting gifts. I don't know why I bother really....they don't even care enough to ask what we think, despite knowing that we usually manage Christmas like this. URGH. In-laws.....!!!

It's certainly frustrating if you are organised and they are not. Are the gifts you have bought 'christmassy' or could they be portioned out over birthdays etc in the coming year?

I agree with Ninja- just keep the other gifts for future christmasses/ birthdays.

Definitely don't give them all out this year. You'll just make everyone else feel awkward.

Some are things that are seasonal, if not Christmassy - beautiful knitted hats/scarves/gloves, cardigans, seasonal candles, spiced soaps, silver snowflake jewellery, wintery books for kids (polar bears and penguins etc) - I'd feel a bit silly giving them as gifts for March birthdays. but you're right, perhaps a couple of things could be salvaged... good thinking!

The exact thing happened to me 2 years ago with ILs. Except it was a few days into December before they decided to do secret Santa and just under 2 weeks before Christmas when they did a draw for who was buying for who. Is carefully thought about what people night like etc.
Since then I've left DH's family to him & I'm doing my side.
This year BIL announced that they will only be buying charity gifts & would like to receive the same. SIL not happy, so they'll betas disorganized as ever.
You have my sympathies.

Of course, I was really looking forward to wrapping, distributing and then regaining all of my space in the spare room! Grr - the thought of holding onto them until NEXT christmas is depressing

you could save them for next christmas too....

terrible cross post suggestion from me sorry!

YANBU

This almost happened last year but as one of the SILs had bought gifts, the idea was rejected.

Can you get your DH to have a word? Are you see he wasn't told sooner but conveniently forgot?

Bagel, it's the same - secret santa decision was sent to my husband in a txt. Who did we draw? I don't know, he mumbles, they haven't got that organised yet.
WHAT?! but it's NEARLY CHRISTMAS and I do not want to visit the shops again. BAH humbug.....

I just quizzed him on when he found out - admitted yesterday but forgot to say. I was buying some bits on Tuesday at a craft fayre and he was with me, so I know it wasn't before then as he would have stopped me (as he is a bit tight!)

Iggly, I will see if I can get DH to appeal as we have already done our shopping. The thing is, we don't actually need much money spending on us - a £2 bottle of bubble bath would go down very well....I have a feeling it's as much laziness as bad money managing. Hmph.

Just Say No.

good idea!

We're having one this year - the draw was in October!

Why is leaving Christmas present buying until December now disorganised ? [head explodes] I remember the days when having completed your shopping the weekend before crimbo was considered flashy. Nobody in either of our families even thinks about Christmas until the 1st December

it's not your in-laws fault that you do your Christmas shopping before December

I see your point Nigel, but I think it's the assumption that everyone would be happy with the arrangement that riles me. Why is it down to two people what the entire family does? DH was informed via txt, not asked, which I find rude.

Also, I checked with several of them what the kids would like, if there was anything that anyone wanted in particular. So they do know that it wouldn't have suited us, but they don't care. I don't think I'm that unreasonable to find this annoying?

Could they not just leave you out of the SS this year and do it fully from next year ?

and yes, i see your point of annoyance.

No YANBU OP. I'm pretty upset on your behalf, Its not like you anally stockpiled New year sales bargains back in January, you've taken the time, care and expense to select individual gifts.

I don't think you'll have much success with an 'appeal' as it follows that the relatives would all have to buy each of you a gift each, and even if that is just a simple bubble bath, I can imagine this causing whole new worlds of ructions among them.

So am I right in thinking you're sitting there with carefully selected gifts for 8 adults and assorted DNs, and now you're only required to buy ONE gift for ONE person? In that case, I'd find new recipients for the gifts, whether thats yourself, DH and DCs, or extra goodies for your own siblings & their DCs, or perhaps you have a friend or acquaintance who has had a spectacularly crappy year and a bundle of lovely gifts from you would light up their lives....

I may add that if I were to give a bundle to someone as described above, I'd be very open about why I'm giving them the gifts so they do not feel uncomfortable about accepting them.

YANBU. My DH's family did this 2 years ago to us, in fact only telling us that they'd decided between them that adults were not getting presents this year on the 23rd, when we met my SIL to give her presents to take to the rest of the family as she was spending Christmas with them .

As a result of that (amongst other present fiascos - took our nephew to buy clothes for his birthday, SIL didn't like the plain dark blue jeans and told us so), I've told DH he is dealing with his side, I'll deal with mine because I'm fed up of thinking up ideas that will suit people and end up getting it thrown back in my face.

We opted out when we were informed by IL they were doing it. Can you opt out? We give them a gift each, and most of them manage a gift back. We feel it is fine for an office but in family it does seem to be against the Christmas spirit, we'd rather agree a very low price for each present that be money grabbing wanting a larger present. Thinking of seeing if I can get one of those santa hats that say "Bah humbug" on to put the instigator's present in. Dh says I can't, but...