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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

aibu to be astounded at how stupid this human being is??

18 replies

MaryPoppinsMagic · 01/12/2011 09:46

I'm not even going to name change as if this fuck wit stumbles across this then I want him to know its me.

Backstory: when I was 19 I met a guy who 'swept' me off my feet.. I was young stupid and in love he was 18 at the time within 3 weeks of moving in together he turned abusive and was cheating on me inviting people to our flat to sleep with them

It came to a head and the police got him out my flat which resulted in months of abuse, him standing outside the block of flats with a knife and trying to kick my door down, I was scared very scared so I moved with the help of my dad and his scary rugby mates, I moved out of town into the sticks where I knew he couldn't get to (no buses) someone I thought was a friend told him where I was which resulted in me getting my car smashed up and I managed to record him on the phone threatening to kill me and burn my house down with me in it.

Anyway- in the end it went to court, they granted a 2 year restraining order, 3 years suspended sentence and £900 compensation to myself to pay for my car to be fixed and the loss of earnings (quit my job as he would be sat waiting for me by my car)

Fast forward to now (I'm 24) 5 years later. I've only ever received £300 of the money he was supposed to pay, its come in dribs and drabs as he doesn't work so it must be coming from his dole money.

Last week I had a cheque come through for £8 the first cheque since may this year, can I point out I have never chased the money from the court however have always kept them updated with my address.

Last night he sent me a message on facebook saying 'well well well' I ignored, then this morning I've had another message saying 'leave me alone or I will take you to court for harassment your not having my money so back off'

Now aibu to think he really is thick as shit?? It is quite obvious when your ordered to pay money BY A COURT OFFICIAL then like other debts if you don't pay it they will chase you till you have paid???

He has kind of spooked me, as in the message he also says I've seen you walking round (place I live) its rude not to wave?!

He is unhinged!

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 01/12/2011 09:49

He's clearly stupid but may still be a danger to you - I think you should return to the police with print outs from facebook.

Don't reply to him though.

aleene · 01/12/2011 09:50

God, he does sound awful. Block him from contacting you on FB and inform the police that he is harassing you.

dexter73 · 01/12/2011 09:50

Why haven't you blocked him from your facebook?

Original poster
MaryPoppinsMagic · 01/12/2011 09:51

laurie the thing with him is he thrives on knowing I am scared, so if I do nothing then it won't get worse however if I contact the police he will more than likely find out where I am and come round.

I don't want this happening again I really don't, the police were not great last time, they would let him out on bail day after day and then not tell me he was out

OP posts:
Original poster
MaryPoppinsMagic · 01/12/2011 09:51

laurie the thing with him is he thrives on knowing I am scared, so if I do nothing then it won't get worse however if I contact the police he will more than likely find out where I am and come round.

I don't want this happening again I really don't, the police were not great last time, they would let him out on bail day after day and then not tell me he was out

OP posts:
aldiwhore · 01/12/2011 09:52

Print screen.

Tbh, I'd write off the debt (to myself) and if I moved I wouldn't update the courts either.

Block him from FB, adjust your settings to make yourself unsearchable, and make a note of everytime you hear from him/see him etc,

Not sure what else you can do, I'm sure someone on here will. Scary.

I was lucky in that when I escaped my abusive relationship I simply disappeared back to my home town (200 miles away) , in the same year my parents moved house so there's very little chance that my ex could find me even if he wanted to.

CamperFan · 01/12/2011 09:52

Agree with Laurie c

Original poster
MaryPoppinsMagic · 01/12/2011 09:53

dexter he was blocked along with all his family then facebook changed the settings again with the new layout and it obviously hadn't carried the blocking over I've done it now though

OP posts:
slavetofilofax · 01/12/2011 09:53

Go to the police, and chase your money. Don't let the twat win.

The sad bastard really needs to get a life. His must be quite boring and pathetic if he still hasn't moved on.

TheRhubarb · 01/12/2011 09:53

Definitely take a screen shot and print out those comments.

Can I also ask how he found you on facebook? Because you can change your privacy settings so that you cannot be found by anyone searching and you can also block certain people so that even if they are friends with your friends, they will not be able to see your profile at all.

You need to change your privacy settings and take your printed evidence to the police. If he has a restraining order still and has been in your home town then he's obviously broken it. But even if not, what he has done amounts to harrassment still and the police need to know about it.

CamperFan · 01/12/2011 09:53

I assume he is not your "friend" on FB, but just sent you a message. You can change your settings so that only your friends can send you messages.

LaurieFairyCake · 01/12/2011 09:54

Going to the police does not mean you are 'scared' whatever the arsehole thinks. The police may be better with you now as he has actually been convicted and served a sentence for it. In general they are much better at dealing with harassment cases as time has gone on.

At what point will you decide he is harassing you again? after how many messages?

{{{hugs}}}

kreechergotstuckupthechimney · 01/12/2011 09:55

I too would write of the debt just for peace of mind.
I would be showing the Police print outs of what he has written though and block him from FB.

midoriway · 01/12/2011 10:00

There are a lot of journalists here in the UK and the US who are going after Facebook hard on privacy issues. Examples of real world impact of their lousy privacy policy (ie abusive ex now able to find you and scare you after they changed their settings) are very powerful. If you would like to persue this angle, post me a message, and I will give you the details some journos/other writers who would b interested in this.

Original poster
MaryPoppinsMagic · 01/12/2011 10:11

Does anyone know if I can say to the court who send the cheques out that I don't want them to send me them anymore? Will this stop them taking the money from him?

OP posts:
TheRhubarb · 01/12/2011 10:25

I don't think so, once the court have decided on something, that's it, but you can ask.
I would go back to the police and they might be able to issue another restraining order on him. He clearly likes getting a kick out of scaring you and stopping the payments I don't think would stop that, it would merely confirm to him that it is working and that you are scared. This gives him the green light to continue his campaign. Whereas if you go straight to the police he knows that he cannot win, that you will take action each and every time, so it stops being fun for him.

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 01/12/2011 11:16

Once the court order is made, it's made. The only way to get it stopped would perhaps be to tell them he has paid you what he owes, and they might stop chasing him, but you would need proper expert legal advice on that, especially since you would be lying to the court.

JuliaScurr · 01/12/2011 11:24

Police and SuziLamplughTrust.co.uk (they deal with stalkers etc.) Take action now to get this man off your case and get your money. All the best!

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